Surviving Traveling Thru Pandemic- States of Emergencies All over the World

Feb 29

Have you ever started a vacation deep in your heart thinking it's not going to happen, I cannot see the end result? That's how mine started. I booked with a third party that was obscure and could never really find my flight properly online. That made me nervous. I was never able to book all of my seats....  I could not do a proper check in from home and I also had to leave from Montreal which is a huge anxiety for me. If I don't turn left on a road because there's no light, I really don't want to drive to Montreal. Could take the train, could take the bus but then somehow I've got to get to both of those terminal without spending a lot of money. I've only taken the new LRT-1 so now I would have to take a local bus on a Saturday without Express routes, switch to the train and switch to a bus. Last time I did this for another trip I missed connections my feet froze it was a snowstorm, not great memories. In the end I left my car with my cousin parked in her driveway and she drove me to the bus station. 

I immediately met a woman who  wants to see my business. The lady in front was listening, lives a few streets away from me, is a realtor and wants to do business and before we knew it we were there in the blink of an eye. Unlike last time when I traveled to Montreal years ago  this one went smoothly. Back then, the lineups were a mile long, security a mile long for customs and we barely made the flight as we ran frantically to catch our flight. Today both departments were completely empty, I flew through everything without problems. I asked for a pat-down they asked me to take off my hoodie and didn't even bother  checking me. I knew that form fitting tank top would pay off one day. It will be a very long flight with all the connections but at this moment in time I feel like I will make them all and arrive absolutely exhausted, to be surrounded by two three year olds who will run me ragged and I can't wait.

The airport and planes are an eerie experience. It is rare to see an Asian without a mask and it's rare to see a Caucasian with one but us whities have the opportunity to access good quality ones made of thick black stretchy material, reminiscent of Silence of the Lambs. The is a tall skinny man in a long black cloak,  black sleeping mask and a black mouth mask. He scares the bejeebers out of me in the middle of the night. I now carry garlic, just in case when I pass him on the plane. You know its a scare when all the Asian staff are sporting masks. what a world we live in.

My seat mates have black special masks but they are not sick. That is the media hype of the Corona virus. The masks are only if you are sick to prevent others from catching what you have. None of these people are sick but 20 hours with a mask, not me... or so I thought.

The guy beside me is double stretchy cloth mask like the material of scuba diving suits. Now imagine the utter gall of this couple complaining that there are tons of extra seats on the plane and because I'm travelling alone, they tell the attendant that THEY want me moved so they can be more comfortable. Forget that I love my seat, my one neighbour and have completely unpacked and I chose close to the bathroom intentionally. I hate bullies. Gawd I was furious, spitting bullets, mad enough to drink on this flight when my daughter forbade me. I kept telling the attendant I did not want to relocate but to no avail.

The aircraft is gorgeous....not on the lines of Emirates but suuweet. Virgin Australia has the best airline food and snacks I've ever eaten.

I've had a number of cat naps, so the typical sleep of a middle aged woman. I'm less bitter but still glad for the rule about no nail files on board. Not sure how vindictive I could become when you screw with my aisle seat.

At one point its mandatory shut the blinds no matter whether its light out or not. At 5am I asked the sweet window girl to peek outside and the sun was rising  clouds were spooky, likes millions of popcorn kernels, it was magical but the nearby sleeping millennial vampires cringed and covered their heads with blankets. Pretty funny actually. 

I found the airline stash of chips, granola, fruit, and popcorn. Uh oh...not off to a good start as I squirrel them all away like a winter gathering chipmunk. I'd rather be the hibernating sleeping bears on board.

March 2-Just arrived and not a snow droplet to be found. Just green grass and steamy hot. Not a minute too soon because I think every single person on the flight was snivelling and juicy sounding and very contagious. Get me out of here fast.

I'm already 17000 kilometres away from my home town. I converted a lot of Canadian money and realised that the envelope was not in my purse nor in my knapsack so it's probably in my unlocked checked bag. I sure hope it's still there when I get to destination. If not some lucky baggaget guy is planning a trip to go somewhere . Crossing my my fingers. In the meantime I'm going to eat my body weight hourly while I charge up my debit card like The Flintstones wives.

Mar 4- we're a day later here so I'm thoroughly confused about what day it is.

Australia is really and truly a beautiful place in March at 18+ degrees. The cacophony of birds makes me feel like I'm in Costa Rica again again. The magpies the warbling the chipping and the crying baby sounds are the funniest thing ever. There are so many beautiful plants and trees here that reminds me of Hawaii. 

Ok enough on that rainbows and unicorns bull. Costa Rica was torture. This is the real world we live in. My son-in-law and I took the girls for a long walk- I forgot how much fun that age can be. Not!  Twin 3 year old girls are only happy when they are carried for hour after hour after hour and if you foolishly put them down, they will run in opposite directions towards traffic. I got back and hobbled into the house and curled up into a fetal position praying for death.  A short while later I was fine and apparently I'm a drama queen.  In the time that Christelle has gleefully worked every day (I get it now. I would be picking up extra shifts if I were her) I have given kids their first bath since they moved into the house 6 months ago. They don't know how to sit in the bath so they squat; it's so funny. We have coloured, read lots,  stickered up papers, watched lots of old  Disney, jumped on the trampoline pushed on hours of swings, washed the hands, feet, runny noses and clothes 100, 000 times only to have them run outside in the mud, rinse and repeat. We even took them swimming.

Because they generally go to bed at 7 p.m, the rest of us are in bed no later than 9:30pm ...party animals are we. 

Look closely, she has 2 balls

Yesterday I had the brilliant idea to have us all go for a zen first bowling session. They didn't want to give the two adults bumper bowling so we forged on. You've never seen sadder adult bowling as there was yesterday. Finally agreed  to turn on the bumper for everyone. The kids were rolling balls so slowly that the balls stopped dead in the middle of the lane or the gutter and someone had to retrieve them- all rules were off with people walking on the sacred Lane. The rolling rack was a deathtrap too because these fiercely independent 3 year olds had to lift this 500lb ball over their head to put it on while fighting tooth and nail over whose turn it was. It was mad chaos. In the end  dad played for four people while we chased the other two bored children through the arcade letting them try everything without putting money in. We all left exhausted.

March 5

Up at anytime after 4pm so my imaginary naptime comes early. It's such a good day when

  

you leave your bedroom door open in the morning at o' dark hundred and a little body stands in the doorway kind of confused and tired but then jumps into your bed. That doesn't happen very often. More likely I jump up and down excited at the prospect and scare the hell out of them and they run back to Mummy and Daddy. Brats hate me in the morning.

