Travel and Pampering for the Host of a Bed and Breakfast -2019 W Caribbean Cruise

Travel and pampering is what everyone wants at a Bed and Breakfast but who takes care of the host.  The bigger question is who would turn down a pre-paid cruise with a dear family friend who had suffered a great loss and needed to get away? Certainly not me.  

You'd think, by now, I would know the ropes but I'm always nervous about traveling. My housemate, aka no-longer-in-the-will daughter refused to take me to the airport. I'm too cheap for a taxi and Uber confuses me so that left the bus system!  The previous day  it was minus 40 but travel day was supposed to be only -12; of course that doesn't happen when I travel. When I woke up at 0-stupid-Hour, it was still - 35 with a wind chill advisory and of course I'm traveling in summer jeans. I have hauled my large suitcase to the further bus stop because I knew the enclosure was protected from the wind but of course someone kicked out all the glass. 

Another traveler suggested a more direct bus to a different destination so now I didn't know where I was going or what the connections were. I asked an incoming bus driver if the 97 stops where I am and he said yes but hop on I'll get you to a warmer bus stop okay. Bus drivers are so nice.  We talk, he wants to show me pictures of his dog on his cell phone... while he's driving, good grief, and suddenly he stops and says wait where are you going again? I told him the airport and I hear, "oh shit I screwed up it's the other direction okay don't worry I will take you to the O-station (which of course I've never used) and its be warmer there and then that'll take you to another bus which would be faster than if I took the original one." This was getting really complicated. Once there after much worry, a gentleman specifically told me which direction to wait for the airport bus and wait I did until I realized he sent me to the wrong place which was warm. Back to the other side of the road which  wasn't heated and there were no buses at all. There was a huge accident on the highway and the buses couldn't get through. I was seriously worried about frostbite I was there for so long and missing my flight.  40 minutes later in the frigid air, the bus came and I realized I was only going just to the states so I only had to be there 2 hours early. Loads of time.

In the US airport, one of the first sites to assault my eyes was this and I realized I was in crazy man's county.  

Once I arrived in Orlando, the hi jinks continued. There were so many terminals. I got off the plane, followed the millions of people who took the tram to the other side and went downstairs, of course the wrong way to pick up my luggage and go to lost and found to inquire of my missing reading glasses which  fell off in the bathroom on the plane. 

BTW, have you ever been the last person on the plane at arrival.  I was waiting for everyone to get off and suddenly, I was swarmed by non English speaking cleaning staff.  They were like locusts swarming over every seat moving at the speed of light to tidy up our messes.  

 After a bit, the glasses were located and I had to retrace my steps and go back to the beginning only this time through security and the lineup was 10,000 deep. Caught the tram, ran over there and grabbed the glasses turned around and down again went through the tram. Went downstairs to meet my buddy went the wrong way yet again, had to circle around and go down a different place. The whole day was just chasing my tail. 

We finally connected and went to the airport hotel  and realized we got the last room with a king size bed to share with a half stranger, me. Awkward! We both slept badly. I woke up every hour on the hour, him a new widower and me, just on my own for far too long.

We went to bed at 8 o'clock, you know seniors (58 and 75) and I was up for the day around 3 and 4 o'clock. I've scanned the rat race to find the right person to give us the right information but alas they did not exist. We shuffled, like cattle, from one terminal to the next, upstairs downstairs and finally after given up all hope, we got herded through another terminal upstairs and downstairs to catch a shuttle to the cruise ship. I've never been so lost.  With over 4000 people on the cruise ship,I'm counting on 10 days of being more lost.  

With the balcony upgrade the rooms are huge with couches and tons and tons of storage. Before I left Canada I just kept packing stuff in my suitcase and I realized I'd forgotten all my underwear and socks so then I over compensated, and packed everything I've ever owned. I have probably for 12 days, 25 pairs of underwear;  Ridiculously unnecessary. We got the drink package; probably totally unnecessary too. Another Cruise Line guest from a travel site said if you drink 15 drinks per day it would probably pay off but we each drink only two and we're smashed. It's quite comical and pathetic - we can barely stay awake till 8 o'clock at night which is weird cause I'm not normally in bed until midnight..

I couldn't wait to use the gym and its was magnificent.  I could blow off the ports of call just to work out. Or maybe I'll go for supper number 7. At one of my first meals, I saw a tub of mozzarella and just piled it on....nope, rice noodles! You don't make that mistake twice. Also everyday hidden away is a different cobbler with caramel sauce. Yes! That is how I want to be buried.

So our balcony is on the 14th floor and yet there's ocean spray from all the way down there. Oh it felt so nice to listen to the waves all night long with the window open but it's sure high up.

After two days at sea, we were anxious to get off to see the Bahamas, but it was cancelled so it's off to the gym.  

My friend Jerry was a forensic fire investigator so I knew he would be amazing doing Escape Under the Big Top, like an Escape Room. Forensic investigator my ass. He was, and I say this with love, just as stupid as I was.

Everyday, we hot tubbed and we also watched the various shows; the NewlyWed game was hysterical, as was the Hypnotist. Finished off in the hot tub again at night and a movie playing under the stars. Doesn't get any better than this.

I read today, "everyone has their own story and a duty to tell it". I like that. 

Next stop was the island of Jamaica -Ocho Rios.  We just walked straight into town and oh boy have I forgotten how  ports of calls are. It was bad! You're at the mercy of the locals wanting to have us use their taxi services and they were relentless, cunning and oh so charming.  "Do you want to see the beach. Look at my shop. My shop better, lookie, cheap cheap" and the more they do this and the more they follow us,  the more pissed off I get.  We were just looking to window shop and get a taxi but I'm not paying $40. You walk off of the entrance and there now down to $30 but I bet I could get it for cheaper (famous last words). What could go wrong with that brilliant idea? 

