AN ESSENTIAL SERVICE IN A PANDEMIC AT A BED AND BREAKFAST

Much has changed since my pre-Corona life when I returned from seeing my grandbabies in Australia. I've gone from the dark of the night, faced  with fear,  scorn, anger, shrieking, and accusations while having a cold and travelling, being told to quarantine at home NOW by my government, to embracing unexpected inner peace. 

As an A-type person, initially I crawled the walls with lack of motivation, lack of human contact, and being out of sorts. I've had to decide whether this is a time to go crazy or realize this is the best paid vacation I've had in years. I can't go anywhere, I can't talk to anybody in person, I don't feel obligated to visit people; my time is finally my own to do whatever I want to do. Most importantly, l am not glued to the TV news because it is too negative.  I get all kinds of articles I read from Public Health and FB watch parties by the PM (this was my favourite of Trudeau Speaking Moistly made to a song:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eySDeBdqxGY).  I read lots of "official" articles and it's still just a repeat of what I know or think I know aka fake news.  Rest assured, if I do anything wrong or go anywhere wrong my friends are front-and-center correcting me, tearing me a new one for sticking my head in the sand. 

Technology and social media are killing me. My phone and laptop are like a pinball machine all day long.  Yesterday I was so fed up that I turned everything off and  slept for 3 glorious hours. Friends are noticing they're getting very wired because they're so connected to everything and they're doing the same thing too.  I don't have to worry about missing calls for potential guests and it's very liberating. 

My B&B was deemed an essential service but only if I host front line workers and I'm not sure I want the exposure.  More importantly, I haven't had to deep clean for a month and I love the freedom.  Imagine having your house in selling, ready-for-a- showing 365 days a year for six years.  This time off is priceless.

I now have stacks of paperwork covering every table in my house.

For the very first time in six years, I can leave out all my messes and not worry that the phone is going to ring and somebody's looking for a last-minute booking so I would have to shove everything into a bag never to be looked at again. I'm finally getting through it all, the boxes are disappearing and a miracle is happening. There is counter and table space underneath. 

I used to go to bed late, not intentionally; I'd just lose track of time engrossed in all sorts of projects.  Now I'm getting caught up on a lot of sleep especially lost while around toddlers. On my unmotivated days, some would say my "best vacation" days, I get up,  have my daily long bath, go for a walk, have a morning nap, maybe exercise and the day is over. I look at the clock and its 8pm and I wonder what did I do with yet another Groundhog Day?

My taxes are done but I should never do anything to do with numbers.  I'm terrible at math calculations even though I use a calculator and it makes no sense. How can so many calculations not compute? The biggest problem came when I added up the last column and it was totally out of whack from the previous one. Turns out if I put in 83, my calculator changes it to .83. Every single column was wrong and then I realized how long has the calculator been doing this???  I'm going to prison.

Another plus is I have seen so much generosity since this has happened. One of my biggest challenges is I like to grocery and second hand shop. I'd been in quarantine for nine days with groceries being my biggest challenge. l left my fridge empty when I went away and coming home, it was still quite empty.  

I have a wonderful group of eclectic spiritual ladies whom I zoom with online and a few of them have offered to do my groceries but they're either older and shouldn't be out or they live too far away or they live in another province and they're going to drive all that way drop it off at the doorstep and turn around and drive away. That makes no sense to me. I don't like to ever ask anybody for anything so this is a real challenge for me. 

One neighbour Marie, who should not be out shopping would fill a few bags for me of fruits and vegetables. I didn't even bother giving her a list anymore, whatever she wanted to buy me I would gratefully accept and pay for. It was like Santa Claus left me a care package . It didn't matter whether it was full of socks and chocolate; it  was really quite exciting and I will be eternally grateful for her. On my last day of quarantine my fruit drawer looked like this.   I knew scurvy was coming soon if I didn't get to the grocery store asap.

 It killed me that I couldn't do competitive shopping when I know one store has raspberries at a $1.59 and I'm paying $6 if I do actually get the raspberries which I never did. I must assume the stores are out of them. I had no idea what the shelves looked like even though I saw pictures on Facebook. I wished I had the luxury of seeing the empty shelves myself. I guess it's all first world problems. We never had this problem in Australia when we shopped everyday  with the four of us sick spewing our unwellness. We had no idea  the world was spiraling out of control except that Australians were buying up all the toilet paper.

 I have a deep freeze full of meats like bacon and sausage which I really don't eat a lot of so at least I know I've got food if I really need it. They're strictly for my guests and I will never touch it since I crave vegetables and salads.

On the plus side, I was so sick with a cold in Australia that I lost my appetite and I refused to eat junk if I couldn't taste it. Back in Canada I realized I had lost eight pounds but now that I'm getting my appetite back those lost pounds have taken a dingy across the oceans and settled back to where they were.

