Surviving Traveling Thru Pandemic- States of Emergencies All over the World

Feb 29

Have you ever started a vacation deep in your heart thinking it's not going to happen, I cannot see the end result? That's how mine started. I booked with a third party that was obscure and could never really find my flight properly online. That made me nervous. I was never able to book all of my seats....  I could not do a proper check in from home and I also had to leave from Montreal which is a huge anxiety for me. If I don't turn left on a road because there's no light, I really don't want to drive to Montreal. Could take the train, could take the bus but then somehow I've got to get to both of those terminal without spending a lot of money. I've only taken the new LRT-1 so now I would have to take a local bus on a Saturday without Express routes, switch to the train and switch to a bus. Last time I did this for another trip I missed connections my feet froze it was a snowstorm, not great memories. In the end I left my car with my cousin parked in her driveway and she drove me to the bus station. 

I immediately met a woman who  wants to see my business. The lady in front was listening, lives a few streets away from me, is a realtor and wants to do business and before we knew it we were there in the blink of an eye. Unlike last time when I traveled to Montreal years ago  this one went smoothly. Back then, the lineups were a mile long, security a mile long for customs and we barely made the flight as we ran frantically to catch our flight. Today both departments were completely empty, I flew through everything without problems. I asked for a pat-down they asked me to take off my hoodie and didn't even bother  checking me. I knew that form fitting tank top would pay off one day. It will be a very long flight with all the connections but at this moment in time I feel like I will make them all and arrive absolutely exhausted, to be surrounded by two three year olds who will run me ragged and I can't wait.

The airport and planes are an eerie experience. It is rare to see an Asian without a mask and it's rare to see a Caucasian with one but us whities have the opportunity to access good quality ones made of thick black stretchy material, reminiscent of Silence of the Lambs. The is a tall skinny man in a long black cloak,  black sleeping mask and a black mouth mask. He scares the bejeebers out of me in the middle of the night. I now carry garlic, just in case when I pass him on the plane. You know its a scare when all the Asian staff are sporting masks. what a world we live in.

My seat mates have black special masks but they are not sick. That is the media hype of the Corona virus. The masks are only if you are sick to prevent others from catching what you have. None of these people are sick but 20 hours with a mask, not me... or so I thought.

The guy beside me is double stretchy cloth mask like the material of scuba diving suits. Now imagine the utter gall of this couple complaining that there are tons of extra seats on the plane and because I'm travelling alone, they tell the attendant that THEY want me moved so they can be more comfortable. Forget that I love my seat, my one neighbour and have completely unpacked and I chose close to the bathroom intentionally. I hate bullies. Gawd I was furious, spitting bullets, mad enough to drink on this flight when my daughter forbade me. I kept telling the attendant I did not want to relocate but to no avail.

The aircraft is gorgeous....not on the lines of Emirates but suuweet. Virgin Australia has the best airline food and snacks I've ever eaten.

I've had a number of cat naps, so the typical sleep of a middle aged woman. I'm less bitter but still glad for the rule about no nail files on board. Not sure how vindictive I could become when you screw with my aisle seat.

At one point its mandatory shut the blinds no matter whether its light out or not. At 5am I asked the sweet window girl to peek outside and the sun was rising  clouds were spooky, likes millions of popcorn kernels, it was magical but the nearby sleeping millennial vampires cringed and covered their heads with blankets. Pretty funny actually. 

I found the airline stash of chips, granola, fruit, and popcorn. Uh oh...not off to a good start as I squirrel them all away like a winter gathering chipmunk. I'd rather be the hibernating sleeping bears on board.

March 2-Just arrived and not a snow droplet to be found. Just green grass and steamy hot. Not a minute too soon because I think every single person on the flight was snivelling and juicy sounding and very contagious. Get me out of here fast.

I'm already 17000 kilometres away from my home town. I converted a lot of Canadian money and realised that the envelope was not in my purse nor in my knapsack so it's probably in my unlocked checked bag. I sure hope it's still there when I get to destination. If not some lucky baggaget guy is planning a trip to go somewhere . Crossing my my fingers. In the meantime I'm going to eat my body weight hourly while I charge up my debit card like The Flintstones wives.

Mar 4- we're a day later here so I'm thoroughly confused about what day it is.

Australia is really and truly a beautiful place in March at 18+ degrees. The cacophony of birds makes me feel like I'm in Costa Rica again again. The magpies the warbling the chipping and the crying baby sounds are the funniest thing ever. There are so many beautiful plants and trees here that reminds me of Hawaii. 