So we had grand plans for today. The Aquarium, possibly a park, lunch, ride their first tram and go to the Dinosaur Museum. We did the aquarium rode a tram and went to an awesome back alley Asian restaurant and ate kimchi pancakes. we drank some flavoured saki and then we drank some more and some more and some more and I have to admit I got a little giddy and I'm pretty sure my daughter will never let me forget it since it is such a rare occasion . We went out for supper , just my daughter and I and made a short stop at their version of a dollar store but it's much more expensive. Since the twins birthday is coming up shortly I went to this five dollar store and dropped over $100 worth of craft supplies. What was I thinking? Oh ya, too much sake!

Mar 6

3am the babes were a wailing but I ignored them because they never want to come to me in the middle of the night. I get up anyway and one wants to sleep with me. Yippee yippee I'm so excited and then the other one walks in the room and wants to sleep with me too. I truly feel like Grandma now . They hogged the bed, one of them sucker punched me twice , both kicked off their blankets and then rolled on top of them so that I couldn't have access to blankets. I was so cold but realised there was one blanket stuffed between the wall and the bed so I hunkered down in it to keep warm. Got no sleep but still it was awesome. 

Up very early colouring , eating, wasting so much food and watching TV.  Their mum and dad were going out so I decided to invite the outlaws over so they could see the babies before we went on a trip. Might rethink that sequence of events in the future- chaos. We played outside on the trampoline read lots of books, danced, wasted more food and then thankfully the day was over with before I was issued a straight jacket. May be locking my my bedroom door and putting in two sets of ear plugs tonight. Why didn't anyone tell me that 3 year old twin girls could make me feel like I was run over by a mack truck?

And now I'm very afraid because tomorrow morning my daughter and I take the twins on a 7-day road trip. Someone shake some sense into me next time.

By average human standards, road trip day seems like it was a bust. Yes, we did load the van to the ceiling with stuff we absolutely couldnt live without. Vague breakfasts were attempted and ankle biters dressed and redressed as quickly as we congratulated ourselves...it was loosely like a bordello with naked baby bums everywhere and clothes hanging from the lites.

We made good time to windy and chilly Torquay to see the family surfer beach and watch our winter clad girls race like possessed maniacs to see how wet in the shore waves and rolling in sand they could get while moving as fast as the speed of lite. My daughter and I dislike sand but no sand castle was left unstomped by the Terminator and the Hulk. Then off to get ice cream and it was like adding sugar and honey to pigpen from Charlie Brown. Now that they were sticky, we thought of the world famous ice cream shop then fish and chips, yes in that order, would be smart.  

Back at the homestead, they loved the Airbnb but us esp because the back yard was enclosed, like a doggie park AND they found a creative way to get in and out to play.. We did get some good advise about a playground and found parks in Australia are
unbelievable. 

 Trails and trails on bridges to get to it so we all got exercise. 

Well, as per the Australian custom, every time I come for a visit, I catch the babies colds. They are forever coughing in my mouth, sucking on my toothbrush, using my lipsol... even putting my night guard in their mouths. Ninja sleuths finding everything I have hidden. It's becoming a slower pace as a result. Wish you were here, and I was home sleeping. 

Mar 9

Be cause their birthday is coming up shortly, I gave out most of the entertainment and crafts. They thought of new ways to torture every surface they played on. I might have to kiss my cleaning fee goodbye cuz paint, playdough, food, stamps, stickers and dirt have                                         creatively covered everything.

 We went to the Chocolate Factory. Imagine Labour Day Monday packed to the gills with tourists and locals and with free samples also of chocolate. Kids were hanging from the ceiling - was not a pretty sight but if you were to go in the backyard there was a football sized yard fully enclosed and stocked with a  chicken coop, soccer balls and tons of things to occupy them with. Wonder if we can sneak away once they are occupied.

Attempted to stroller to the beach. Ya, NO, not happening. Redirected to the grocery store with that danged talking howling chimp. Some very unhappy shoppers and cashiers there until we left the mad house.

Really loving shower time, books, kisses and lites out at 7. Sadly by then, we are too pooped to appreciate quiet time. And one of the little monsters always joins us in our queen bed at some point. Yes I will need a vacation after my vacation.

Mar 10

We massively cleaned their Airbnb and I think the place looks as good as it did before we arrived. We drove along the coast and saw some  spectacular beaches, winding roads reminiscent of Tofino and cliffs that reminded me of Taos, New Mexico. We went to one place jumped on multiple trampolines and swam in the ocean with the waves and had the beat ever Thai noodle food. The girls loved it and instead of seeing all the other cute little towns along the way I just took a few pictures and we went to the last place. It's a caravan park that I was dreading and it's fabulous. There are koalas in the trees and I saw a kangaroo on the side of the road. Met some nice neighbours with a perfect 6 month old. The young dad was surprised to hear that if you get bitten by a snake you are not to do anything

and do not move move. I laughed and asked if his  wife told him that? She probably also told you to expose your neck and drop into a fetal position circling the snake so it bites you repeatedly then you have to go to the hospital and explain to them why you didn't walk away and you'll be the laughing stock while she is going through your insurance policy.

 Went to buy a bottle of wine and didn't have enough money and she said oh that's ok hun. come back when you do have it tomorrow and sent me home with the bottle. I don't do well on the honour system. Thinking of keeping the two dollars and driving to Mexico, or the Australian equivalent. Never did drink it. The cold has taken over all my senses and kleenex.

I did go to pay the missing balance and she said to keep it. I love this peaceful place.

So the Corona virus does not have affected me or my business but yesterday we did have one cancellation due partially. we ended up renting a nicer place for less money so that worked out good. 

Now there is a really weird side effect of the virus in Australia and that's that people are hoarding toilet paper not even masks. You can't get toilet paper anywhere. if you order it online you can't even find it in their inventory. It's so weird and it's such a frenzy here. The Aussies are so strange lol.

Mar 11

So it was another long night with Renee up perhaps three times, coughing alot. The first time she crawled in bed it was so cute but that gets old fast. Now I'm  run down, sleep deprived with a head cold, cranky on vacation.

We left the kids in their jammies and decided to go for a field and forest hike to the beach far

away.  Saw lots of horses along the way and hoped to see kangaroos but no luck. Did see a another small koala outside our cabin. Fed the horses rotten old apples and Renee was so nervous.

Realised that this campground was super Zen so we stopped worrying about the cars until the twins separated and one disappeared. I was not worried but am I a bad grandma to think that if something bad happened, I was going to be in big trouble? 

I lay down for a nap in the afternoon while daughter looked after the ankle biters and did 1000 crafts with them. The highlight of our day was going to the park to play on the swings and spying some loose baby goats. They were so cute until they started head butting us.