One block more and we were into the inner city, the ghetto and oh my goodness what a culture shock. We were definitely the minority in the sea of very dark. Oh the landscape, the povery and the smells-  I could tell from looking at by travel companion that I had made a huge mistake.  I think we were both almost too shocked to react; well that is until the local batshit crazy mentally unstable woman started chasing after us screaming, even crossing the road  with us, shrieking the whole while. I was getting very nervous and finally we made the decision to take a cab and a near blind man shows up. He's got obvious cataracts with eyes that each look a different way and his teeth have rotted out.  He was very lovely but extremely pushy and finally I got the Jamaican brush of, "you don't like black people?  If you think you can find your way, go ahead lady." And then the skies opened up and an angel taxi driver showed up. We agreed on $25 for a fast and dirty city tour. We enjoyed ourselves and by the time my traveling companion paid him we're up to $40 anyway. Should have just let him take the first cabbie.

Finally we went back to the boat, ignored all the pushy vendors, "nothankyounothankyounothankyou" through security and I realized I just left my sunglasses in the cab - omg what have I done? My other sunglasses had bitten the dust on the first day. I have to go back and now I have to go do the walk of shame to ask every single vendor that I gave the cold shoulder to moments ago to ask if they sold sunglasses. It took me about 5 agonizing tries until one had a little basket of sunglasses. One was scratched to hell, one was clear glass, one was for a child and then again the skies opened up and an angel reached down and handed me the perfect pair of sunglasses for $5. I hightailed it out of there, got on the ship and after lunch went to use the hot tub again. It's the medical cure for all that ails you and if it doesn't work, the free pool side drink service picks up the slack.

You are always guaranteed to drinks and a show in the hot tub. There are some people that never leave the ship and stay in that hot tub 10 days straight to avoid all this stuff that we just went through. I put my drink down and the waiter came by and said are you finished? When I said no, the older guy beside me said yes she is, take it.  The waiter did and I said louder, "no I'm not finished".  He told the poor confused waiter again to take it away so he did.   I asked "why the hell did you give away my drink?"  He said it was his son's and he wasn't coming back.  Imagine his surprise when he realized he actually gave away my drink and had to replace it.  Oh, I laughed until I realized later that he wasn't on a drink plan.  OOps.

So off to the fancy French bistro-  we had a coupon with our room for a free bottle of wine. I haven't had a whole bottle of wine in a long time and I was a really feeling it so I got kind of sort of wasted a little. The lovely waitress introduce herself and apologized for something then said she was excited cuz it was her birthday and we talked to her a little bit. A second young lady showed up to fill our water and he asked how old she was for her birthday and she was a little bit confused. Apparently all of them look the same to him and I howled with laughter, yet again. Was feeling a little too woozy to do anything on the ship so we watch movies for the rest of the night and crashed.

On the first day, the room steward introduced himself and over the course of the 10 days, I tried desperately to remember his name.  Something like DY Aine but he had an accent and that is my downfall.  On the very last day, at reception, I wanted to leave a good review and requested the exact spelling of his very ethnic name........Dwayne, she told me.  I'd been butchering an English name all week that he was spelled out but I thought it was just a long name.

Day number 5, we're off to Grand Cayman today with absolutely no plans except to walk the city and probably the rent taxi with another couple to see the city.  Love starting my day with the gym.

So this was to be our second official shore day to Great Stirrup Cay, a Grand Cayman Island. We took the tender over for the first time along the shore and realized all the stores are closed because it's Sunday. The only stores open were tourist traps. We walked around, took the obligatory pictures and headed back to the harbor. It was a real treat not to be harassed by taxi, parrot holders, hair braiders .... We went back to the port to find another couple looking for a taxi but ended up going with a small tour van with a small group of Germans. They did not have to be back until 7 but we were assured we would be back by 2 o'clock. Well we went to a rum store to catch a buzz and a city tour and drove away from 7 Mile beach, darn, and  learned a lot of history, then we went to the turtle and Dolphins sanctuary. It was

then that we realized she screwed up and left her group there. She told us to run and see the dolphins for about 2 minutes,  drove like a mad woman to visit "Hell" for 3 minutes and then back to the boat in time so she could run back and pick up her crew. Oh so relaxing!!! Not. 

We can say we went to Hell and back. It is very well marketed because there is nothing to see; all hype. Never did get to see 7 mile beach.

Hell- just dried rocks

We were hungry and tired and crashed for the rest of the afternoon. Late supper made it to see the fantastic illusionist comedian and in bed by 9:30 with a time change but really 8:30.

Day 6-another great start in the gym then a crashing defeat...I weighed myself. Damn why did i do that. Shock therapy!!!  Said no to a couple of drinks and desserts. Oh when i get back I'm in for some serious change. Why do we justify wickedness when we are on vacay?

Solo breakfast and dined with strangers. He was a chatty one; I see it doesn't make a difference, even in international waters the world over- the men always seem to have verbal diarrhea. She had a headache so there I am standing up in the restaurant giving her an Indian head massage and looking like I'm pulling this woman's head off. I must have been a sight. 

Suntanned and hot tubbed again and learned something shocking...1/4 of the ship are Canadians...that's about 1000 advertisements on board and I only brought a few business cards. Damn I'm slipping. Already I'm mentally creating a smaller card for cruise travel. Already I have lined up potential clients who visit Ottawa for sports and business and some that want full house. This is a brilliant market...soaking in the hut tub, first thing they all do is ask where are you from and when a few say Canada, I work it in that I have a B&B in Ottawa, the capital, and they seem to remember the name, even on subsequent visits. Now I'm angling for a way to be called on stage and when I introduce myself to the audience, Spoiled Rotten BnB will definitely grace my lips, perhaps loudly.  Oh I wish I truly loved to be the centre of attention in front of strangers because I know it will not happen.

Been reading and moving slower these days- only 4 more left. Have to figure out how to go scuba diving in Belize. Oh I miss WiFi. I'm having serious withdrawals. 

Belize tomorrow, Costa Maya then Cozumel, my favourite place for scuba diving. We have a 10pm show tonite that we will never be able to stay up for, I fear. I feel like I've become an honorary senior by travelling with my 75 year young friend. He won't go to the gym with me so I punished him with Combat Ping Pong- every shot is in. Man were we huffin' and puffin'. 