Ok enough on that rainbows and unicorns bull. Costa Rica was torture. This is the real world we live in. My son-in-law and I took the girls for a long walk- I forgot how much fun that age can be. Not!  Twin 3 year old girls are only happy when they are carried for hour after hour after hour and if you foolishly put them down, they will run in opposite directions towards traffic. I got back and hobbled into the house and curled up into a fetal position praying for death.  A short while later I was fine and apparently I'm a drama queen.  In the time that Christelle has gleefully worked every day (I get it now. I would be picking up extra shifts if I were her) I have given kids their first bath since they moved into the house 6 months ago. They don't know how to sit in the bath so they squat; it's so funny. We have coloured, read lots,  stickered up papers, watched lots of old  Disney, jumped on the trampoline pushed on hours of swings, washed the hands, feet, runny noses and clothes 100, 000 times only to have them run outside in the mud, rinse and repeat. We even took them swimming.

Because they generally go to bed at 7 p.m, the rest of us are in bed no later than 9:30pm ...party animals are we. 

Look closely, she has 2 balls

Yesterday I had the brilliant idea to have us all go for a zen first bowling session. They didn't want to give the two adults bumper bowling so we forged on. You've never seen sadder adult bowling as there was yesterday. Finally agreed  to turn on the bumper for everyone. The kids were rolling balls so slowly that the balls stopped dead in the middle of the lane or the gutter and someone had to retrieve them- all rules were off with people walking on the sacred Lane. The rolling rack was a deathtrap too because these fiercely independent 3 year olds had to lift this 500lb ball over their head to put it on while fighting tooth and nail over whose turn it was. It was mad chaos. In the end  dad played for four people while we chased the other two bored children through the arcade letting them try everything without putting money in. We all left exhausted.

March 5

Up at anytime after 4pm so my imaginary naptime comes early. It's such a good day when

  

you leave your bedroom door open in the morning at o' dark hundred and a little body stands in the doorway kind of confused and tired but then jumps into your bed. That doesn't happen very often. More likely I jump up and down excited at the prospect and scare the hell out of them and they run back to Mummy and Daddy. Brats hate me in the morning.

So we had grand plans for today. The Aquarium, possibly a park, lunch, ride their first tram and go to the Dinosaur Museum. We did the aquarium rode a tram and went to an awesome back alley Asian restaurant and ate kimchi pancakes. we drank some flavoured saki and then we drank some more and some more and some more and I have to admit I got a little giddy and I'm pretty sure my daughter will never let me forget it since it is such a rare occasion . We went out for supper , just my daughter and I and made a short stop at their version of a dollar store but it's much more expensive. Since the twins birthday is coming up shortly I went to this five dollar store and dropped over $100 worth of craft supplies. What was I thinking? Oh ya, too much sake!

Mar 6

3am the babes were a wailing but I ignored them because they never want to come to me in the middle of the night. I get up anyway and one wants to sleep with me. Yippee yippee I'm so excited and then the other one walks in the room and wants to sleep with me too. I truly feel like Grandma now . They hogged the bed, one of them sucker punched me twice , both kicked off their blankets and then rolled on top of them so that I couldn't have access to blankets. I was so cold but realised there was one blanket stuffed between the wall and the bed so I hunkered down in it to keep warm. Got no sleep but still it was awesome. 

Up very early colouring , eating, wasting so much food and watching TV.  Their mum and dad were going out so I decided to invite the outlaws over so they could see the babies before we went on a trip. Might rethink that sequence of events in the future- chaos. We played outside on the trampoline read lots of books, danced, wasted more food and then thankfully the day was over with before I was issued a straight jacket. May be locking my my bedroom door and putting in two sets of ear plugs tonight. Why didn't anyone tell me that 3 year old twin girls could make me feel like I was run over by a mack truck?

And now I'm very afraid because tomorrow morning my daughter and I take the twins on a 7-day road trip. Someone shake some sense into me next time.

By average human standards, road trip day seems like it was a bust. Yes, we did load the van to the ceiling with stuff we absolutely couldnt live without. Vague breakfasts were attempted and ankle biters dressed and redressed as quickly as we congratulated ourselves...it was loosely like a bordello with naked baby bums everywhere and clothes hanging from the lites.

We made good time to windy and chilly Torquay to see the family surfer beach and watch our winter clad girls race like possessed maniacs to see how wet in the shore waves and rolling in sand they could get while moving as fast as the speed of lite. My daughter and I dislike sand but no sand castle was left unstomped by the Terminator and the Hulk. Then off to get ice cream and it was like adding sugar and honey to pigpen from Charlie Brown. Now that they were sticky, we thought of the world famous ice cream shop then fish and chips, yes in that order, would be smart.  