They walked the pet goats/unicorn home

After many photos, the owner came over and put them on leashes and our girls walked them home. That will be the highlite I'm sure. Finally cracked into the bottle of wine play some dice and made jam out of the $24 container of pick your own strawberries. Time to crash.

Oh crap, all flights flying into states will be refused from Europe. No idea if Australia is safer- someone suggested that Trump probably thinks Australia is Europe as well.  Doesn't matter, once they hear me croak like a hoarse frog, coughing, I will be quarantined. Sigh!

And the only "news" I read and re-posted for being so helpful was from Facebook. Daughter debunked every single belief I had. Damn. When did the internet start lying,?

Hated leaving the caravan park paradise. They upgraded us and backed us onto an idyllic farm vista that I could look outside forever.

Last thing we did was sing happy birthday again and apply powdered coloured streaks to everyone's hair. They have blond, very fine hair and it was adorable. Now it's time for Cathy's annual fashion tip. Do not under any circumstances do it to a brunet with fine hair. First of all it doesn't show up and secondly it DESTROYS your hair so you wont be able to comb  it after; like a discount dry hair shampoo made of ajax. Another stoopid idea from FB.

Had a psychotic experience at the  cheese factory. They ran, touched everything they shouldn't, esp in the wine display. We left the cheese factory with no cheese. Grrrr. Every time I chase and yell, I cant talk and swallow and it hurts.

The highlite of the Great Ocean road are the 12 Apostle rock formations. Lots of racing, notice for proper selfies, hot but spectacular.  Ok I dont want to say it out loud but maybe sightseeing is for adults only.

Had to stop at the grocery store for wine, need wine, l must buy it all up so I don't throttle them. Kids were rotten going to bed with so many excuses. I predicted

7:46 pm, and it was a hard well-earned win for all.

Mar 12

So many breakfasts wasted. Make up your minds! Yer grumpy grandma is tired and sick.

8-9am we drove to Thunder Point Lookout and it was more than breathtaking, then nearby to Stingray beach where they constantly ran into the deep water. Gawd they would try the patience of Job, or Mother Theresa for you souls who are going to hell anyway for not knowing the Bible reference.

We checked out only to have the little spawns of Satan scream for hours- we were ragged. Of course just before we arrived they both nodded off. One was so distraught, she missed her daddy so I sent him a plea to video himself talking to the girls. He did one better and read them a story but they didn't get that it was a video, so they cried harder when he ignored their questions.

Arrived- there was a monstrous kangaroo a car length away...we were all so excited. After visiting, we decided to do finger paints on deck and suddenly it's there, on our deck scaring the bejesus out of us. Can they run off with the babies? What if we talk softly and we place them in their pouches?  

We were mesmerized for an hour then realized there were 26 of them short walkway at a sanctuary.

Shopping for food- kill me

Picking up restaurant food for supper- kill me.  All they do is scream and beg for candy- where are big kangaroos with empty pouches when you need them?!

Been away two weeks. At home I'm "regular" 3x a day. Here, never!  I haven't pooped in months...I'm  sure that's how long I've really  been here for. If I ever do get on the plane I will need 3 bloated seats. 

Its bleak, wrapped up with scarves shivering, too listless to get a blanket or walk to my bed, coughing up lungs. How many freakin'  lungs do I have?

Mar 13- went to bed totally drugged up with babies medicines, my medicines, everything but I was still coughing a good part of the night. Best part of the morning is Ground Zero Renee joining me in bed and snuggling. 

I been looking for love in all the wrong places. I found it with two little non Corona spewing coughing crabby laughing babies- they're the loves of my life....and I really can't wait to go home and get better.

Our cabin came with a large Jacuzzi tub and I thought they'd love to swim with grandma but with their swim bottoms on- I'm not completely stoopid, please. What was I thinking? Turns out I'm  completely stoopid. Slippery munchkins,  floaties, fighting and one just stood beside me and started spitting. Wish you were there instead of me.

Went to the kangaroo sanctuary and the girls were so excited to be so close...but of course they took off in a dead run towards these probably territorial beasts. Sheer panic... that should be the new title for our adventures. You can see it in their eyes the exact moment they decide, "screw this, I want to fly" and both telepathically bolt away in opposite directions, usually towards a cliff, road, wildlife or waterfalls. It's when the swears fly out of your mouth as you curse their children's  children for 7 generations. I should have been a voodoo priestess but by now I'm probably an honorary one. One time I was sooooooooooooo angry and as I held the least culpable one, I said, your sister is very very bad! She looked at me with angelic eyes and said, "grandma, I'm  bad too". Arrrgh stop being so damn cute.

Played in the wonderful park until another meltdown...not sure if it was ours or their's but a meltdown was had. If we can just make it thru another short kill-me grocery trip without a murder happening. I know these passages are getting darker. Two sick mommies should never go out with two ninja babies who are full of piss and vinegar. 

Final outing was to find the natural Venus Bath Hot springs. A couple of very rough chasing marathons till we found the trail, gorgeous only to learn all the pools were frigid. Sigh! What am I doing looking for hot springs in Australia? On the bright side, I think I've convinced daughter to buy leashes for the girls.

 We promised  ourselves we wouldn't go out again, just supper in but we are weak and off to see the roos again.

Bedtime goes like this... once they are in bed at 7pm, on the dot, we attempt to eat uninterrupted. No more showers for the ankle biters - too tired. Only 2 books each, hugs and our tears when it all works. We get a glass off sleeping wine, both pull out our phones, do the droopy head bob for 1-2 hours and in bed by 9 at the latest. Cough all nite, and repeat with the early cuddle.

Mar 14

430 they awoke and one came in darkness with arms uplifted, like my heart. As we walked

to my room, she asked for her echidna, and I realized with horror, I did not have the cuddler. I had Mickie the stump- when she sleeps, she does not move, or hug. Boody hell, I want my money back. Now don't be looking at me that way. I didn't send her off in the woods to be kicked by angry kangaroos. I hugged her and pretended I was married again lmao. I'm just kidding. We slept well but the sight of our house when we woke up was painful. With zombie moms, the kids get away with murder and emptied every container of toys and puzzles they could find and then started on scattering the dry cereal... Checking out was going to be brutal and very time consuming but somehow, we pulled it off and left. Screw any stops. Enough is enough. Her house was mini Nirvana, fresh and clean and every room smelling of fresh paint. After massages for the weary master of the house, and a wonderfully long massage session for the girls, the rest of the day was so uneventfully pleasant I won't even bore you with it. 