Started little projects. Since the food is challenging I thought I

would make my own bread in my daughter's bread maker. No, I do not have bread maker yeast but how much of a difference could that make? I didn't have the proper bread flour either, or the proper quantities but being the queen of substitutions, I'd figure it out with the different kinds of flours that I have in my house, I mean really, what could go wrong? 

According to the manual, you put everything in a special way, close the top turn it on and when it beeps a lot you put in the fruit or the seasoning and close it up and I thought it would go for another whole cycle but no it didn't.  So there's this ugly twisted brownish dog turd where nothing mixed in. I took it out sliced it all up and tasted a hint of Rye and Caraway but mostly just glue. I dropped it and it made a loud clunk but did not break the countertop this time.  The good thing was because there's no preservatives in it, it turned moldy in 2 days so I got to throw it out yay !  I'm getting so sick of everybody on Facebook doing all their own home baking and it turning out like Martha Stewart and Betty Crocker had a baby. Stop it all of you, WE DON'T CARE.

I have multi pane glass doors to paint Birds on, book reports to do, retreats to plan, closets to clean, sewing to do, gardening if the snow ever goes away, and so much more useless papers to go through.  No one is here to bother me or stimulate my mind or anything else for that matter.

Initially there were no walks for me- just the frozen back yard in quarantine. I heard of a family that did a zoom call with 42 of her family members across the world including Italy. I was inspired to set one up for my family but oh the challenges they presented. In the end a good majority of my family participated. It was like a comic event among IT challenged siblings. One had neither internet connection, a decent cell phone nor a computer so he was out. One could hear us but not see us or talk as their webcam was faulty. One could talk but not hear us or see us. Two forgot and for the rest of us the sound cut out for no apparent reason.  Oh, it was a dog's breakfast but still kind of fun. Because I am the host and I didn't want to press any extra buttons and get locked out I never did press the host button and at exactly 40 minutes, with no warning, we all got cut off. Just curious I logged on again and they were all doing exactly the same thing so our phone call continued. Cool.

I'm spending most of my days doing dishes because the rest of the day I'm cooking. Went to make a new chocolate banana cranberry bread loaf and made one extra cookie on the side. I think it was the best cookie I've ever eaten.

I'm slowly understanding the value of pj's all day if I don't have plans to garden or go out.  One day, I even refused myself breakfast until I exercised.  I still start everyday in gym clothes, hoping to work out but I disappoint myself often.

Today was a turning point. I took out the shovel, carefully removed all of the very thick ice on the deck and located summer. And then I asked myself when I'm sitting on the front step which is so warm, how can 7 degrees outside be so warm yet 19 in my house shivers me to the bone? 

How can I plan meals with nothing in the fridge or food cupboard and eat better than when I have bought $400 worth of food and I eat cheese and crackers only?

I now go to bed by 10pm, and I have, more often than not, afternoon naps that range from 1 to 3 hours, cocooned in my thermal semi-weighted, oh so cozy blanket, dead to the world. This is what I wake up to and it's one of my favourite things in my house.  I am loving this vacation time, I mean pandemic isolation.

Surviving Traveling Thru Pandemic- States of Emergencies All over the World

Feb 29

Have you ever started a vacation deep in your heart thinking it's not going to happen, I cannot see the end result? That's how mine started. I booked with a third party that was obscure and could never really find my flight properly online. That made me nervous. I was never able to book all of my seats....  I could not do a proper check in from home and I also had to leave from Montreal which is a huge anxiety for me. If I don't turn left on a road because there's no light, I really don't want to drive to Montreal. Could take the train, could take the bus but then somehow I've got to get to both of those terminal without spending a lot of money. I've only taken the new LRT-1 so now I would have to take a local bus on a Saturday without Express routes, switch to the train and switch to a bus. Last time I did this for another trip I missed connections my feet froze it was a snowstorm, not great memories. In the end I left my car with my cousin parked in her driveway and she drove me to the bus station. 

I immediately met a woman who  wants to see my business. The lady in front was listening, lives a few streets away from me, is a realtor and wants to do business and before we knew it we were there in the blink of an eye. Unlike last time when I traveled to Montreal years ago  this one went smoothly. Back then, the lineups were a mile long, security a mile long for customs and we barely made the flight as we ran frantically to catch our flight. Today both departments were completely empty, I flew through everything without problems. I asked for a pat-down they asked me to take off my hoodie and didn't even bother  checking me. I knew that form fitting tank top would pay off one day. It will be a very long flight with all the connections but at this moment in time I feel like I will make them all and arrive absolutely exhausted, to be surrounded by two three year olds who will run me ragged and I can't wait.