Slept way too much but actually made the 10pm show and it was a FANTASTIC show about drag queens, "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert" and they came from Australia. This is unheard of; me not falling asleep.  I've only ever stayed awake for the Lion King but slept thru every other Broadway musical. Most of the older travelers smiled and said it was fine but I most loved the illusionist and Drag Queen show.

We eat all of our breakfasts and lunches is in the buffet room and there was a young Asian girl there to welcome everybody and get them to wash their hands. She's over the top cheerful, and downright annoying. And she says very loudly, "Welcome to lunch. Happy happy, Washy washy, yummy yummy for your tummy to every single person that comes through the door at least twice a day and there are 4000 people on the board... perhaps so she could be saying upwards of 24,000 times per day. Even the staff on board imitate and mock her. Its like going to the Dominican in hearing the words cheapi cheapie all the time. I could hack my brain out every time I hear it but lots love her. 

So two days before I left Canada,  the temperature was -40 Fahrenheit and Celsius and now its about 85 Fahrenheit. That's 125 degrees difference.  Its hard to reconcile because with me not celebrating Christmas and now I'm doing something different in January I don't know whether I coming or going. But it's sure a good way to go if I had to. 

Went yesterday to the excursions desk to tell him the biggest thrill of my life is to go to Belize and scuba dive and he tells me they don't do scuba diving here even though its the second largest barrier reef. We kind of argued for a while and in the end, came to a truce agreeing to hate each other.

Apparently  NCL has purchased an island near Belize, outfitted it for an all inclusive and this is the stop,- 2 hrs from the closest reef. All that means is I have to pay for drinks meals and entertainment while I lie on their beach in the sun. Got to see the butterfly house but there were only three butterflies.   


Sitting on the deck of our room, in the beautiful sunshine looking at the lighthouse and the white sandy beach and the 6 pelicans dive bombing the water was da bomb. I've had worse days in life. Don't think I've ever been so relaxed and lazy. Had to change the clocks again and I realize that if I was going to try and scuba dive Costa Maya instead of Cozumel I would need to get to bed early and stop drinking. 

But just before we went to bed I found another activity on the ship that was on my bucket list of things to do. Play giant chess; more exactly, learn giant chess and not worry about people staring because the deck was empty. So Jerry taught me how to play and its been 40 years since he played too. I tried to learn from my ex once but I was just too brain dead. I had a couple of staff members cheering me on at one point saying I was winning and I didn't even know how. I got a lot of lucky moves and oh my God for the first time in history I won a game of strategy. Woohoo! This was quite possibly my favourite memory.

Our drinking needs work. One of us gets a free pre-lunch drink and the other one gets sucked in for a lunch drink and then we have lunch and go back to the room crawl under the blankets and sleep it off. Then we wake up a few hours later and one person has a drink before supper, one has a drink with supper then go back to the room crawl under the blankets, back to sleep then we get up again usually to do some night entertainment and repeat but usually we don't make it that late.

So I'm up at O dark hundred ready to start the day get off the ship at 8 and it's quite cold outside, unlike like every other day of course. It I have no idea if I'm going scuba diving because my debit card did not work so we'll see if the credit card does. Also they're full on board so I have to do it off ship and who knows. If it was meant to be, I'll be diving today.

So the same "bitchy male diva" that was giving me grief yesterday when I inquired about scuba diving the night before blew me off and today met me at the dock and said yes definitely we can fit you in and then it when I went back to check with him he was bitchy yet again,  rolling his eyes, saying, "like I toooold you last night, blah blah blah. He must definitely have been on the drag queen show. So for $179 I'm going for a refresher even though my last dive was at the great barrier reef in Australia. It's $10 cheaper than a two man dive so I'm sure I have made a mistake. I went to shore very early and discovered two people have cancelled on the full excursion with the ship. I know I can get it cheaper (you think I would learn) so I go further in and a manager tells me there's no other places that have availability and if I walk into town it's going to take 40 minutes and he has nothing so I turn around and go back and pay for a ship one. 

I kind of came to the conclusion at the beginning the middle and the end this will probably be my last scuba diving but my insolent eldest daughter reminded me I have said that for my last 2-3 dives. Rude, eh? It was just okay. Its dark, the coral is going downhill everywhere and there was not that many fish but more importantly, they seem to be shrinking the wet suits. There were 8 people in my group and all of them had not scuba dived before and I was on dive number 25 so its so silly when they make me do the refresher but I guess it was comprehensive.  I never really enjoyed the 2nd dive which ends up being too much for me.  Glad its over with.

This particular cruise stop crammed three huge cruise ships; Norwegian, Celebrity and Royal all side by side.

My poor roomie, he has a cold and is out of commission.  We went off the ship separately and that was the end of our day together, and a dry alcohol free day. I  can now say, hi I'm  Cathy, I'm  a cruise alcoholic and I've been sober 1 day. 

We did see the much loved Burning Up the Floor dance extravaganza and I must be near the end of my cruise cause I was bored. Beautiful dancing but maybe I was just jealous and regretful that I could count on 3 fingers people in my life who have enjoyed  dancing.

Day number 9, we went off the ship to get Wi-Fi where I had my biggest scare. Going on land, they asked everyone to put their knapsacks on the floor so that drug dogs could sniff them. Coming from the newly legal cannabis of Canada I was most nervous.

We  tried to educate a local that the best way to advertise his bar was not to tell people at 9 in the morning "come in and eat, drink" because we can get those for free on the ship and have just eaten but rather call out, "free Wi-Fi" because we're all starved for it.  He tried it twice and then he gave up.

Jerry and I parted ways and I went to walk along the boardwalk and it was like Jamaica all over again. If you walk in the shade that's where they all are picking and pecking at you so I crossed the street to the high sun by the boardwalk and kept walking. At some point I stopped to read my book and I heard my phone ping; good grief I forgot to turn off the Wi-Fi. I'll be paying for that one I'm sure. Came back to the room and he was sleeping so I lay up by the pool for another lazy day.