Mar 16

Back to the real world... flight day, I hope. I did notice our sabbatical deprived us from our current events -state of emergency where I was flying out of and notices to all foreigners to get out, get the hell out now you unwelcome locusts. Messages from concerned family and friends. State of emergency where I'm flying to and me with three seats on a plane choking back coughing. The morning after the red eye I went to the bathroom and the coughing started. Usually it's a half hour to hour clearing affair but it finally ended. I slunk out knowing all the staff were there listening to "ground zero" come out. I looked down, took my drink and had the kindest steward ask if I was ok. It's getting harder to reassure people 'it's just a cold'. Landing in the states shortly. If I make my short connection, I think Dorothy  is finally coming home. 

It's much worse than it looks

Well, LAX went smoothly and I caught my flight but there were endless lines and securities and health checks.  On the plane, after someone notified them, a sweet airline staffer asked if I would wear a mask because I had "a bit of a cough".  Was she kidding me?  A bit?  I took it gratefully and realized for the next 4 1/2 hours I'd be re-breathing my breath and coughing. When I stood to let someone walk, I accidentally touched the stop of the screen of the lady behind me.  She actually shrieked, "What are you doing.  Don't touch. OMG!" then she wiped down her entire unit again.  When you wear a mask, you are the enemy and it's mob warfare out there.  The couple beside me put their hoods up and refused to look my way.  Another lady, before the mask, refused to let me get the seat change I was promised. In the airport people were loudly saying into their phones that EVERYONE is sick in the airport as they looked pointedly at me and they were so angry.  When the country you are in and the one you are going back to say get out now, you do. My last prideful moment was in border security answering all the questions.  I did admit to having a cough, high fever and pain (one question) so when the young dude repeated that, I said, actually, just a cough and explained. He asked if I wanted to speak to the Public Health officer and I saw where he motioned, a room full of sick people with masks, and all looking like they had been detained for a long time, I said, Absolutely not.  It's a cold, and he stared for a long time then sighed and said, welcome to Canada.  Tried to arrange my return bus ride home and the dude was angry, abrasive, and in my face, no matter how softly I spoke .  It was only when I said I had a refundable ticket that he changed completely.  The whole world has gone mad! 

I did not realize just how lucky I had been to actually get in before the borders closed.  At

Pic of a rose I took

home the next day, my doctor said to stay home, suck it up and wait it out and you know what?  The trip was totally worth it all cause now the Australian Prime Minister has banned all non essential flights out of the country and the borders are closed indefinitely.  The end.  Thanks for following  my chronicles.  Feel free to sign up for my much shorter blogs.

Someone stole my baby-Lost Connection to the World

I'm not being overly dramatic but I lost my cell phone and it was the most traumatic day of my life on this planet...way worse than wars, plagues and disasters.  I went to a full day of different Meetup Spiritual events and church but at the last one I forgot my cell in the car.  Darn.  When I returned to pick up my neglected baby, she was not there.  OMG.  The sick feeling in the pit of your stomach.  Someone has stolen my baby.  I was pretty sure I tried to unsuccessfully stuff it in my already full pockets and it fell out, in the sleet, rain, snow mounds and ponds on the road, sloppiest day of the year.  I knew it was a lost cause and I had to go home.  
I've never had phone damaged or lost before. When I am around a toilet, the phone is removed from pockets and a wide perimeter is taken to avoid an accident but this was totally different.  I only have one number, my daughter and she was probably in bed.  My landline called the cell on the off chance it was int he car then I remembered I it was on silent for the day.  No humming.  I know there is a sticker on the phone with my email and my new land line so I placed all my hopes and prayers on that.
  
Suddenly I remembered Find My Phone.  I located it near the area I suspected I lost it but do you lock the phone first or retrieve the  messages?  I'm going with the assumption that whoever found it was either the devil and was keeping it, going thru all my porn, or an angel who saved it at their house but making me wait.  Suddenly, my landline rang and she asked, is this your phone?  Yahoo.  Woot Woot.  Saved.  Then I got attitude.  She was wondering why I never bothered to call.  Because I don't have a phone and I didn't know it was missing until I was all alone.  I asked if she was at a particular intersection that Find My Phone said and that really creeped her out.  She refused to give her first name but would put it in her mailbox.  I was supposed to text here when I arrived.  How????? We forget how powerless we are without our electronic appendages. 

When I got my baby, she was cold, and I know miserable.  I brought her home, worked her to death retrieving a full day's worth of messages, then gently put her to sleep in a bag full of those anti-moisture packets you find in your pills, electronics, pretty much everything.  If 5 years worth of these didn't knock the moisture outta her, nothing would work.  Perhaps it wasn't even water damaged but I wasn't taking any chances.  I still can't believe all those people at the steamy outdoor spas walking around in the pool with their unprotected cell phones, taking pictures.  Some had underwater protectors but I trust nothing with my link to the world. 

My life support is my cell.  Without it I just wanted to crawl in bed, fold my arms across my chest and expire but first I wanted to dictate a blog- the phone was gone... Check a phone number to call where I bought the phone and what I should do-gone;  answer a text, no access;  listen to my new B&B booking request-not possible.   Arggggh!!!!

And now I am one of them.  A mere 10 years ago, I was the last dinosaur on the planet to not have a cell.  I frowned in judgment at the entire bus with their heads down answering their messages, watching TV, and googlin".  Now it's the last thing I do at night before I turn everything off, (but not with guests staying- learned that one the hard way) and the first thing I turn on in the morning.....correction, oops,  the first device I read in the morning.  I hang my head in shame and pray it will not be too late to change my ways when I retire and can't blame this addiction on "just have to check for work" syndrome/lies.  I have no other addictions.  I don't drink, smoke, take drugs, never had coffee, obviously don't get any, don't enjoy caffeine, do high risk sports, (gawd I am boring) but this one is serious.    

I wonder if one day they will have centers for addictions to cell phones but until then, shhhh, I'm trying to read my Facebook messages... and down the black hole I go again.   

Need a room for Winterlude or Travel Advice in Ottawa?

 As a B&B owner in Ottawa, I see myself also as a pseudo travel agent educating the masses about traveling solo or on a shoestring as I did years ago. This is ironic because I was a dreadful travel agent when I did it for a living but it doesn't stop me from teaching and hosting workshops on travel...mostly on what not to do.  

This FB post right mapped cities west of Toronto  named after cities in Europe like Lisbon...   reminded me I could have just as easily, have accidentally sent my travel guests to the wrong city in Ontario  but now it's not my problem.  The statute of limitations has run out for blaming me.  And yet, with that said, my family still wants me to make all their flight and travel bookings.  I love them dearly but they are so dumb and trusting.
  
At Spoiled Rotten B&B, my guests learn about: 

• Solo travel, 
• Couchsurfing, 
• WWOOFing, 
• Working vacations, 
• House sitting, 
• Work exchanges, and
• Airbnb (specifically Instant book and Superhosts), 

And most importantly, they learn about having a wall map of pride and pictures to showcase the best of their memories.