Back at the homestead, they loved the Airbnb but us esp because the back yard was enclosed, like a doggie park AND they found a creative way to get in and out to play.. We did get some good advise about a playground and found parks in Australia are
unbelievable. 

 Trails and trails on bridges to get to it so we all got exercise. 

Well, as per the Australian custom, every time I come for a visit, I catch the babies colds. They are forever coughing in my mouth, sucking on my toothbrush, using my lipsol... even putting my night guard in their mouths. Ninja sleuths finding everything I have hidden. It's becoming a slower pace as a result. Wish you were here, and I was home sleeping. 

Mar 9

Be cause their birthday is coming up shortly, I gave out most of the entertainment and crafts. They thought of new ways to torture every surface they played on. I might have to kiss my cleaning fee goodbye cuz paint, playdough, food, stamps, stickers and dirt have                                         creatively covered everything.

 We went to the Chocolate Factory. Imagine Labour Day Monday packed to the gills with tourists and locals and with free samples also of chocolate. Kids were hanging from the ceiling - was not a pretty sight but if you were to go in the backyard there was a football sized yard fully enclosed and stocked with a  chicken coop, soccer balls and tons of things to occupy them with. Wonder if we can sneak away once they are occupied.

Attempted to stroller to the beach. Ya, NO, not happening. Redirected to the grocery store with that danged talking howling chimp. Some very unhappy shoppers and cashiers there until we left the mad house.

Really loving shower time, books, kisses and lites out at 7. Sadly by then, we are too pooped to appreciate quiet time. And one of the little monsters always joins us in our queen bed at some point. Yes I will need a vacation after my vacation.

Mar 10

We massively cleaned their Airbnb and I think the place looks as good as it did before we arrived. We drove along the coast and saw some  spectacular beaches, winding roads reminiscent of Tofino and cliffs that reminded me of Taos, New Mexico. We went to one place jumped on multiple trampolines and swam in the ocean with the waves and had the beat ever Thai noodle food. The girls loved it and instead of seeing all the other cute little towns along the way I just took a few pictures and we went to the last place. It's a caravan park that I was dreading and it's fabulous. There are koalas in the trees and I saw a kangaroo on the side of the road. Met some nice neighbours with a perfect 6 month old. The young dad was surprised to hear that if you get bitten by a snake you are not to do anything

and do not move move. I laughed and asked if his  wife told him that? She probably also told you to expose your neck and drop into a fetal position circling the snake so it bites you repeatedly then you have to go to the hospital and explain to them why you didn't walk away and you'll be the laughing stock while she is going through your insurance policy.

 Went to buy a bottle of wine and didn't have enough money and she said oh that's ok hun. come back when you do have it tomorrow and sent me home with the bottle. I don't do well on the honour system. Thinking of keeping the two dollars and driving to Mexico, or the Australian equivalent. Never did drink it. The cold has taken over all my senses and kleenex.

I did go to pay the missing balance and she said to keep it. I love this peaceful place.

So the Corona virus does not have affected me or my business but yesterday we did have one cancellation due partially. we ended up renting a nicer place for less money so that worked out good. 

Now there is a really weird side effect of the virus in Australia and that's that people are hoarding toilet paper not even masks. You can't get toilet paper anywhere. if you order it online you can't even find it in their inventory. It's so weird and it's such a frenzy here. The Aussies are so strange lol.

Mar 11

So it was another long night with Renee up perhaps three times, coughing alot. The first time she crawled in bed it was so cute but that gets old fast. Now I'm  run down, sleep deprived with a head cold, cranky on vacation.

We left the kids in their jammies and decided to go for a field and forest hike to the beach far

away.  Saw lots of horses along the way and hoped to see kangaroos but no luck. Did see a another small koala outside our cabin. Fed the horses rotten old apples and Renee was so nervous.

Realised that this campground was super Zen so we stopped worrying about the cars until the twins separated and one disappeared. I was not worried but am I a bad grandma to think that if something bad happened, I was going to be in big trouble? 

I lay down for a nap in the afternoon while daughter looked after the ankle biters and did 1000 crafts with them. The highlight of our day was going to the park to play on the swings and spying some loose baby goats. They were so cute until they started head butting us.

