Thursday, 13 July 2017

Gardening in Ottawa, Oldtimers Moments, Pool parties and Psychics

Spring in Ottawa is so nice and at Spoiled Rotten BnB, in the garden, even better but now it's in a moping stage...full of weeds that might evolve into pretty weeds, and all kinds of green that no one wants to look at yet we're "enjoying" the wettest summer in history..or what we Ottawaians (yes, I know it's not a word) claim as summer.
 All the millions I have spent up front to attract and feed butterflies has been for naught.  They do not come.  The milkweeds are spreading and taking over but still they do not eat or lay eggs.  At least my organic veggie garden in the back is flourishing, or it was!!!  Until HE came along.

I just discovered the world's biggest and most well fed groundhog coming daily to my smorgasbord of a garden.  When I so much as take a silent picture, it's like he feels like he's being dogged by paparazzi and he high tails it out of there like a bat outta hell.  His feet don't even touch the ground. Oh the stews I am planning.  I have an over abundance of basil but nope, he won't touch that.  Loves my tomatoes, ate my only purple cabbage, and as many of my yellow squash as he could stuff in his fat little self entitled belly.  It's like he has been told he has only two minutes to shop til he drops and he is good.  He has analyzed the garden and knows the money food and the best aisles to shop in.  Oh, I detest this little monster.  Yes, I'm off to buy the epsom salts but where oh where can I buy black market landmines and hand grenades?  Is there something that spontaneously bursts into flames?  Heeeeellllp me.  The Roadrunner Acme company is fictional, it turns out.  I'm at my wits end, becoming obsessed.

After son in law ripped out the interlocking full of weeds patio stones and replaced it with the worlds biggest deck in a postage stamp yard, I realized how fabulous it was.  My yard now looks elegant and huge.  Oh the parties I could have but alas the weeds still appear thru the slats- that is to be my eternal curse.

 I couldn't believe just how many stones made up a patio.  Billions piled everywhere for so long in my back yard.  I asked 5 contractors advice and to do it and nary a one would step up to the challenge. One said he would take all my stones away to the landfill and resell me $4000 more worth of better stones.  Screw testosterone!  I'd do it myself but gawd I'm awful at traditionally "blue" jobs, esp if I don't read and follow directions, which I never do.  I even googled the best way and then promptly forgot everything.

 After a few failed attempts and too much rain, then the crumbling walls, I finally created my raised beds and retaining walls, complete with a walk thru, (sure, if you have tiny bound little Asian feet, which I do), used almost every brick for show, and it looks just shy of gorgeous.   I do think my neighbours will all be following suit shortly and the contracts will be pouring in for me to plan their gardens.

I refused to fertilize until I did all the dirty work and last night, I felt like a farmer, spreading poop, (yes, store bought- what kind of weirdo do you think I am?), everywhere.  Next comes the calcium, bat guano and seaweed.  I love Jurrassic park.  Realized my magical fertilizer stock was low so imagine my shock when my fav specialty gardening store informed me I can't get my Bat poop anymore because of the pesky Ebola.  Whatever- stoopid bats!    I hope you weren't downwind last night or after bat poop day, although I'm sure you've smelled more interesting smells coming from here, from my crazy workshops on alternative medicine for healing, and smudging drumming howling at the moon ceremony to burning toast smells followed by much cursing from my breakfast kitchen.

Just had some more much deserved time off to go to some odd events like a clothing optional pool party and strange camper Poly festival. Sorry no pics of either! I truly believe you should do something everyday that terrifies you and these two events certainly qualified.  The 3 meter walk from the table where I left my towel and my dignity to the pool stairs was the longest mile, and don't forget the friends in attendance dressed in their parkas, watching and judging.  Oh I'm so glad it's over with.

My favourite time off found me lounging at the lake of a friend,  Claire, who insists I decompress, meditate and relax and she pampers me; well she did, for the first day.  After that, I have to drag home trees and cook and pamper her.  It took me two whole days to decompress enough to relax and read.   After 4 years, I finally finished reading my travel blog that my daughter turned into a one-off copy book.  I refused to read it unless I was in relaxation mode and yes, that is rare.  I only read it while on time off, at the lake, on a train, at the beach, in the back yard, and camping.  Truly, it's my favourite book and I wish everyone had their own life book.  I want to start reading it all over again.  

I'm still attending some Meetup events and having some workshops but there is a drawback in my world.  I still have no face recognition which was one of my many downfalls in Travel.  I herd hundreds thru here but remember so few, I'm ashamed to say.  One of the most embarrassing was the lady at my workshop who I smiled and asked if this was her first time here.  The long silence that followed and the head shaking look of disbelief told me I had created another social faux pas.  She told me she had been to my place on 3 other occasions.  Oops.  It wouldn't be so bad if that were an isolated incident but sadly, it's not.  Now it's almost the running joke.  One new friend was raving to a small table full of people about how we met and how I helped her.  I just looked at her and shook my head, saying "I have no idea what you are talking about".  It took an entire conversation of you said this and I said that and remember doing this....Ohhhh, yes, I finally remember. I met her a mere week earlier.  The last was a lady who has painted at my place but was so not amused that I have not remembered the last 3-4 times she has come by for massages and a workshop.  This is my life.

I have actually embraced it.  When I wake up and sit at my computer, I will suddenly remember I have to get the blue envelope upstairs for my budget.  Once upstairs, I realize in the office, I have a ton of clothes to hang up so I start and then I see that I have run out of my special multi-hangers so it's off to the master closet storage where it too is a disaster, thank God for locked doors, so I start picking up the abandoned jewelry there to bring it to the office where I find that book I wanted to put in the basement when I see that I'm missing mints on the pillows so its upstairs for me to the office where I notice some stray laundry which I bring downstairs and remember I'm doing laundry.  Whew, I'm tired so I sit down to relax at my computer and realize I'm in the middle of budgeting and need a blue envelope.  EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE IS LIKE THIS!!! Menopause? Old age? ADD? Probably all of the above but a very trusted source has told me I emphatically do not have Alzheimers and psychics  do NOT lie.
All I know is that something needs to desperately be done in every room of my house but preferably more than one minute at a time.  Well, it's time to beat the hell out of the groundhog...or try my best to catch him.  GTG.

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