He left and I'm decided to do some balcony sun tanning privately if you get my drift. I made sure I had a proper cover up available and I left the door open a crack so I could hear his return and not shock the poor man. After I finished, my eyes were not adjusted, saw that he was still gone and went to drop my towel until a man's voice came 3 feet from me. He was sitting in his bed and I didn't even notice. That could have been extremely embarrassing for me. Guess I'll have to find the clothing optional place someone spoke of that nobody seems to be aware of. There's a lot left to do in one day and crisping up like bacon is on the list.

I was looking around the room at stuff maybe I haven't noticed and I noticed a stack of papers on a shelf on the far wall that we probably should have read on the first day. The first page was the lighting in the room which drives me absolutely insane and had we read this we would have saved ourselves some grief. At some point I went down to pay off the bill at guest services and ask them about a ship map. Again good grief, had we had this 8 days ago I would not have wandered  this ship lost constantly.

Went to supper alone a bit later and joined another couple. We talked for awhile, bonded over only-for-us guacamole and after the meal found out we were all from Orleans, a stones throw from my house. She's actually going to sign up for my paint classes and maybe  bring her girls and her husband for a private event. Small small world so I gave up my second marketing postcard of the cruise. Oh the business I could have had from this trip. 

Tried to stay up for the glow show but it was 10:30 and I was bored. Some said it was boring but they danced enough to break the pool cover so the pool was out of commission for the duration of the cruise. Saw a competitive couples comedy show game which ended up being more racy and pretty funny.  Listened to maybe one minute of lounge music at the Duelling Piano bar until my head clunked in a dead sleep at my table, my loss for not staying longer, then went to bed.

Last day on the ship date number 10. My roomie started to cough, poor thing, but the real victim, as we all know is me catching this male Typhoid-Mary plague. I plan to do rock climbing and repelling today and maybe play some billiards and poker but I sported a dull headache, no not a hangover, and slept a bit myself. What my headache didn't cancel, the gale force winds threatened to take care of. I will find that elusive clothing optional sunbathing to get that last minute tan all over. I will drink and over indulge to maximize the final day because it's back to Ottawa and the snow and the cold and taxes tomorrow and if I'm really really lucky I will escape unscathed by the man-cold to find my house intact and ready for business.

Gale force winds but that just means windy and comical to walk on deck... and sadly no rock climbing. 

I researched the entire ship and no hidden sunbathing stops. My regular Adult only hot tubs contains at least two people so annoying that I have to get out. Sporting a dull headache since I woke up and I realized there is music everywhere.

Went to my first Brazillian restaurant and I loved it- mostly Mediterranean. Gambled but not going home a bazillionaire. Drank exactly one drink and was in bed by 8:30. I'm a pathetic party animal unless I compare myself to Jerry who never left his bed, poor thing.

Day#11- flying out today. My flight gate was changed, how annoying until I realized the people at that gate had theirs cancelled. Shortly after, I was offered a free aisle emergency exit seat and then learned that a man fell from a hotel at the airport and they cancelled 45 flights and delayed 97. Holy crap. I can say I honestly got lucky in the airport...not the Mile high club sense....more like the ground zero club because our flight left. Could the flight be any more perfect? A kid puked everywhere near me. Then the lady beside me admitted she was ill for only 3 days, so still contagious. Finally, the landing was so rough we thought it would flip on its side arrghhhhh! I want to be home.

Remember the war and peace Ottawa departure story of the buses?  Same story going home only it was 4 buses with me not having winter boots.  There had been a large snow storm the day earlier and again on my arrival.

Thankfully the last few streets were pretty good but the driveway, well, can't say the same.  Anyway, the house structure is still standing but I made it. Great memories of a trip - maybe the first time in history.  Thanks Jerry. 

2019 Musings on Flying Solo vs Alone and Starting Silent Retreats for One

It's what happens every year around this time while I'm out shoveling, doing a blue job. I'm led to contemplate my life and I ask you now to join in my Festivus Wallow aka known as a pity party or a celebration of my  life and accomplishments. Careful navigating this icy path with me; it could go either way. 

I realized exactly eight years ago today I became one; no not born, I guess "born again", baptism by fire into a reluctant world of being divorced, accepting the key to a city I wanted no part of. Some would say single, some would say alone- I guess it depends on my mood. 

And then I realized that now that it is 2019, I would be 59.  Remember when 40 was old and 60 was dead?  Well, I am one year from how-is-this-possible 60 and single.  I still feel like I'm a young pup but with the wisdom we have as we learn to let go, relax and stop judging both ourselves and others. 

Quite honestly it's a little bittersweet seeing others move on in their relationships, get married, take my kids on their vacation while I remain one. Of course I've had opportunities for more relationships but at what cost. Eight years alone, "forced" to become independent and rely only on myself, I have to ask myself if I would like to give up my independence.  I love having the house to myself when it is just me and no guests.  I love eating when I want, staying up til 2 am working or starting on my computer at 5 am.  Do I snore?  Who cares? My married friends all envy my lifestyle and I'm starting to see their point. I still believe the perfect arrangement is a side by side townhouse shared where I get one side and a partner, the other.  It's brilliant.

Perhaps these thoughts happen after yet another first coffee date on New Years and Christmas both  where past relationships always seem to come up and I truthfully answer questions, rehash the lives that used to be. The longer I date, the easier it is to write my version of a dating book..."Dating Expert Advise- Just Do the Exact Opposite of Whatever I'm Doing". Look for it on the best seller bookshelves of Indigo soon.

Over the last eight years I have carved myself a niche into a lifestyle that often fulfills me but a business that is  known too often to close its doors at 5 years due to burnout.  I think that is if you are running it alone and I can see how that is possible.   I've been open 4 1/2 and wonder what the future holds; what will happen next? Will the intuitives of the world be right that it's going to be too small a place for what I want to do? Only time will tell,

Trying out the Chakra glasses

I have a spiritual coven of sisters who support me and would give me the witches hat off their head and their last eye of newt if I needed it. I smile inside as I am surrounded by them once a month, or more if its a good month, and I realize many are at the center because we shared some spiritual interaction first at my place. They are my community, my new family as my old family moves on. We even muse that one day, when all the partners are gone, we will get a community of small houses where we share the duties and kitchen.  