They walked the pet goats/unicorn home

After many photos, the owner came over and put them on leashes and our girls walked them home. That will be the highlite I'm sure. Finally cracked into the bottle of wine play some dice and made jam out of the $24 container of pick your own strawberries. Time to crash.

Oh crap, all flights flying into states will be refused from Europe. No idea if Australia is safer- someone suggested that Trump probably thinks Australia is Europe as well.  Doesn't matter, once they hear me croak like a hoarse frog, coughing, I will be quarantined. Sigh!

And the only "news" I read and re-posted for being so helpful was from Facebook. Daughter debunked every single belief I had. Damn. When did the internet start lying,?

Hated leaving the caravan park paradise. They upgraded us and backed us onto an idyllic farm vista that I could look outside forever.

Last thing we did was sing happy birthday again and apply powdered coloured streaks to everyone's hair. They have blond, very fine hair and it was adorable. Now it's time for Cathy's annual fashion tip. Do not under any circumstances do it to a brunet with fine hair. First of all it doesn't show up and secondly it DESTROYS your hair so you wont be able to comb  it after; like a discount dry hair shampoo made of ajax. Another stoopid idea from FB.

Had a psychotic experience at the  cheese factory. They ran, touched everything they shouldn't, esp in the wine display. We left the cheese factory with no cheese. Grrrr. Every time I chase and yell, I cant talk and swallow and it hurts.

The highlite of the Great Ocean road are the 12 Apostle rock formations. Lots of racing, notice for proper selfies, hot but spectacular.  Ok I dont want to say it out loud but maybe sightseeing is for adults only.

Had to stop at the grocery store for wine, need wine, l must buy it all up so I don't throttle them. Kids were rotten going to bed with so many excuses. I predicted

7:46 pm, and it was a hard well-earned win for all.

Mar 12

So many breakfasts wasted. Make up your minds! Yer grumpy grandma is tired and sick.

8-9am we drove to Thunder Point Lookout and it was more than breathtaking, then nearby to Stingray beach where they constantly ran into the deep water. Gawd they would try the patience of Job, or Mother Theresa for you souls who are going to hell anyway for not knowing the Bible reference.

We checked out only to have the little spawns of Satan scream for hours- we were ragged. Of course just before we arrived they both nodded off. One was so distraught, she missed her daddy so I sent him a plea to video himself talking to the girls. He did one better and read them a story but they didn't get that it was a video, so they cried harder when he ignored their questions.

Arrived- there was a monstrous kangaroo a car length away...we were all so excited. After visiting, we decided to do finger paints on deck and suddenly it's there, on our deck scaring the bejesus out of us. Can they run off with the babies? What if we talk softly and we place them in their pouches?  

We were mesmerized for an hour then realized there were 26 of them short walkway at a sanctuary.

Shopping for food- kill me

Picking up restaurant food for supper- kill me.  All they do is scream and beg for candy- where are big kangaroos with empty pouches when you need them?!

Been away two weeks. At home I'm "regular" 3x a day. Here, never!  I haven't pooped in months...I'm  sure that's how long I've really  been here for. If I ever do get on the plane I will need 3 bloated seats. 

Its bleak, wrapped up with scarves shivering, too listless to get a blanket or walk to my bed, coughing up lungs. How many freakin'  lungs do I have?

Mar 13- went to bed totally drugged up with babies medicines, my medicines, everything but I was still coughing a good part of the night. Best part of the morning is Ground Zero Renee joining me in bed and snuggling. 

I been looking for love in all the wrong places. I found it with two little non Corona spewing coughing crabby laughing babies- they're the loves of my life....and I really can't wait to go home and get better.

Our cabin came with a large Jacuzzi tub and I thought they'd love to swim with grandma but with their swim bottoms on- I'm not completely stoopid, please. What was I thinking? Turns out I'm  completely stoopid. Slippery munchkins,  floaties, fighting and one just stood beside me and started spitting. Wish you were there instead of me.

Went to the kangaroo sanctuary and the girls were so excited to be so close...but of course they took off in a dead run towards these probably territorial beasts. Sheer panic... that should be the new title for our adventures. You can see it in their eyes the exact moment they decide, "screw this, I want to fly" and both telepathically bolt away in opposite directions, usually towards a cliff, road, wildlife or waterfalls. It's when the swears fly out of your mouth as you curse their children's  children for 7 generations. I should have been a voodoo priestess but by now I'm probably an honorary one. One time I was sooooooooooooo angry and as I held the least culpable one, I said, your sister is very very bad! She looked at me with angelic eyes and said, "grandma, I'm  bad too". Arrrgh stop being so damn cute.