The airport and planes are an eerie experience. It is rare to see an Asian without a mask and it's rare to see a Caucasian with one but us whities have the opportunity to access good quality ones made of thick black stretchy material, reminiscent of Silence of the Lambs. The is a tall skinny man in a long black cloak,  black sleeping mask and a black mouth mask. He scares the bejeebers out of me in the middle of the night. I now carry garlic, just in case when I pass him on the plane. You know its a scare when all the Asian staff are sporting masks. what a world we live in.

My seat mates have black special masks but they are not sick. That is the media hype of the Corona virus. The masks are only if you are sick to prevent others from catching what you have. None of these people are sick but 20 hours with a mask, not me... or so I thought.

The guy beside me is double stretchy cloth mask like the material of scuba diving suits. Now imagine the utter gall of this couple complaining that there are tons of extra seats on the plane and because I'm travelling alone, they tell the attendant that THEY want me moved so they can be more comfortable. Forget that I love my seat, my one neighbour and have completely unpacked and I chose close to the bathroom intentionally. I hate bullies. Gawd I was furious, spitting bullets, mad enough to drink on this flight when my daughter forbade me. I kept telling the attendant I did not want to relocate but to no avail.

The aircraft is gorgeous....not on the lines of Emirates but suuweet. Virgin Australia has the best airline food and snacks I've ever eaten.

I've had a number of cat naps, so the typical sleep of a middle aged woman. I'm less bitter but still glad for the rule about no nail files on board. Not sure how vindictive I could become when you screw with my aisle seat.

At one point its mandatory shut the blinds no matter whether its light out or not. At 5am I asked the sweet window girl to peek outside and the sun was rising  clouds were spooky, likes millions of popcorn kernels, it was magical but the nearby sleeping millennial vampires cringed and covered their heads with blankets. Pretty funny actually. 

I found the airline stash of chips, granola, fruit, and popcorn. Uh oh...not off to a good start as I squirrel them all away like a winter gathering chipmunk. I'd rather be the hibernating sleeping bears on board.

March 2-Just arrived and not a snow droplet to be found. Just green grass and steamy hot. Not a minute too soon because I think every single person on the flight was snivelling and juicy sounding and very contagious. Get me out of here fast.

I'm already 17000 kilometres away from my home town. I converted a lot of Canadian money and realised that the envelope was not in my purse nor in my knapsack so it's probably in my unlocked checked bag. I sure hope it's still there when I get to destination. If not some lucky baggaget guy is planning a trip to go somewhere . Crossing my my fingers. In the meantime I'm going to eat my body weight hourly while I charge up my debit card like The Flintstones wives.

Mar 4- we're a day later here so I'm thoroughly confused about what day it is.

Australia is really and truly a beautiful place in March at 18+ degrees. The cacophony of birds makes me feel like I'm in Costa Rica again again. The magpies the warbling the chipping and the crying baby sounds are the funniest thing ever. There are so many beautiful plants and trees here that reminds me of Hawaii. 

Ok enough on that rainbows and unicorns bull. Costa Rica was torture. This is the real world we live in. My son-in-law and I took the girls for a long walk- I forgot how much fun that age can be. Not!  Twin 3 year old girls are only happy when they are carried for hour after hour after hour and if you foolishly put them down, they will run in opposite directions towards traffic. I got back and hobbled into the house and curled up into a fetal position praying for death.  A short while later I was fine and apparently I'm a drama queen.  In the time that Christelle has gleefully worked every day (I get it now. I would be picking up extra shifts if I were her) I have given kids their first bath since they moved into the house 6 months ago. They don't know how to sit in the bath so they squat; it's so funny. We have coloured, read lots,  stickered up papers, watched lots of old  Disney, jumped on the trampoline pushed on hours of swings, washed the hands, feet, runny noses and clothes 100, 000 times only to have them run outside in the mud, rinse and repeat. We even took them swimming.

Because they generally go to bed at 7 p.m, the rest of us are in bed no later than 9:30pm ...party animals are we. 

Look closely, she has 2 balls

Yesterday I had the brilliant idea to have us all go for a zen first bowling session. They didn't want to give the two adults bumper bowling so we forged on. You've never seen sadder adult bowling as there was yesterday. Finally agreed  to turn on the bumper for everyone. The kids were rolling balls so slowly that the balls stopped dead in the middle of the lane or the gutter and someone had to retrieve them- all rules were off with people walking on the sacred Lane. The rolling rack was a deathtrap too because these fiercely independent 3 year olds had to lift this 500lb ball over their head to put it on while fighting tooth and nail over whose turn it was. It was mad chaos. In the end  dad played for four people while we chased the other two bored children through the arcade letting them try everything without putting money in. We all left exhausted.