When people come to town, I give them a list of my favourite things to see and do; some are well known, like the Parliament buildings and others are Virtual Reality art experiences and other obscure activities.  

 Le Nordik is always top of the list for must see things in Chelsea, not far from downtown Ottawa. I also really like the Innukshuks off Parkdale.  





When traveling to Orleans, the most logical link to check would be Ottawa Tourism:
 https://www.ottawatourism.ca/ottawa-insider/things-to-do-in-ottawa-this-weekend/

Another one of my favourite emails to receive is Ottawa Road Trips by Laura, who has contests, usually 25 of the best featured road trips from Ottawa, the best biking trails, ski routes and all things interesting.  You should get on her mailing list:  laura@ottawaroadtrips.com but don't you dare enter the contests.  They have my winners name all over them.  

The world becomes smaller when you travel and your outlook opens up.  I was heading to BC, another travel day and I called up my Uber friend to see if he would be able to take me to the airport. His wife wrote me back that he would absolutely take me and there was no charge as usual.  Imagine my horror when I found out that he doesn't even drive for Uber anymore and he had contractors at his home. Good grief, I would never have bothered them.  I hate asking anyone for anything.

On the way to the airport, we talked about old times when they gave to Canada and they stayed at my bed and breakfast.While reminiscing he told me that they had just received their Canadian citizenship and they were all so happy. When they first arrived to Canada they had stayed at the small local hotel and we're very unhappy with the cold atmosphere. They located me at Spoil Rotten Bed and Breakfast and as we arranged apartments and the logistics with me acting as a translator they realized for the first time ever, they felt proud and happy to be in Canada. You just never know the impact you have with people while running a bed and breakfast

At another airport, I sat across from a man using his laptop which had a logo for an acupressure mat.  I interrupted him to ask if it was the one that looked like mine with many cleats and plastic points as I pulled a travel sample out of my knapsack.  He smiled and said his was the real deal, metal and sharp as real nails.  I knew then and there that I had to have one, no matter what the cost. Unlike the plastic cleat mat, which is easy to stand on, the metal one is screamingly brutal.   

Sitting on the plane to BC, I was speaking to the passenger beside me and I offered him use of my acupressure finger massager which I love to share. When we talked about acupressure mats he said he had the real bed of nails from the Ukraine. I told him  my massage therapist was from the Ukraine. Turns out we both go to him and both  love and hate him. We spent the rest of the flight talking about our dude checking out all my pictures of his work on my cell when I observed two of his massages. You never know who you will meet who knows someone you know.

Just came back from Iceland in winter, and that was full of gale force winds, closed roads and snow storms.  Now, a mere 8 weeks later, I'm off to Australia to the land of bush fires, hail, rain, and dust storms.  I need to fire my travel agent.

I WILL be here for the opening of Winterlude starting Jan 31st so pack up your skates, your long underwear, and  traditional Canadian headgear, (your toque), make like Bob Barker and Come On Down.  I'll be waiting for your call or email 'cause Ottawa is booking up fast and you are going to want somewhere special to stay.  

Land of Fire and Ice- Iceland, January 2020

Photo from  the Planetarium

Travel to Orleans can have it's challenges but trying to go from Ottawa can be just as taxing, especially before the Winterlude rush.  Have you ever planned a flight and gotten a pretty good deal but found it was 29 hours with connections then found out it was only a 5 1/2 hour flight?  We decided to pay more to go direct from Toronto to Iceland in the dead of winter and recoup some money  by driving there.  The drive took place in the torrential rain with temperatures of 12 degrees. Now who on earth leaves their hometown when it's 12 degrees to go to a country called Iceland IN WINTER? But wait, in school they taught us Iceland was really green so we were safe, right?  They wouldn't lie to us? Right??

Well, the red eye had us arriving early to a blizzard, and starving on a Sunday so sadly, of course, everything was closed. What to do, what to do?  For this travel, I came with a very detailed plan of what to see and do but the universe had other plans for us.  The first stop was supposed to be the Blue Lagoon which opened upon our arrival but the severe cold scared us off.  Gale force winds deterred us from soaking for the day in hot springs so instead we went to the Perlan Planetarium. We were their first guests and unfortunately  I slept thru the show due to jet lag.  It doesn't help that day light only really starts at 11am. We have to be out of the house at 10 a.m. every day so that we can maximize our 5 hours of touring the island and start heading home by 4pm before dark when we would turn into pumpkins.

12-14 Jan-Stay Apts Reyjkavik:  So far I was very unimpressed by Reyjkavik (aka Ottawa's weather-clone sister), until we went to the outside deck of the planetarium in the blizzard. Omg gorgeous but frostbitey weather. The famous downtown church was closed for Sunday mass but it was immense and just ok.  

I've never actually seen a church that size with the most minimalistic decor ever- no stain glass, marble, anything.  

Typical Icelandic lunch, so proud of myself for trying new foods and it's like my fav recipe Coquille St Jacques. Tried to walk the streets in the city centre but with the gale force wind, it was really cold  and I had this dry hacking cough that reacted whenever I went outside.  I mean, what the hell was I thinking? We went to the Airbnb hotel and they must have had a very good photographer because the place was the size of a matchbox which was unfortunate because we were going to be there for 2 days.  Great location walking to the restaurants and the sites and the beds  must have been comfortable because I woke up at 10:10am the next day in shock, never having slept that late.

13th- it's amazing how you can make  an oatmeal feast with all the leftover airplane snacks then off to the gorgeous Blue Lagoon Spa.  It's everything you've ever heard and more. Unlike the Nordic Spa with individual pools this has one big massive Olympic sized irregular shaped pool with white silica healing water, a drink bar and lots of hidden coves. Found my travel companion gleefully ogling a photographer taking pictures of an Icelandic buxom beauty in a very sexy bathing suit posing. Could hardly drag him away from there, the animal! There is a face mask station by the water to do a variety of treatments including a collagen anti-aging mask. I wanted to cover my whole body in that. It's funny to see everyone relaxing and leisurely floating with white masks on their face then simply slipping below the water to wash it off. 

Was fascinated by the fact that it did not open until 1992  and only after a couple of young guys horsing around in the outdoor pond by their work were shocked to find it cleared up the psoriasis of one of them. It works so well that the doctors nearby will give you a prescription to go there daily if you have a skin condition; I must move there. The three men must be millionaires so if anyone has any of their phone numbers please let me know... to discuss business opportunities, of course. The airport has a full shop selling the Blue Lagoon products. The prices were redonculous and the only reason I needed them so much was their pool tortured and stripped my hair for the entire week.  Can't comb or brush this rat's nest.  I'm hoping to have a normal, unsulphered, non rotten egg bath in Canada and it should be aces again without spending $125 for conditioner.