Played in the wonderful park until another meltdown...not sure if it was ours or their's but a meltdown was had. If we can just make it thru another short kill-me grocery trip without a murder happening. I know these passages are getting darker. Two sick mommies should never go out with two ninja babies who are full of piss and vinegar. 

Final outing was to find the natural Venus Bath Hot springs. A couple of very rough chasing marathons till we found the trail, gorgeous only to learn all the pools were frigid. Sigh! What am I doing looking for hot springs in Australia? On the bright side, I think I've convinced daughter to buy leashes for the girls.

 We promised  ourselves we wouldn't go out again, just supper in but we are weak and off to see the roos again.

Bedtime goes like this... once they are in bed at 7pm, on the dot, we attempt to eat uninterrupted. No more showers for the ankle biters - too tired. Only 2 books each, hugs and our tears when it all works. We get a glass off sleeping wine, both pull out our phones, do the droopy head bob for 1-2 hours and in bed by 9 at the latest. Cough all nite, and repeat with the early cuddle.

Mar 14

430 they awoke and one came in darkness with arms uplifted, like my heart. As we walked

to my room, she asked for her echidna, and I realized with horror, I did not have the cuddler. I had Mickie the stump- when she sleeps, she does not move, or hug. Boody hell, I want my money back. Now don't be looking at me that way. I didn't send her off in the woods to be kicked by angry kangaroos. I hugged her and pretended I was married again lmao. I'm just kidding. We slept well but the sight of our house when we woke up was painful. With zombie moms, the kids get away with murder and emptied every container of toys and puzzles they could find and then started on scattering the dry cereal... Checking out was going to be brutal and very time consuming but somehow, we pulled it off and left. Screw any stops. Enough is enough. Her house was mini Nirvana, fresh and clean and every room smelling of fresh paint. After massages for the weary master of the house, and a wonderfully long massage session for the girls, the rest of the day was so uneventfully pleasant I won't even bore you with it. 

Mar 16

Back to the real world... flight day, I hope. I did notice our sabbatical deprived us from our current events -state of emergency where I was flying out of and notices to all foreigners to get out, get the hell out now you unwelcome locusts. Messages from concerned family and friends. State of emergency where I'm flying to and me with three seats on a plane choking back coughing. The morning after the red eye I went to the bathroom and the coughing started. Usually it's a half hour to hour clearing affair but it finally ended. I slunk out knowing all the staff were there listening to "ground zero" come out. I looked down, took my drink and had the kindest steward ask if I was ok. It's getting harder to reassure people 'it's just a cold'. Landing in the states shortly. If I make my short connection, I think Dorothy  is finally coming home. 

It's much worse than it looks

Well, LAX went smoothly and I caught my flight but there were endless lines and securities and health checks.  On the plane, after someone notified them, a sweet airline staffer asked if I would wear a mask because I had "a bit of a cough".  Was she kidding me?  A bit?  I took it gratefully and realized for the next 4 1/2 hours I'd be re-breathing my breath and coughing. When I stood to let someone walk, I accidentally touched the stop of the screen of the lady behind me.  She actually shrieked, "What are you doing.  Don't touch. OMG!" then she wiped down her entire unit again.  When you wear a mask, you are the enemy and it's mob warfare out there.  The couple beside me put their hoods up and refused to look my way.  Another lady, before the mask, refused to let me get the seat change I was promised. In the airport people were loudly saying into their phones that EVERYONE is sick in the airport as they looked pointedly at me and they were so angry.  When the country you are in and the one you are going back to say get out now, you do. My last prideful moment was in border security answering all the questions.  I did admit to having a cough, high fever and pain (one question) so when the young dude repeated that, I said, actually, just a cough and explained. He asked if I wanted to speak to the Public Health officer and I saw where he motioned, a room full of sick people with masks, and all looking like they had been detained for a long time, I said, Absolutely not.  It's a cold, and he stared for a long time then sighed and said, welcome to Canada.  Tried to arrange my return bus ride home and the dude was angry, abrasive, and in my face, no matter how softly I spoke .  It was only when I said I had a refundable ticket that he changed completely.  The whole world has gone mad! 

I did not realize just how lucky I had been to actually get in before the borders closed.  At

Pic of a rose I took

home the next day, my doctor said to stay home, suck it up and wait it out and you know what?  The trip was totally worth it all cause now the Australian Prime Minister has banned all non essential flights out of the country and the borders are closed indefinitely.  The end.  Thanks for following  my chronicles.  Feel free to sign up for my much shorter blogs.