March 5

Up at anytime after 4pm so my imaginary naptime comes early. It's such a good day when

  

you leave your bedroom door open in the morning at o' dark hundred and a little body stands in the doorway kind of confused and tired but then jumps into your bed. That doesn't happen very often. More likely I jump up and down excited at the prospect and scare the hell out of them and they run back to Mummy and Daddy. Brats hate me in the morning.

So we had grand plans for today. The Aquarium, possibly a park, lunch, ride their first tram and go to the Dinosaur Museum. We did the aquarium rode a tram and went to an awesome back alley Asian restaurant and ate kimchi pancakes. we drank some flavoured saki and then we drank some more and some more and some more and I have to admit I got a little giddy and I'm pretty sure my daughter will never let me forget it since it is such a rare occasion . We went out for supper , just my daughter and I and made a short stop at their version of a dollar store but it's much more expensive. Since the twins birthday is coming up shortly I went to this five dollar store and dropped over $100 worth of craft supplies. What was I thinking? Oh ya, too much sake!

Mar 6

3am the babes were a wailing but I ignored them because they never want to come to me in the middle of the night. I get up anyway and one wants to sleep with me. Yippee yippee I'm so excited and then the other one walks in the room and wants to sleep with me too. I truly feel like Grandma now . They hogged the bed, one of them sucker punched me twice , both kicked off their blankets and then rolled on top of them so that I couldn't have access to blankets. I was so cold but realised there was one blanket stuffed between the wall and the bed so I hunkered down in it to keep warm. Got no sleep but still it was awesome. 

Up very early colouring , eating, wasting so much food and watching TV.  Their mum and dad were going out so I decided to invite the outlaws over so they could see the babies before we went on a trip. Might rethink that sequence of events in the future- chaos. We played outside on the trampoline read lots of books, danced, wasted more food and then thankfully the day was over with before I was issued a straight jacket. May be locking my my bedroom door and putting in two sets of ear plugs tonight. Why didn't anyone tell me that 3 year old twin girls could make me feel like I was run over by a mack truck?

And now I'm very afraid because tomorrow morning my daughter and I take the twins on a 7-day road trip. Someone shake some sense into me next time.

By average human standards, road trip day seems like it was a bust. Yes, we did load the van to the ceiling with stuff we absolutely couldnt live without. Vague breakfasts were attempted and ankle biters dressed and redressed as quickly as we congratulated ourselves...it was loosely like a bordello with naked baby bums everywhere and clothes hanging from the lites.

We made good time to windy and chilly Torquay to see the family surfer beach and watch our winter clad girls race like possessed maniacs to see how wet in the shore waves and rolling in sand they could get while moving as fast as the speed of lite. My daughter and I dislike sand but no sand castle was left unstomped by the Terminator and the Hulk. Then off to get ice cream and it was like adding sugar and honey to pigpen from Charlie Brown. Now that they were sticky, we thought of the world famous ice cream shop then fish and chips, yes in that order, would be smart.  

Back at the homestead, they loved the Airbnb but us esp because the back yard was enclosed, like a doggie park AND they found a creative way to get in and out to play.. We did get some good advise about a playground and found parks in Australia are
unbelievable. 

 Trails and trails on bridges to get to it so we all got exercise. 

Well, as per the Australian custom, every time I come for a visit, I catch the babies colds. They are forever coughing in my mouth, sucking on my toothbrush, using my lipsol... even putting my night guard in their mouths. Ninja sleuths finding everything I have hidden. It's becoming a slower pace as a result. Wish you were here, and I was home sleeping. 

Mar 9

Be cause their birthday is coming up shortly, I gave out most of the entertainment and crafts. They thought of new ways to torture every surface they played on. I might have to kiss my cleaning fee goodbye cuz paint, playdough, food, stamps, stickers and dirt have                                         creatively covered everything.

 We went to the Chocolate Factory. Imagine Labour Day Monday packed to the gills with tourists and locals and with free samples also of chocolate. Kids were hanging from the ceiling - was not a pretty sight but if you were to go in the backyard there was a football sized yard fully enclosed and stocked with a  chicken coop, soccer balls and tons of things to occupy them with. Wonder if we can sneak away once they are occupied.

Attempted to stroller to the beach. Ya, NO, not happening. Redirected to the grocery store with that danged talking howling chimp. Some very unhappy shoppers and cashiers there until we left the mad house.

Really loving shower time, books, kisses and lites out at 7. Sadly by then, we are too pooped to appreciate quiet time. And one of the little monsters always joins us in our queen bed at some point. Yes I will need a vacation after my vacation.