These are some of the road warnings
 you will see at the airport. 
Very welcoming.

14-15 - Spirit Farms Selfoss

Well we were looking forward to going on as far as the south of the island in Vik but that was not to be. Going thru the mountain pass was ugly with whiteout conditions, quite nerve wracking. they provide a very comprehensive list of roads and that was on the list which has been impassable so we had to re-book our Airbnb and chose a place that I had originally wanted to go to but we didn't, called spirit farms, another spiritual Airbnb. couldn't wait to talk to these people.  So it is in the middle of nowhere and run by two brothers who are hippies. While I love hippies, often their places are  substandard but their's was awesome. They have incorporated the best of all accommodations users; Airbnb, Woofers and more volunteers so the place is clean and he offers sweat lodges and all kinds of side events like I do, only HE is crazy busy. I'm NOT bitter. :)

We booked the room, took off to sight see and by the time we got back I never saw them again.

Pity. I would have loved to have talked to him about his sweat Lodge and workshops. His place was like an artistic hostel but thankfully not like the one in Bangkok overrun by feral cats that my daughter forced me to stay at. He gave us some great tourism ideas too. Daylight was slipping away so we went nearby to see only the Kerid Crater and it was cold,  snow covered and gorgeous but like most other sites in Iceland in winter, it's black and white. I can't even imagine what most of these sites must be like in the summer and I can't wait to come back with my family , Aurora Borealis in absentia be damned. 

Actually every day was a mad hunt for the Northern Lights. You see it in winter when the skies are full of stars. If there's clouds you don't see anything and there were clouds and snow all week. Occasionally we would have a perfect night and spend the whole night with her eyes glued. Sometimes the lights only come for a few minutes but alas not for us. One lady told us she lived there for 10 years and it took her three years to even see the lights so I feel better. Having the apps just makes you more paranoid that you're missing something because they notify you within seconds of Aurora's arrival, only to disappoint.  How can you tell I'm bitter?

15-16 a Cozy Little Cabin - We woke up to a beautiful red sunrise. I was up at 5am and the rest of the house at 10. Got an Aurora notification saying she was visible at 5:29 am. Nope, never saw it. Our first stop was to see the oldest Eco settlement  in the world called Solhenir but alas it's winter and they don't open until spring but I'm still saying I've been there . 

Next we went to Hruni, the highlight of my trip at the Natural hot springs. It really is in the middle of nowhere, is free, which coincidentally is my favourite price  and as we got out of our car I wondered about the sanity of the two of us. We might have turned around and walked away  had we not run into to a lone female telling us yes the air temperature is cold but the hot springs are fantastic and her second time going. It was blustery, more gale force winds and we were frozen .  

You hike up the small trail to the grass covered shack for trolls and fairies, doff your clothes as fast as humanly possible , don a bathing suit and jump into a two-person deep coffin, which warms you to your soul. Sure, there were nearby ponds but only the truly brave and adventurous like myself would climb over the snow and into the ponds to find that they're just too shallow to be wasting valuable body temperatures in.  The Taj Mahal was the bubbling water box. I can't wait to bring my family back to one of my new happy places. 

Although our trip was very detailed oriented, we ended up having to be very flexible with our plans, often driving thru the same area over and over and over again. Next time it will be be the circle route hitting every sight exactly once.

The end of a perfect day was to use our what we thought was rye bread with the havarti cheese and the spread that I brought to make grilled cheese sandwiches.  Oh my god it was the worst meal in history. It turns out the rye bread was actually molasses dessert bread and the spread was cream cheese which does not fry. It was a bloody sweet mess that fell apart on you plate. I looked with envy at the meal the three young kids had made; rice in a bowl and borscht soup which I would have killed for it. Ironically I found out later that they hated their meal too because it was so bland so I guess we're never happy. 

This volcano covers everything in ashes

Did not see this thankfully but there are 200 earthquakes/day!

We had to keep constant watch on the roads so when they were clear we decided to drive down towards Vic to see see the Volcano Lava Interactive Museum. It was very cool and then we went back the exact same way we came twice before to see first the

Gulfoss falls, a mini version of Niagara Falls

  

The Geyser as it blew

Selfoss Geyser and then the Gullfoss Waterfall and both were free. I'm shocked at how many big attractions don't charge in Iceland. Then off to a cozy cabin in the middle of nowhere where we could count on seeing the Northern Lights finally. I had much guilt for contacting the host Hulda to tell them it was chilly in there . At 10:45 pm she left her FIVE children with her husband and drove15-minutes to give us extra blankets and a heater. We are couple of suck babies, ok, me especially. Cooked a hobo supper which was the best we've ever eaten. Chefs from the world over would be stopping in our cabin to taste test and sign us up to work for their 5-star Michelin restaurants. Play some cards and dice game  and then we opened the blinds behind the bed and stared out for the entire night certain we would see Aurora finally. Nope, not this clear night either. I'm getting very bitter about Aurora  evading us . I'm starting to wonder if this is an old folk legend and she doesn't even exist... and to carry it one step further, the tales we learned in school that Iceland is really quite green and warm, all lies. I'm sure it was just a bunch of drunken bums sitting around going well we got suckered into coming here so maybe we should perpetrate the myth and tell all our friends to come join us. It's just a thought.

16-18 Warm Cozy Cottage in the Golden Circle Hallador

Fault lines

 We had planned on going to The Not So secret Lagoon in this area only to find out it was back where we had circled around a hundred times and I said no, not going to happen. Instead we went to Thingvellir Park and toured around the oldest Parliament around and saw the waterfalls and walked through the fault lines where North America and Europe separated. It was shocking to see the vista of glaciers and snow covered mountains so white that you could not even see indentations in the natural scenery other than white on white. I'm glad Iceland has many pullovers to take so many pictures and oh there are so many pictures we took.

Exhausted, on our final night, and with Icelandic kronors burning a hole in my pockets, we went back to Reykjavik to have a typical meal. We ordered soup shared an appetizer had the main course into desserts and the bill came to $212!!!! I guess we're not going to do this every day.  Everything on the island is expensive . A loaf of bread $10, bag of chips $10, eggs $8,  one slice of Cheesecake $23 . This is not a place you stay long-term.

Well we spent the last night standing outside "pushing clouds away",  just shy of doing a Aurora rainbow Northern Lights dance and finally gave up. How annoying to see on two apps that the town on one side and the other side of where we were staying both saw the lights.