As I move forward, in my heart I do wish my old family well even with them intentionally choosing to not share my path; how dare!. Life goes on, paths diverge and forest grows over the walkways so one is not able to find them again, as doors close forever.

Daughters move away, grand babies who were once the center of your life are now 40 hours away and tiny faces on a tiny phone and the looks on their faces are one of puzzlement and confusion. The heart breaks a little with each call.

Then I lay down for a nap and wake up and the malaise is gone as it always does and I realize in the last eight years it has been phenomenal; I've come a long way baby. Travel and change have been huge.   I have become a confidant and quasi-therapist to many. I have listened to so many in their own fog of sexuality talk for the first time without judgment about coming out, or dabbling, navigating the confusing world of the birds and the bees in times past where no one talked, communicated or shared and experimenting in a freer society. I am not a therapist but  my I have seen lots, more than the average Joe and sometimes all they need is to be heard and talk.

Church at my house

Musical Sound Healing

Celtic House Concert

I've been honored to witness, without judgment, people talking for the first time about their new paths in spirituality, healing and alternative medicines. I've opened my home to so many budding leaders hosting drumming circles, indigenous crafts, energy healing, spiritual coffee shops, creative painting, Tarot, mediums, musical sound healing and spiritual spa days. I've hosted snuggle salons, sex talks after divorce, house concerts, healing with cannabis and non-denominational spiritual church services in my home, often in the same week. Someone said with all the tormented and damaged souls coming through my front door, and there are many, I should smudge but I realize that all of my events keep this a place of healing and warmth and inclusiveness. Strangers comment on it as they walk through the door for the first time and when they come back.

I've had people book Healing Pamper packages so they can get away from the stresses and

torments of their life, after experiencing great losses and upcoming turmoils. They quickly learn that they will be put at ease, can let the stresses go at the door, be listened and leave with a bigger heart,breathing deeply and more relaxed. I love holding space for this.  I think maybe I will forgo the retreats which require lots of rooms and focus more on the individual requiring peace and silence.  (Oh stop rolling your eyes.  I can survive it for a couple of days). Silent Retreats for one or a combination of Silence and Talk- that could work.  

Yes, one door closed a mere eight years ago but so many others opened.  I constantly feel like I am on Lets Make a Deal only I have unlimited doors to choose from.  This is going to be a great year.  

Monthly Bookings at a B&B? - Just Don't Do It!

Providing the perfect B&B experience in Orleans can go from happy to ugly in less than 60 seconds and I know all too well.  I could pinpoint the exact moment in time when my business took a nosedive.  It started with the scammers, continued with the homeless man who stayed with me and ran out of money then morphed into the one month family-with-infant booking from hell.  

The latter experience which trashed my well being occurred  minutes before New Years Eve 2017 when I had started my second cold with barely a break between the last, 2-month monkey on my back sickness.  I decided that I must become more proactive on increasing sales in the slow season.  I was finally going to add weekly and monthly rates to my January Airbnb site while working at midnight and sick as a dog.  It was a recipe for disaster but, as always, I am the chef and master designer of all my future train wrecks. 

In a fog, I worked diligently for hours and calculated my minimum rates, forgetting the automatic deductions on my commissions and I changed all five listings to read continental breakfasts only.  Done.  One minute after I activated it, I had my first inquiry, which is a very very bad sign.  They had a 5 month old baby; would that be a problem?  Beggars can't be choosers although I have read literally 1000's of responses from other B&B owners to say NEVER, under any circumstances, take kids but especially babies.  I knew better and I could never tell my group what hellfire I brought on myself for fear they would vote me off the island.  

I confirmed the booking and a nagging idea told me to make sure I had put the note about no large breakfasts for monthly bookings.  Nope and OMG!!!!! They had read the reviews about the amazing breakfast and they wanted what was rightfully theirs whether they bankrupted me or not.  Not their problem as they were young adults and the universe rotated for this couple.

Let's do the math.  If a typical small, unfurnished one bedroom for one person goes for $550 in the burbs, minus the booking commission, I would receive $526...for a month.....but for 3 people?  They were not even being charged for the 3rd one- yes yes, a baby.  Ok, let's forget the baby.  That's about $9 per day per adult.  Now, because I must keep my word, I have to find some way to feed a breakfast  which I lowball normally at $7 pp.  Now I'm making $2 pp daily.  OM freakin' word.  One is a vegan so no eggs, milk, cheese; the staples of every B&B, and sadly, doesn't like oatmeal. I'm probably down to -$5 pp since he, however, prefers meat at every meal. Meat's pretty cheap, right?  So -$10 a day is what percentage of the cheapest hostel in Ottawa going for $30 per bed and no food served.  These guys had found a cash cow.  they had capitalized on finding the needle in a haystack mistake, like the rare Expedia error of flights for under $10 that sell out in seconds.  That is a huge chain tho and I'm a struggling entrepreneur in the off season.  I know, no points for guilt trips.

When the booking error was made, I immediately called head office and was told I'd have to pay a $100 to cancel the booking that had been in effect for 2 whole minutes.  He told me to try to find a way to make it work because if the clients were upset or mad, it wouldn't go well.  Hindsight, I should have fought tooth and nail and won as I'm one a Superhost but I didn't.  Error number... what are we up to now, 1000?

All correspondence thru the online booking agent was strictly French and I'm not great defending myself in another language so any clarification on their part is interpreted as angry requests which makes me nervous. Imagine hosting a family for an entire month and they didn't appear to speak a word of English and they are confrontational- I knew it would be brutal.  Turns out they were perfectly bilingual.  

Now I didn't want to undermine my years of working hard to be a Superhost then losing this heavyweight title.  I explained that I made a mistake and couldn't possibly feed a regular breakfast for this fee.  I would however be able to have on hand a basic continental breakfast of coffee, toast, cereal, milk and maybe fruit, or eggs.  