Mar 10

We massively cleaned their Airbnb and I think the place looks as good as it did before we arrived. We drove along the coast and saw some  spectacular beaches, winding roads reminiscent of Tofino and cliffs that reminded me of Taos, New Mexico. We went to one place jumped on multiple trampolines and swam in the ocean with the waves and had the beat ever Thai noodle food. The girls loved it and instead of seeing all the other cute little towns along the way I just took a few pictures and we went to the last place. It's a caravan park that I was dreading and it's fabulous. There are koalas in the trees and I saw a kangaroo on the side of the road. Met some nice neighbours with a perfect 6 month old. The young dad was surprised to hear that if you get bitten by a snake you are not to do anything

and do not move move. I laughed and asked if his  wife told him that? She probably also told you to expose your neck and drop into a fetal position circling the snake so it bites you repeatedly then you have to go to the hospital and explain to them why you didn't walk away and you'll be the laughing stock while she is going through your insurance policy.

 Went to buy a bottle of wine and didn't have enough money and she said oh that's ok hun. come back when you do have it tomorrow and sent me home with the bottle. I don't do well on the honour system. Thinking of keeping the two dollars and driving to Mexico, or the Australian equivalent. Never did drink it. The cold has taken over all my senses and kleenex.

I did go to pay the missing balance and she said to keep it. I love this peaceful place.

So the Corona virus does not have affected me or my business but yesterday we did have one cancellation due partially. we ended up renting a nicer place for less money so that worked out good. 

Now there is a really weird side effect of the virus in Australia and that's that people are hoarding toilet paper not even masks. You can't get toilet paper anywhere. if you order it online you can't even find it in their inventory. It's so weird and it's such a frenzy here. The Aussies are so strange lol.

Mar 11

So it was another long night with Renee up perhaps three times, coughing alot. The first time she crawled in bed it was so cute but that gets old fast. Now I'm  run down, sleep deprived with a head cold, cranky on vacation.

We left the kids in their jammies and decided to go for a field and forest hike to the beach far

away.  Saw lots of horses along the way and hoped to see kangaroos but no luck. Did see a another small koala outside our cabin. Fed the horses rotten old apples and Renee was so nervous.

Realised that this campground was super Zen so we stopped worrying about the cars until the twins separated and one disappeared. I was not worried but am I a bad grandma to think that if something bad happened, I was going to be in big trouble? 

I lay down for a nap in the afternoon while daughter looked after the ankle biters and did 1000 crafts with them. The highlight of our day was going to the park to play on the swings and spying some loose baby goats. They were so cute until they started head butting us.

They walked the pet goats/unicorn home

After many photos, the owner came over and put them on leashes and our girls walked them home. That will be the highlite I'm sure. Finally cracked into the bottle of wine play some dice and made jam out of the $24 container of pick your own strawberries. Time to crash.

Oh crap, all flights flying into states will be refused from Europe. No idea if Australia is safer- someone suggested that Trump probably thinks Australia is Europe as well.  Doesn't matter, once they hear me croak like a hoarse frog, coughing, I will be quarantined. Sigh!

And the only "news" I read and re-posted for being so helpful was from Facebook. Daughter debunked every single belief I had. Damn. When did the internet start lying,?

Hated leaving the caravan park paradise. They upgraded us and backed us onto an idyllic farm vista that I could look outside forever.

Last thing we did was sing happy birthday again and apply powdered coloured streaks to everyone's hair. They have blond, very fine hair and it was adorable. Now it's time for Cathy's annual fashion tip. Do not under any circumstances do it to a brunet with fine hair. First of all it doesn't show up and secondly it DESTROYS your hair so you wont be able to comb  it after; like a discount dry hair shampoo made of ajax. Another stoopid idea from FB.

Had a psychotic experience at the  cheese factory. They ran, touched everything they shouldn't, esp in the wine display. We left the cheese factory with no cheese. Grrrr. Every time I chase and yell, I cant talk and swallow and it hurts.

The highlite of the Great Ocean road are the 12 Apostle rock formations. Lots of racing, notice for proper selfies, hot but spectacular.  Ok I dont want to say it out loud but maybe sightseeing is for adults only.

Had to stop at the grocery store for wine, need wine, l must buy it all up so I don't throttle them. Kids were rotten going to bed with so many excuses. I predicted

7:46 pm, and it was a hard well-earned win for all.

Mar 12

So many breakfasts wasted. Make up your minds! Yer grumpy grandma is tired and sick.

8-9am we drove to Thunder Point Lookout and it was more than breathtaking, then nearby to Stingray beach where they constantly ran into the deep water. Gawd they would try the patience of Job, or Mother Theresa for you souls who are going to hell anyway for not knowing the Bible reference.

We checked out only to have the little spawns of Satan scream for hours- we were ragged. Of course just before we arrived they both nodded off. One was so distraught, she missed her daddy so I sent him a plea to video himself talking to the girls. He did one better and read them a story but they didn't get that it was a video, so they cried harder when he ignored their questions.