The couple's place we stayed at was fascinating. I wish I could have spent more time with them. We stayed in the guest house which was medieval looking somewhat and they had traditional beds, singles, set separately against the wall, headboard to headboard.  Not much nooky going on in this arrangement.  I guess it all worked out because by the time you finish a week travelling with a friend you're more than happy to have your own space and peace and quiet at night from each other.  Translation, neither of us successfully smothered the other while they slept and snored and that's truly a miracle.  

Got an early start on our departure day in Iceland. Off to tour the capital for him and to a city pool  including a rooftop hot spring pool for me. They believe the hot springs are so good for you that people start or finish their day with a $10 soak at the local pools and there are so many of them. Keep in mind that they're very comfortable with their bodies so the showers are single sex, open concept. Oh goodie, you know how much of love public nudity.

At the airport by 2 and by the time I got back to Toronto's snow storm, we drove 4 hours on the treacherous roads, stayed in a last minute hotel, came back to an Ottawa snow storm, shoveled out a driveway to get my car and home, it was not until 24 hours later. Home sweet home.  Decorations still up and I'm so tired, I'm thinking I will be that crazy Christmas B&B lady with the year round decorations.

Some take aways from this trip -   

Make tiny bread balls and sprinkle them with coarse salt.

Roundup some empty lobster tails to make fish soup like every restaurant over there made

Get a waffle maker

Get all my contracts written in blood

The puffins will have to wait until I return in the summer

Aurora will have to wait till I return too. 

Never travel in winter to Iceland!!!

Mom and Daughter Events at the B&B

Decorated, hosted a Christmas concert with all my closest friends then closed the B&B over Christmas for the first time so I could make plans with the youngest daughter, to go to our most favourite place on earth, Le Nordik spa in Chelsea. 

While soaking in one of the many tubs, a young man asked my daughter and I what we got for Christmas. I wanted to answer "a cold" but we said "nothing". He stared at us awhile, couldn't understand our responses. He repeated the question and we said we didn't exchange gifts this year so he told me he got an apple. (Naive me I thought he meant a real edible apple, doh!) 

I guess my answer was not the exactly the truth.  Weeks before, she told me since we would be alone together, and to do everything she never wanted to do in the past.   We would bake and make ornaments, a gingerbread house, ugly sweaters, view light shows, have a fondu, listen to Christmas music, watch Christmas specials and on and on.  Four days of Christmas activities which gave me hope!  

Well, we both had hours of resting on the couch  commiserating over our miserable colds and on Christmas day, I simply made a grill cheese.  Neither of us could taste it and every other idea got shelved.  I sent her home to bed and Christmas passed as it has for many years, recovering from a cold, bloody hell, but I still had hope and in storage is a special box of things I hope to do next year.

Also, I gained so much more from this Christmas past, which feels like a lifetime ago, than I have from other years with excessive gifts. " One of my deepest regrets when she was a young toddler was not spending more time with her. A little voice would come to the kitchen and say "mommy come and watch TV with me" and all I could think is "oh my God I have so much work to do busy, busy, busy."  Ya, I know.  Some things never change. [To this day all my friends think I have a full house 24/7 and am running full-time.  Nope.]  Oh, the regrets I have.  Over the years I wondered what the impact of that would be as I crushed her spirit. Well this Christmas while she was watching a movie, surrounded by Christmas chaos, I heard again, "Mom come and watch TV with me" and I was thrilled.  I dropped everything to enjoy her company ......and finally forgave myself for the past. Best Christmas gift ever. Time with daughter...Priceless!

Recently she learned she got the top salesperson for all of Canada at  Movati.  Maybe she got those ambitions from me but then I question myself. It's taken me 5 years to attain # 9/55 of the top bed and breakfasts in Ottawa and I'm not even located downtown.  There are 46x 5-star ratings on Trip Advisor.   I have 119x 5-star reviews on Airbnb and 40x Google Reviews 5star.  Hmmmm, Maybe she did get her competitive nature from me after all!  

And with that, I will keep one of my first New Year's promises, to shorten my posts and try to keep better on topic.  

Feel free to subscribe at the bottom. Happy New Year. Love all 7 of you readers, lol.

Business, Vacation Travel and What I Love

Back to the off season, winter, you know, November and December is a time for rest and rejuvenation and TRAVEL again at the B&B!!!

For me, travel was the ticket this year.  I went down South for a cruise with a friend in January and then again for another Alaskan Cruise with my siblings in February. Went to hike around Vancouver Island and see my sister too; how could anyone not want to live there full time? It's magical.  

Tried to plan for my annual Australia trip to see the grand babies, (who for the first time called me grandma on the phone after being promised chocolate), but this trip has been delayed till 2020. BTW, being called Grandma is a high point since most of the time they don't have a clue who I am and I know in my heart that they have only just parroted their mom but I'll take what I can get. 

 I've had time to try some new business ventures; lots of Paint & Sip Nites, some were even Live Nude painting, shocking!  Musical Energy Sound Healing events were numerous. People have come in to talk Spirituality,  Indigenous arts, Meditation & Journaling.  

I've hosted lots of sexuality and travel seminars- those both are fun. 

I've even hosted a few Dating discussion nights, for all the good that has done me. I should work for Ghost Busters for the amount of ghosting I've seen these days.  I know it is not only me.  There was a brief fast and furious romance with a charming gentleman who was to whisk me away for a wellness catamaran cruise around the Greek islands.  Didn't happen and is not going to but wouldn't that be the coolest trip?  Someday...  or maybe I was supposed to  rent a villa in Tuscany instead, with my sister and Iceland with him.  I really like the off season.   

And then there was this evening of reckless driving through puddles of unknown origin by Prince Charming, in my car while I passengered since I don't like to drive. While flying through one of these said ponds, there was the mother lode of all potholes in Ottawa; it was like a sinkhole swallowing up my baby. So the car in that particular pothole cost me close to a grand. I guess the lesson here is I drive my own car at my old lady speed as another designated driver and like a turtle, slow and steady 'cause its MY insurance on the block. So many lessons to learn.

Volunteered at Humanics Sanctuary in Cumberland in their opening year and now me and my peeps are all on the planning committee. How the heck did that happen; he's such a sneaky little visionary. Why l even found time to put on at least 3 performances there to teach about healing energy and making lots of noise.  The kids seem to like it. 

Planned two spiritual spa days; one for  Empowerment in the summer with my favourite intuitive Nicole Moronval from Montreal and she came back in Nov for a Spiritual Masterclass using my place instead of renting the church for space.  I love hosting workshops here.  I also had one workshop in French which is normally kind of a drag for me because if I don't understand most of what's being said so it just ends up being a job. Fortunately for me, this one provided follow-along reading and I understood almost everything.  I do these workshops so that I can jump in with both feet but there such a need for this in French that I find it hard to resist doing it. I like to see the looks on their faces as they leave all aglow.