Having gone thru my write up with a fine tooth comb, she said, "well you wrote no breakfast for longer than a week so you will feed us for a week and after that I only get milk and eggs?...I'm vegan. Is that all I'm going to get?"  My God, we B&B owners hate vegans....it's so expensive to cook continuously.  And I was told later that she became vegan almost at the time of the booking, maybe a week earlier.  WHY WAS I CHOSEN TO BE PUNISHED???  I'M A NICE PERSON DAMNIT.  Oops, I'm yelling.  I've been afraid that if I started to yell, I'd never be able to stop from the frustration of everything. Make no mistake, if I could have someone pay me $10 a day so I could hire a personal chef to cook me vegetarian or vegan every day of my life, I would jump at the chance too. 

So back to the non-existant profit for two of the three guests.  The baby is a freeloader.  I was asked about laundry which makes me leery because my machines are new and I don't want a stranger breaking them and I hoped they would offer to pay per load.  Nope.  Stupid me for assuming.  The load was started, and started and started.  I started to suspect they were running a black market laundromat as the machines were running day and night for 24 hours. In retrospect, I should have hire the baby to work there too.    I didn't find out until later that the dryer vent trap was never cleaned so it was solid with lint, or firestarter, and the washer is permanently stained with dried soap. Also, the baby uses reusable diapers.  What if the poop was not cleaned properly?   I wonder how much electricity and water 800 loads cost running at peak times.  Nevermind, I'm rich, I forgot. 

Then, to avoid my having to cook, I said they could because they were there for a month and cook she did, for an entire day to prepare all her meals  for the week.  It looked like a sauna in my house while the outside was minus 25 degrees.  Not to worry, the stove was heating the house.  I like to keep it at 19 or 20 but there was a baby in the house so now it has to be higher. 

On a more personal note, some of you might remember my rant about germs and being contagious for the first 3 days of a cold.  If you suspect you are becoming sick, I do NOT want to have you sharing my breathing space.  Not now, not ever because I work alone and if I'm too sick to work, the business is going down.  Well, he showed up on arrival with a newly budding cold.  Fortunately for them, I was just in the throws of mine altho it was a very short cold, over in record time.  Then she caught his cold and all plans stopped.  They squatted in the living room surrounded by baby toys everywhere and numerous Kleenex boxes, all now empty, (hmm I wonder how much I paid out in Kleenex) and they never left the building.  Not a problem, I light my fireplace with $20 bills.

I won't clean my house with guests in the house so my house is completely trashed.  I had a workshop the next day with 16 people coming to do Paint Night. In 2 1/2 hours, I would make more from them than I would from 2 weeks of hosting the current ones.   

Did I mention that they both shower ALOT and for long periods of time?  Chaching!

Now don't get me wrong, they are nice enough people but they are very self entitled so they cannot fathom my pain although as i write this, I remember that they do know my pain and just didn't care.  It was cheaper to stay at my place while they rented out theirs and made a profit.  He even told me they once made a mistake like this and had to eat it but it changed nothing.  Gawd I hope karma invites them for dinner soon.  

 I just had a potential guest ready to check in just tell me, "there is a baby there?  Sorry, I've changed my mind."  I wonder how much more business my newfound lottery of guests will cost me.  $100....flush.

It was the busiest solo summer of work I've ever experienced.  I've been sick for two months so all I want is perhaps, a single person renting my room quietly and making their own meals.  Is that too much to ask.  I explained one day I'm thinking of closing my doors if I have to make breakfast every single day, it's that exhausting when you know each meal bleeds away your wallet and each fancy breakfast takes time to prepare.  After the one week of full breakfasts, I sent them a text saying that was your last breakfast.  She started to harp on me and I went ballistic.  Called Head office and they made me an offer to soften the pain.  So rather than let me out of my initial mistake and forgo the $100 penalty, they were going to pay twice that for costs.  Gawd I hated these guests.  

Oh, did I forget to tell you that they all slept till 11am.  I have to have laundry done by 11 am before the rates jump.  Nope, not happening.  They did go to sleep at 8:30 which meant right about the time I would start another load, they would be in bed for the night so I had to postpone to WHEN??????  In retrospect, I should have shut everything down, no laundry, no cooking, nothing but hindsight is a bitter pill!!!

Being the most perfectest damnedest hostess on the planet, I wouldn't flush toilets or drain bathtubs if guests were in the basement because it's really loud but the passive aggressive frustrated side of me wanted to so I could serve the infernal breakfast and jumpstart my day, even tho I've been up since 5:30.    Agghhhh! I now you are both feeling my pain AND shaking your head at my stupidity.

I looked at my neatly folded and displayed plush white towel tower in the guest bathroom and realized it was all gone.  Almost every single towel was wet and it was only day two with two paying guests.  I politely asked if I could wash some of their towels and told, no , it's ok.  So many things I should have done but I don't like rocking the boat.  Forget logic, what do I do if I get even one more booking.  "Sorry folks, no towels.  Hope you brought some from home."

My biggest challenge was either putting the bug in their ear to choose something even more exciting than my place (there isn't and they won't care) , praying for them to realize they are too sick to stay (they love the Florence Nightengale remedies I'm using for my protection) or to suck it up and realize all the benefits of this arrangement.  Ummmmm..... there has to be something.
Ok, here goes....

1.  It was a new year and I had lots of leftovers on me from the previous year.  Cooking vegan could only help my figure.
  
2.  My grandbabies were stolen away from me at their most interesting stage and I have no one to kiss and smell their sweet baby toes...except for the 5 month old who is here (sadly just not the same).  

3.  I used to do unique dress up photography with the other babies and now I have no one to spoil, until now but they didn't appreciate it either.  Sigh!

4.  I was losing guests and money because there was a baby here but I didn't really want guests anyway on my down time.  

5.  Knowing they never leave the house, I can come and go as I like to get things done. 

6.  I'm free to spring clean hidden rooms that hold the horrors of last minute storage and hoarding that may never have been properly cleaned since dinosaurs walked the earth. 