Arrived- there was a monstrous kangaroo a car length away...we were all so excited. After visiting, we decided to do finger paints on deck and suddenly it's there, on our deck scaring the bejesus out of us. Can they run off with the babies? What if we talk softly and we place them in their pouches?  

We were mesmerized for an hour then realized there were 26 of them short walkway at a sanctuary.

Shopping for food- kill me

Picking up restaurant food for supper- kill me.  All they do is scream and beg for candy- where are big kangaroos with empty pouches when you need them?!

Been away two weeks. At home I'm "regular" 3x a day. Here, never!  I haven't pooped in months...I'm  sure that's how long I've really  been here for. If I ever do get on the plane I will need 3 bloated seats. 

Its bleak, wrapped up with scarves shivering, too listless to get a blanket or walk to my bed, coughing up lungs. How many freakin'  lungs do I have?

Mar 13- went to bed totally drugged up with babies medicines, my medicines, everything but I was still coughing a good part of the night. Best part of the morning is Ground Zero Renee joining me in bed and snuggling. 

I been looking for love in all the wrong places. I found it with two little non Corona spewing coughing crabby laughing babies- they're the loves of my life....and I really can't wait to go home and get better.

Our cabin came with a large Jacuzzi tub and I thought they'd love to swim with grandma but with their swim bottoms on- I'm not completely stoopid, please. What was I thinking? Turns out I'm  completely stoopid. Slippery munchkins,  floaties, fighting and one just stood beside me and started spitting. Wish you were there instead of me.

Went to the kangaroo sanctuary and the girls were so excited to be so close...but of course they took off in a dead run towards these probably territorial beasts. Sheer panic... that should be the new title for our adventures. You can see it in their eyes the exact moment they decide, "screw this, I want to fly" and both telepathically bolt away in opposite directions, usually towards a cliff, road, wildlife or waterfalls. It's when the swears fly out of your mouth as you curse their children's  children for 7 generations. I should have been a voodoo priestess but by now I'm probably an honorary one. One time I was sooooooooooooo angry and as I held the least culpable one, I said, your sister is very very bad! She looked at me with angelic eyes and said, "grandma, I'm  bad too". Arrrgh stop being so damn cute.

Played in the wonderful park until another meltdown...not sure if it was ours or their's but a meltdown was had. If we can just make it thru another short kill-me grocery trip without a murder happening. I know these passages are getting darker. Two sick mommies should never go out with two ninja babies who are full of piss and vinegar. 

Final outing was to find the natural Venus Bath Hot springs. A couple of very rough chasing marathons till we found the trail, gorgeous only to learn all the pools were frigid. Sigh! What am I doing looking for hot springs in Australia? On the bright side, I think I've convinced daughter to buy leashes for the girls.

 We promised  ourselves we wouldn't go out again, just supper in but we are weak and off to see the roos again.

Bedtime goes like this... once they are in bed at 7pm, on the dot, we attempt to eat uninterrupted. No more showers for the ankle biters - too tired. Only 2 books each, hugs and our tears when it all works. We get a glass off sleeping wine, both pull out our phones, do the droopy head bob for 1-2 hours and in bed by 9 at the latest. Cough all nite, and repeat with the early cuddle.

Mar 14

430 they awoke and one came in darkness with arms uplifted, like my heart. As we walked

to my room, she asked for her echidna, and I realized with horror, I did not have the cuddler. I had Mickie the stump- when she sleeps, she does not move, or hug. Boody hell, I want my money back. Now don't be looking at me that way. I didn't send her off in the woods to be kicked by angry kangaroos. I hugged her and pretended I was married again lmao. I'm just kidding. We slept well but the sight of our house when we woke up was painful. With zombie moms, the kids get away with murder and emptied every container of toys and puzzles they could find and then started on scattering the dry cereal... Checking out was going to be brutal and very time consuming but somehow, we pulled it off and left. Screw any stops. Enough is enough. Her house was mini Nirvana, fresh and clean and every room smelling of fresh paint. After massages for the weary master of the house, and a wonderfully long massage session for the girls, the rest of the day was so uneventfully pleasant I won't even bore you with it. 

Mar 16

Back to the real world... flight day, I hope. I did notice our sabbatical deprived us from our current events -state of emergency where I was flying out of and notices to all foreigners to get out, get the hell out now you unwelcome locusts. Messages from concerned family and friends. State of emergency where I'm flying to and me with three seats on a plane choking back coughing. The morning after the red eye I went to the bathroom and the coughing started. Usually it's a half hour to hour clearing affair but it finally ended. I slunk out knowing all the staff were there listening to "ground zero" come out. I looked down, took my drink and had the kindest steward ask if I was ok. It's getting harder to reassure people 'it's just a cold'. Landing in the states shortly. If I make my short connection, I think Dorothy  is finally coming home. 

