Oh dear God, what have I done at this Orleans Bed and Breakfast? I made a big mistake. Let me start by, it seemed like a really good idea but in the end it wasn't and I don't know how to get out of it. A million things in my life have gone this way but none worse than accepting my first and last two baby medicinal, now legal seedlings. Unlike Clinton, I don't smoke up, I truly don't inhale and I would never do edibles. I do have a wellness themed bed and breakfast and I know that this herb has so many healing qualities so I thought the leaves in tea might be a lovely novelty. You Tube tells me I'm deluded.
I was a proud parent and all excited to get these two tiny babies but well, I have no idea how to raise them. Common sense sends all of you and the rest of the world to You tube videos but not this dinosaur, not until it was too late. Fortunately, there has been no shortage of information from well-meaning friends.
My first step was to gingerly go into the garden specialty store and whisper I have a plant and I don't know how to take care of it. He was thoroughly versed on it and gave me all kinds of advice, while speaking quite loudly, much to my chagrin. I might as well have been searching for condoms or feminine hygiene products. I also have a next door neighbour who really enjoyed visiting nature's greenery plants and touching them and brushing them and smelling them and rolling around on them like a dog in poop and then telling me what I was doing wrong, always what I am doing wrong, never what I have done right. Thankfully my soil has been nourished lovingly with 365 days a year compost. I will dare to brag that it's the best on my street, even despite the cold and the rain this summer. So what could possibly go wrong? Let me tell you.
At harvest time, I learned. It is impossible to sit in the backyard with the stench of a hundred skunks coming from these too innocuous plants. Harvest day came and I uprooted them, cut off the roots andcut off all the leaves. Of course I wore gloves because I'm extremely sensitive to anything mind altering substances like caffeine, drugs, and alcohol. When it came down to the nitty-gritty of getting the smaller leaves, I took off my gloves and accidentally brushed against the buds. Within half an hour I was in a 2-hour coma and when I woke up I realized I could have probably slept for a month. I guess I have to be more careful because I don't intend to use it. Stop rolling your eyes.
Like every good parent, I started with the basement workshop letting my babies hang upside to dry but that was a disaster with the smell infusing the house with pure evil, and how do you soak the house in tomato juice when this happens. Can't be done! I moved them and hung them in the garage but the stench was unbearable even with the garage door closed or open. The nasty smell continued to infiltrate the house so I had to move my tiny bounty out into the shed as I now had a full house of guests for three day. Of course after one day I realized it wasn't getting dry enough in the shed, too much moisture so the only place left in my life that might be dry and safe was...wait for it..... my car. I should have known what a big mistake it would be but what else could I do with my guests. After I moved babies from the car, the damage was done. Sure my guests were going in the backyard to smoke up but I can't have them living with my skunks in "their" house.
I went to the Humanics Sanctuary to volunteer and when I opened the doors to unload my instruments, a gust of skunks followed and eyebrows were raised. It's been over a week that the car has been emptied and it still stinks. People, don't make this mistake. Seriously, it's just an experiment gone very wrong.
I am told to let my greenery dry long enough until they are lightly dry but slightly moist but not damp because they'll get rot. What the hell does that mean not dry but not moist. Right now they are all in a bag stinking up whatever room they are moved to and the garage and after 7 days of drying now I have to let them breath. How on earth do you let them breath when every other person in the house is unable to when they are in the vicinity? They are some of my least favourite houseguests since I open 5 years ago. Will I do this again? I like to think that I learn from my past mistakes so.....