7.  I am fulfilling the dream of a young military couple to live in the lap of luxury before they take off for another adventure. Ok, that one needs a lot of work. That's a stretch for even me. 

So, every time you are having a bad couple of days, re-read this War and Peace journal.  I said I wouldn't ever rent my place for a month again and it's now 2019 and I haven't and won't.  They beat some sense into me and I guess that's good. I guess I better post this because if I have to read it one more time, I'm going to burst in flames.  Thanks for coming out.  

Traumacare Recovery While Traveling with Grandma

When you've been through trauma as I have for the last couple of weeks, 47 days to be exact, and you make it through, you just look at life differently. These last couple of weeks I've been in crisis care and I didn't want to tell any of you about it. I know you would all understand but I had to do this alone.

You know of course that I'm talking about visiting my twin grand baby toddlers in Australia right? Oh, they change the way you look at life, seriously.  Twins make you be "on" every waking minute of the day and every sleeping hour of the day that you never recover so your immune system is trashed and vulnerable and falls apart so your holidays are trashed and every one after.

Now, full disclosure, when I am with the babies, I know who is who.  One is a gentle giant and one has lungs on her not common with little people but on my cell phone video chat and in photos, I have a very hard time discerning who is who because their heads are itty bitty.  I can only guess which one is which and in the past, it was easier because one always seemed so serious but now that has changed.  Nevertheless, who could think of resisting these irresistible toddlers?

Happy

                                       

I'm sick...just leave me alone!

In Tasmania, Cradle Mountain in the cold drizzle was a nightmare and the scene of ground zero for the colds; for 12 out of the 14 days that I was with them they were sick with a cold.  When I would pick them up, one would cough in my mouth, the other would sneeze in my mouth and I'm sure when I put them both down, they would race off to the bathroom to lick my toothbrush, ensuring that if they were miserable, so too would Grandma be.  Their's was not your typical horrifying man cold. Rather,think of 2 rivers of gooey slime in a continuous fountain followed by  simultaneously coughing machines who rarely, if ever, stop crying baby colds.  These are much much worse than the average human cold because they cannot say what's bothering them and you can only guess and it's times TWO but other than that, my God they were precious and unlike most other vacations,  I WOULD do it again in a heartbeat. 

The most wonderful moment everyday was hearing one wake up before the other and rushing in after putting my cape on to save the day and give my daughter a few more minutes of sleep while her hubbie snuck out at Odarkhundred to go to work. Quietly opening the door to see a happy face look at me and light up and arms go up in the air and then wrapping around my neck as tight as a baby boa constrictor dressed up as a tiny little monkey. That's my favorite moment in history, my new happy place.


You would think it would be twice a good with two raising their arms but you'd be wrong. That's a lot of extra weight and body misalignment as you put them both on each hip and pray one doesn't scratch the others in the eye and bite the first one and kick the second one and you don't get caught in the crossfire. 

I arrived and had one day to recover with two little girls who looked at me with distrust at the airport but like all  twins, when a stranger puts her arms out to lift them up, their arms automatically go up to hug whatever stranger danger is offering love or food.

My first real night with the babies had them shrieking from 11 p.m. to 3:59 a.m when they fell asleep for 1 minute until it was time to wake them up to catch the early flight out. As a grandma and a mother every nerve in my body is awake when they are awake and unhappy so it was a rough night.  I hated to hear them so unhappy.

Airports used to be a place of exploration and relaxation until now.  We each took one and mine wanted to run up and down the stairs, step on the table to make a phone call on the public phone, play with the vending machine and cry lots if I deviated from her list of unspoken demands. 

 Traveling with children is a nightmare for many people, grandma and mother included. On the plane over from Canada, it was full of screaming babies but knowing how much I missed my grand babies, the sound of a thousand babies encompassed me like a womb knowing I would soon be reunited. There was a man beside me looking so distraught and feeling like it was the end of the world.  Let's be honest, sometime they're the weaker sex. I tried to walk him through it but you'd never have to do that with another woman. They understand. They have been thru it. They have your back but I do think this guy was looking under his seat for a parachute or a raft boat so he could "jump ship". 

When we flew to Tasmania the four of us, it was for a one-hour descent into hell, with Beelzebub and Damian strapped to our seat belts. And then the shrieking started and the trading back and forth and the food trough came out of the suitcases, handbags and  knapsacks, to cram something down their gullets long enough to keep them chewing, but  not enough to choke them and cause even more screaming and hold off the angry mob on the plane. That in itself would rival the most intense of aerobic workouts on the planet. No point in having a shower before a flight with a baby on your lap. The looks of contempt from the young ones and the male counterparts, frightening... mutiny.  You could always count on a woman to just smile sweetly as they remembered their own horrific travels with babies and are counting their blessings because they're not doing it again. There's a statistic that says 89% of travel with toddlers is with the mother; that means men rarely have the courage to attempt this feat, like childbirth. Okay I made up that statistic but I would weakly stand behind it.

I remember a horror story back in the military days when the families were being transferred overseas and before boarding, they all gave their ankle biters Gravol to put them to sleep.  Unfortunately, the flight was delayed four hours and the kids all slept peacefully in the Canadian terminal only to be wide awake for the long, long flight over- every parent's nightmare.  So, back to me being a grandma.

In the beautiful capital of Hobart, the grandma owning the Airbnb had exactly one bubble making lawn mower and one Etch-a-Sketch. What monster landlady does that to twins.  You can imagine the tortures each of the twins came up with to outsmart the other; unfair play and biting was always an option.


We navigated the neighbourhood with the two person stroller but reached
an impasse between mom and the all-knowing grandma.  If we went all the way down hill to the city center, there would have to be an up and there was no way I was working that hard on vacation.  It would have rivaled the aerobic workout on the plane.  Grandma won and I know, secretly, mom was relieved.  I know she will have it put on her gravestone that she would have loved to have done the down-Everest of hills but her mommy robbed her of that honour.
  