It's much worse than it looks

Well, LAX went smoothly and I caught my flight but there were endless lines and securities and health checks.  On the plane, after someone notified them, a sweet airline staffer asked if I would wear a mask because I had "a bit of a cough".  Was she kidding me?  A bit?  I took it gratefully and realized for the next 4 1/2 hours I'd be re-breathing my breath and coughing. When I stood to let someone walk, I accidentally touched the stop of the screen of the lady behind me.  She actually shrieked, "What are you doing.  Don't touch. OMG!" then she wiped down her entire unit again.  When you wear a mask, you are the enemy and it's mob warfare out there.  The couple beside me put their hoods up and refused to look my way.  Another lady, before the mask, refused to let me get the seat change I was promised. In the airport people were loudly saying into their phones that EVERYONE is sick in the airport as they looked pointedly at me and they were so angry.  When the country you are in and the one you are going back to say get out now, you do. My last prideful moment was in border security answering all the questions.  I did admit to having a cough, high fever and pain (one question) so when the young dude repeated that, I said, actually, just a cough and explained. He asked if I wanted to speak to the Public Health officer and I saw where he motioned, a room full of sick people with masks, and all looking like they had been detained for a long time, I said, Absolutely not.  It's a cold, and he stared for a long time then sighed and said, welcome to Canada.  Tried to arrange my return bus ride home and the dude was angry, abrasive, and in my face, no matter how softly I spoke .  It was only when I said I had a refundable ticket that he changed completely.  The whole world has gone mad! 

I did not realize just how lucky I had been to actually get in before the borders closed.  At

Pic of a rose I took

home the next day, my doctor said to stay home, suck it up and wait it out and you know what?  The trip was totally worth it all cause now the Australian Prime Minister has banned all non essential flights out of the country and the borders are closed indefinitely.  The end.  Thanks for following  my chronicles.  Feel free to sign up for my much shorter blogs.

Someone stole my baby-Lost Connection to the World

I'm not being overly dramatic but I lost my cell phone and it was the most traumatic day of my life on this planet...way worse than wars, plagues and disasters.  I went to a full day of different Meetup Spiritual events and church but at the last one I forgot my cell in the car.  Darn.  When I returned to pick up my neglected baby, she was not there.  OMG.  The sick feeling in the pit of your stomach.  Someone has stolen my baby.  I was pretty sure I tried to unsuccessfully stuff it in my already full pockets and it fell out, in the sleet, rain, snow mounds and ponds on the road, sloppiest day of the year.  I knew it was a lost cause and I had to go home.  
I've never had phone damaged or lost before. When I am around a toilet, the phone is removed from pockets and a wide perimeter is taken to avoid an accident but this was totally different.  I only have one number, my daughter and she was probably in bed.  My landline called the cell on the off chance it was int he car then I remembered I it was on silent for the day.  No humming.  I know there is a sticker on the phone with my email and my new land line so I placed all my hopes and prayers on that.
  
Suddenly I remembered Find My Phone.  I located it near the area I suspected I lost it but do you lock the phone first or retrieve the  messages?  I'm going with the assumption that whoever found it was either the devil and was keeping it, going thru all my porn, or an angel who saved it at their house but making me wait.  Suddenly, my landline rang and she asked, is this your phone?  Yahoo.  Woot Woot.  Saved.  Then I got attitude.  She was wondering why I never bothered to call.  Because I don't have a phone and I didn't know it was missing until I was all alone.  I asked if she was at a particular intersection that Find My Phone said and that really creeped her out.  She refused to give her first name but would put it in her mailbox.  I was supposed to text here when I arrived.  How????? We forget how powerless we are without our electronic appendages. 

When I got my baby, she was cold, and I know miserable.  I brought her home, worked her to death retrieving a full day's worth of messages, then gently put her to sleep in a bag full of those anti-moisture packets you find in your pills, electronics, pretty much everything.  If 5 years worth of these didn't knock the moisture outta her, nothing would work.  Perhaps it wasn't even water damaged but I wasn't taking any chances.  I still can't believe all those people at the steamy outdoor spas walking around in the pool with their unprotected cell phones, taking pictures.  Some had underwater protectors but I trust nothing with my link to the world. 

My life support is my cell.  Without it I just wanted to crawl in bed, fold my arms across my chest and expire but first I wanted to dictate a blog- the phone was gone... Check a phone number to call where I bought the phone and what I should do-gone;  answer a text, no access;  listen to my new B&B booking request-not possible.   Arggggh!!!!