Its important for me to do stuff for myself too so I don't feel ripped off at the end of summer.  Can't forget the Kaleidoscope festival- a most unusual event for sure, Rod Stewart, my first Pride Parade, grew medicinal herbs, and my favourite, spending quality time with the youngest prodigal child who came to watch me perform at Humanics - that was truly a highlight of my year, spending quality time with the beast, and sharing my interests.  We camped, hiked, went to Lilydale retreat in New York state, rented a Mongolian yurt and basically put some fun and balance back in my life.  

Business Travel in Ottawa was amazing, just not so much in the off season because people want longer stays.   Earlier this year, one of my business contacts  filled my house for 3 weeks with a man from India. Have you ever read from me before that I love living alone? I still do. Today another family is coming by to request a full month. I keep swearing I wont ever do it again but I alway do at some point, and end up regretting it from the daily car shuffle in the driveway to the sharing of the TV; madness I tell you!  So many requests for newly separated families desperate for a place to stay.  

It's been an interesting year and through all of the Bed and Breakfast angsts and growing pains,  I have discovered some things that truly make me happy.   It's simple really and it IS a conundrum.  I like to live alone AND I love to have a full B&B and host and pamper guests, maybe because I know they are going home and I can wow them for a short time. After they leave, I can have that sigh of relief as they drive away, I loosen my belt, maybe belch a little, let's be brutally honest, release gases that proper hosts refuse to release with paying customers around, then eat leftovers and let the house go to hell.  There is nothing so wonderful as turning the tube to Netflix and vegging out in my mismatched jammies, knowing I have a day or two off.  That is the true meaning of Home Sweet Home. I love living alone; it makes me so happy.  Wait, what's that, another business guest wanting a room?  Of course we are open. Must practice the word NO.

I've had lots of time to unsuccessful slog through my ever obsession- the mounds and tons of paperwork and finances. I, just tonight, had the biggest Aha moment of my life as it relates to organizing.  A paper junkie like myself feels like there is no light at the end of the tunnel;  the boxes of paperwork are daunting.  I would cover my dining room table, a focal point for the house, with all my work and the call would come in with a guest arriving shortly. I'd pile and re-pile my projects in boxes, or should I say burial ground, never to be seen again and then I lose all the momentum.  Did it again recently after someone rented my house and after they all left, I looked at the empty dining room table which is almost never clear and I began to think... A clean dining room table makes me so happy.  With company, I can't work on paperwork so it really takes the pressure off and that is so calming.  

When I was able to work again, I simply took out one item of work to finish that was outstanding and I actually finished it!!!!  Eureka.  Then I took another thing out to work on and realized how productive I actually am if I tackle one job at a time and not 3000 mindless multi-tasking details at once, completely overwhelmed by the sheer volume of what needs to get done. I'm more productive when I don't multitask.  One good thing about procrastinating on getting back to the burial ground is, what I once thought was important back then has expired, and is now ready to be filed or sent to bin 13.

My friend Albert filled my head with years worth of great marketing ideas that I have never found the time to do.  It's so daunting and stressing to have them all piling high.  Here's the kicker, and I know I've said this often.  I am stressed because I don't have enough time to market my place because the house is full of guests and I'm too busy.  Hmmmm.  Do you see the "problem" here?  Ironic eh?  There is no problem, just guilt because I feel like I'm not doing enough. I love having the blessing of having a full B&B and the luxury to choose to not having guests as well. I have to turned away many guests who just call minutes before they need me and my place is full so I must be doing something right. Can I tell you a secret?  Sometimes I am "full" when all I desperately  need is a night off.  More Catholic guilt for me. 

I get contacted daily by marketers wanting to improve my website. They told me it's good but I'm very low on the SEO. That panics me until I realize my house is as full as I wanted to be. I currently had a Romance package and they said from Montreal they typed in Romance and mine was the first one that came up. Other people tell me they type in bed and breakfast and again the same results. Lying rat-bastard marketers feeding off of my fears and vulnerability! I love that my website developer Natalie knows her stuff.

I need to fill up the car. A full tank of gas is one of my greatest joys and security. There is nothing so satisfying as a full tank of gas at an all time low rate, and finding the prices have jumped since I filled up the night before. Sometimes the gas is priced so low and I have a full tank, I just want to empty mine to get the better rate.  I truly love a full tank of gas; sometimes I don't want to take a drive downtown to see the tank go down bar by bar.  It's like giving me a free pass to travel and not worry.

I love taking a trip and returning to post the bragging rights photos on the wall of fame.
I love watching the look of wonder as someone paints their first masterpiece and have never picked up a paint brush before.  I love the look on the family of guests who have put on the Virtual Reality glasses and the shit eating grin of happiness and surprise that this technology exists.  So many walk away wanting the price and how to purchase one.

It tickles me when I show off the Bed of Nails and the Accupressure mats both, and make someone lie on it bare back and with true needles biting into their flesh and their look of pride they did it.  Most love it but some grouse and complain loudly and angrily and get up only to ask, where can they buy one.  Lots of B&B owners sell mugs and various sundry products but I sell only the Accupressure mats and Anti-Arthritis finger massagers.  I sell a great many- good for circulation, sleep and keeping healthy. End of infomercial and I must remember to keep off Amazon.  They are killing me with cool wellness tools.

My favorite thing when a guest leaves the romance room just to find that they never used the jacuzzi tub. That just means I can turn the water on and hop right in my tub that I have been missing 4 days. I have no idea how people start the day without a bath but I will find a silver lining if I have to paint it there. Love my two person soaker jacuzzi. 

I love when my guests are chillin’ reading from my eclectic library of Spiritual and Sexual interests. my absolute favoritest book on the planet "The Guide to Getting It On" is the olden day’s version of Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask and let me tell you, my readers are riveted, as they should be. Total silence for the last hour. I bought this book from a spiritual store and I wasn't shopping, just killing time but I had to have it. It's about 800 pages of brilliance but it was too heavy to carry on the bus so I broke it up into pieces and the pictures are too dirty so you have to read it very carefully in public unless you want judgment or funny looks. A librarian friend of mine was mortified that I had torn up a book into chapters so she borrowed it, read it and then rebound it in three separate groups which I’m eternally grateful for. Now I show it to most of my guests and lots have it ordered from Amazon before they even check out. One friend read it cover-to-cover twice all 800 pages and then came back with a list of questions for me. One young family of Travelers actually had this book change their love life forever after the young new husband had read it and gained insight on a misconception he'd always believed. Its life changing!.

And now I feel like I should be spinning around like Julie Andrews singing These Are a Few of My Favourite Things. Can't wait to see what 2020 brings.more; thankfully that is over for now. Time for rest and rejuvenation and travel!!!