I got my own room at the Randal Cliff Airbnb but grandmas hear everything.  The first peep out of them had me rushing to look after the crying one whom I took to bed and let her sleep on my chest -big mistake, huge mistake of the caliber as seen in Pretty Woman. You can't breathe or move a muscle for hours or you might wake up the Beast until finally can't handle it anymore and you toss them to the side and gasp for air, knowing your day has started. 

Food was a huge issue on this trip and of course the lack of ability to communicate.Their favorite word was "Ada  Ada Ada ADA!!!!!!" which meant they were either hungry, feed me, or FEED ME NOW with a look of murder in their eyes. "Um, um, um" seems to mean the same thing too but for a visual, it was either baby birds begging to be fed or Homer Simpson wanting donuts, more more more. 

As an aside, when I returned back to Canada and we talked on the phone, our first cell video chat was weird.  They just looked at the phone and stared, probably not comprehending who the rested, made up lady was, until I said "Um".  Both kicked into life and responded with Um and we went back and forth for awhile.  It was hysterical because I was speaking their language and probably agreeing to join in their overthrowing the establishment.

I did learn that if you are feeding a baby an apple, well, you're stoopid and you just shouldn't.  These monkeys will thoroughly chew it to mince and just when you are patting yourself on the back for feeding healthy babies, they use their tongues and push it all out EVERYWHERE!.  They are merely chipmunks storing food until they can trash your place, the rental car, the stroller, the living room.  Military forces should hire the services of these two ninja chewing warriors to create chaos from the calm.  They did like the dried fruit sheets from the market a lot, as did grandma.

Tried to read them my personalized grandma reading audio book but they would not sit still.  One of the only things that kept them progressively captivated were two dollar store squeeze dinosaurs where when you squeeze them, little bubbles would pop out.  Initially it was soooo hard on my hand to do this but by the end, I had muscles.  So I would squish it, all the bubbles would come up, they would take turns pushing them back in, then I would turn over the mini dino and moves it's mouth like it was laughing it's head off.  Funny for the kids but choose carefullly how you want to spend all of your days.  This was not one way lol.

Playing together nicely?  When did that happen?

Resting at the playground

So just some random kids shots before I sign off on another weird travel but this time with sick kids who made grandma and mom real sick. At least daughter is now cured of the travel bug until the kids get older or we both develop amnesia, as we always do, next winter.  The few times  babies sat or lay peacefully.                                                                                                                                                                             

Tiptoeing across the sand

So happy to see the wild bird show

Alligator rides- they were brave

                                                      Now I ask you a question. Does it make me a bad grandma to love the kids most when they look like this?

Another Fraud in Ottawa- Learn from my mistakes

Good Lord what have I done? Normally I trust no one.  With so much changing technology, I can hardly keep up and I'm finding I am a victim of potential fraud yet again but did not lose anything.   I reported the errors of my ways immediately but my self esteem is shaken.

The last time was a year ago October with the scammers from overseas.  This time I fell for an online trick as old as the hills but I have damn good reasons for why. I sent in my CRA quarterly money owing. The next day somebody sent me an e-transfer to my cell phone. It's the first time I've received something like that and I thought it was odd but I tried to cash it had some problems and then switched over to my bank app and it deposited no problem.  Last night CRA reassessed my deposit and reimbursed me for an overpayment to the tune of $282 which has happened before but this time, they sent me a refund to my cell as well. 

Now I know I've set it up with them for direct deposit  but it was late and I was distracted and tired. That's how all my disastrous stories start.  With hindsight, I do know better. I tried to deposit it but because it was a new media I had to set it up properly like I did my bank app.  I've done this before but it did seem kind of odd. I put in my debit number as I've had to do many times before setting up my security questions and then it asked me for my credit card number information. 3 times I exited out to see and check if it was a valid email. Finally I forged ahead to see the money was not deposited. Quel suprise! I immediately called my bank and we froze all my accounts and credit cards, bloody hell.

I waited with bated breath for 9 a.m. the next morning to call CRA and have them let me know what I already knew- that they don't use any other reimbursement other than direct deposit. No matter what they told me, it would be bad news.  If it was a real deposit, I'd shut down everything for nothing and caused myself a lot of grief.  If it was fraud, same outcome.  While I did almost everything textbook WRONG, I did not give out my SIN so CRA and the credit rating companies were not compromised so woohoo on me outsmarting the thieves eh?  Don't cheer too loudly, it just wasn't one of their questions. 

I then called Equifax and here's where it starts getting wonky. I just admitted to them that I've erroneously given all this information to the bad guys living in my computer, waiting to kill, crush and destroy me or at least potentially defraud me but with each new company that I call, I have to give them my social insurance number, full name, address, phone number  birthday and so on. It just doesn't seem right. So Equifax put a fraud alert for six years on my account and said they would let me know if someone was trying to open a new account by sending an alert to my phone. 6 years is a long time to have my hand spanked.  Then they tried to sell me more protection which I said I would wait to decide at another date, especially after they got quite aggressive and building on my fears.  They told me to call the commercial Department and gave me the number to make sure my business was not compromised. I called that number and it was just to get my credit rating- made no sense.

I called Trans Union to repeat all the same information with a total stranger and they said every time somebody tries to open up a credit with my information they will get contact me via snail mail and I'll know within 5 days. I think by then I will be screwed and living in a box by the river, won't I? 

Next was the call to the police but to get through to the police non-emergency fraud line is a nightmare. Finally I spoke to the operator and she said because I have not lost any money she could give me the number to notify the police of a new fraud but they were well aware of this one for the last three years so thanks but bye-bye. 

Off to the bank to get a new debit card and wait a week to get a another credit card. I have to notify all of the companies I deal with who get automatic debits monthly off my credit card like CAA, Netflix Etc. And I was wondering what I was going to do with my day today.

People, learn from my mistakes.   Repeat after me- CRA will never contact you or send you money by text.  Don't be tired, greedy, and gullible like I was. Wait till the morning when you're awake and better able to deal with finance and money transactions. Class is dismissed.