And now I am one of them.  A mere 10 years ago, I was the last dinosaur on the planet to not have a cell.  I frowned in judgment at the entire bus with their heads down answering their messages, watching TV, and googlin".  Now it's the last thing I do at night before I turn everything off, (but not with guests staying- learned that one the hard way) and the first thing I turn on in the morning.....correction, oops,  the first device I read in the morning.  I hang my head in shame and pray it will not be too late to change my ways when I retire and can't blame this addiction on "just have to check for work" syndrome/lies.  I have no other addictions.  I don't drink, smoke, take drugs, never had coffee, obviously don't get any, don't enjoy caffeine, do high risk sports, (gawd I am boring) but this one is serious.    

I wonder if one day they will have centers for addictions to cell phones but until then, shhhh, I'm trying to read my Facebook messages... and down the black hole I go again.   

Need a room for Winterlude or Travel Advice in Ottawa?

 As a B&B owner in Ottawa, I see myself also as a pseudo travel agent educating the masses about traveling solo or on a shoestring as I did years ago. This is ironic because I was a dreadful travel agent when I did it for a living but it doesn't stop me from teaching and hosting workshops on travel...mostly on what not to do.  

This FB post right mapped cities west of Toronto  named after cities in Europe like Lisbon...   reminded me I could have just as easily, have accidentally sent my travel guests to the wrong city in Ontario  but now it's not my problem.  The statute of limitations has run out for blaming me.  And yet, with that said, my family still wants me to make all their flight and travel bookings.  I love them dearly but they are so dumb and trusting.
  
At Spoiled Rotten B&B, my guests learn about: 

• Solo travel, 
• Couchsurfing, 
• WWOOFing, 
• Working vacations, 
• House sitting, 
• Work exchanges, and
• Airbnb (specifically Instant book and Superhosts), 

And most importantly, they learn about having a wall map of pride and pictures to showcase the best of their memories.

When people come to town, I give them a list of my favourite things to see and do; some are well known, like the Parliament buildings and others are Virtual Reality art experiences and other obscure activities.  

 Le Nordik is always top of the list for must see things in Chelsea, not far from downtown Ottawa. I also really like the Innukshuks off Parkdale.  





When traveling to Orleans, the most logical link to check would be Ottawa Tourism:
 https://www.ottawatourism.ca/ottawa-insider/things-to-do-in-ottawa-this-weekend/

Another one of my favourite emails to receive is Ottawa Road Trips by Laura, who has contests, usually 25 of the best featured road trips from Ottawa, the best biking trails, ski routes and all things interesting.  You should get on her mailing list:  laura@ottawaroadtrips.com but don't you dare enter the contests.  They have my winners name all over them.  

The world becomes smaller when you travel and your outlook opens up.  I was heading to BC, another travel day and I called up my Uber friend to see if he would be able to take me to the airport. His wife wrote me back that he would absolutely take me and there was no charge as usual.  Imagine my horror when I found out that he doesn't even drive for Uber anymore and he had contractors at his home. Good grief, I would never have bothered them.  I hate asking anyone for anything.

On the way to the airport, we talked about old times when they gave to Canada and they stayed at my bed and breakfast.While reminiscing he told me that they had just received their Canadian citizenship and they were all so happy. When they first arrived to Canada they had stayed at the small local hotel and we're very unhappy with the cold atmosphere. They located me at Spoil Rotten Bed and Breakfast and as we arranged apartments and the logistics with me acting as a translator they realized for the first time ever, they felt proud and happy to be in Canada. You just never know the impact you have with people while running a bed and breakfast

At another airport, I sat across from a man using his laptop which had a logo for an acupressure mat.  I interrupted him to ask if it was the one that looked like mine with many cleats and plastic points as I pulled a travel sample out of my knapsack.  He smiled and said his was the real deal, metal and sharp as real nails.  I knew then and there that I had to have one, no matter what the cost. Unlike the plastic cleat mat, which is easy to stand on, the metal one is screamingly brutal.   

Sitting on the plane to BC, I was speaking to the passenger beside me and I offered him use of my acupressure finger massager which I love to share. When we talked about acupressure mats he said he had the real bed of nails from the Ukraine. I told him  my massage therapist was from the Ukraine. Turns out we both go to him and both  love and hate him. We spent the rest of the flight talking about our dude checking out all my pictures of his work on my cell when I observed two of his massages. You never know who you will meet who knows someone you know.

Just came back from Iceland in winter, and that was full of gale force winds, closed roads and snow storms.  Now, a mere 8 weeks later, I'm off to Australia to the land of bush fires, hail, rain, and dust storms.  I need to fire my travel agent.

I WILL be here for the opening of Winterlude starting Jan 31st so pack up your skates, your long underwear, and  traditional Canadian headgear, (your toque), make like Bob Barker and Come On Down.  I'll be waiting for your call or email 'cause Ottawa is booking up fast and you are going to want somewhere special to stay.