Pandemic Travel on an RV with this Retired Homeless Senior

 My sister is the dreamer and I'm logistics so planning a preCovid 50th out of town birthday party with all the relatives was fraught with probs.   First and foremost  Covid prevented the BC dreamer and the chauffeur from flying back. We had decided to rent an RV and travel around Ontario, see some of our own country especially Manitoulin island, Killarney and Tobermory's clear blue waters.                                                                     Bro, his wife and I realized we could do this on our own with me planning the logistics, omg, not again!  lol.   We would get an RV from Kingston, pick up the rest of the Bellevilley Hillbillies, drive to the Hamilton Escarpment,  see baby bro in Windsor and start the glamping portion for the other three Holiday Inn campers. Luck was with the three broads- Tom was going to drive almost the entire trip and we would follow all the rules of the road by wearing our seat belts religiously, never standing to get food, never napping in the bed and drinking only coolaid cause alcohol is baaaaaaaad. 

We had high hopes for the escarpment which did not disappoint and seeing hundreds of waterfalls but alas, the RV was too big and the tourist too great on Labour Day weekend so we had to skip the falls. Boo, hiss. Stop smiling Dreamer!  

Before departure, I had talked with my older brother who was to warn younger sister we were leaving a day earlier but Tom being Tom, forgot until a couple of hours before departure knowing she works and it could be a problem. He encouraged her to get hopping by saying we would eat by the lites of the escarpment with the waterfalls nearby. It worked but me being me, the RV center was not in Hamilton but rather out in a treeless, mostly water-less lot, far from any waterfalls. My ass was grass especially when all the dishes I put aside earlier, as I was moving, I periodically pillaged from so we were missing; some crucial items... cups, glasses, chopping board... oh the list was long and the frowns of disapproval, many. Damage control took me back to my college days when I would borrow sugar from the cute testosterone next door. Same scam, different environment. I met all the campground neighbors and mooched aplenty- it was win/win socializing for everyone.

One of everyone's favourite places to stop was the amazing town of Erieau.  We were shocked

at how beautiful and peaceful it was and how phenomenal the beach was.  I could live there except it's a peninsula so you see water on both sides and I'm guessing it floods. I asked one gentleman how expensive houses were and he said "Really Expensive".  $300-$400,000 and I bet they don't have bidding wars.  My kind of place.

Baby brother Paul, near Windsor but in the country, has landscaping in his blood so his house is an oasis and a budding future retreat all in one for when they retire. Imagine living in the country witnessing both the sunrise and sunsets and starting both vacation days, surrounded by family around a bonfire from 7am to 11pm. Fantastic. One of my best memories is being offered their RV double bed since big brother always steals the best accommodations when we travel because, don't you know, he's married. Us single lepers sleep on tables, humps, and hang from the ceiling- but I'm not bitter, oh no...just plotting. That sleep in the other camper was the best ever. I should have just gotten the keys and taken two RV's. We finished off two days of laughter with our arms full of lifesaving forgotten RV items, food harvested from Paul and Marina's organic garden and seeds from their many spectacular flower beds. 

Off to the infamous Pinery, on a long weekend without a reservation and only a day pass- what could go wrong. I was teaching our fellow passengers how to manifest what we wanted...and more. We visualized the LAST electric site, on the water, with our neighbours being firemen moonlighting as  Chippendales. We spent time on the beach and we got chewed alive by sand flies while we swam and collected stones, oh so many stones. 

After a bike ride to find the reservation office, we happened upon the Chippendaley campground Super who not only called ahead but arranged for them to open up a site for us.... we were sooo lucky!!!! We called baby bro to brag and pull his leg about how we screwed up the RV dumping station. We had him thinking we were buffoons who had just opened the black poop storage to let it drop into the hole. Best laugh we've ever had in years but he will never trust us again and we will probably pay dearly for that prank.

The late-night jaunt  along the beach for much picture taking,  cheesecake shots filled up the night as we finished off with card games. I proposed a contest- who could get the most unique photo. 

A short while later, friend Deb grabbed my arm and whispered in the dark...look, its the biggest owl I've ever seen.  Maaaaybe??

She took her photo and I took a different vantage point. This was mine and hers is the dark shape.

At 2 in the morning along came the massive torrential thunderstorm that would last for 3 hours - basically all night. No amount of earplugs could block it. Sure the first 18 hours were lovely but at some point you just want to yell out "enough already". It was a late start in the morning, another walk along the beach, lots of mishaps almost as we pulled away without unplugging, turning off things, bringing in the slide out wall, but we're getting it.

With each passing day there are only four of us and we each seem to have a different chore. Sometimes it's washing dishes . In Tom's case it's driving so as soon as we arrive he picks up a book and disappears. I seem to be the one to find the campsites and set the GPS and Marina and I  do a lot of cooking while she tends the . It's working out very well but I sure would love to have Don driving and Diane cleaning.

Sauble Beach was interesting. The RV sites were not great but had private docks

and the rapids were beautiful. Another 1000 pics to delete in a year's time.

Sept 9

There are some drawbacks to tight living and out of a suitcase. The days are getting shorter and rainier and colder. I'm starting to dread the night time. I sleep on a table which converts to the breakfast nook so every night I have to take apart the table, which is quite heavy, and set up my entire bed. In the morning I wake up at 5:30 and it's difficult to read, blog or watch TV without waking up the whole place. With each passing day, I'm  starting to make more noise, the decibel of which a mouse would make which is too loud for me.  Across the room my roommate sleeps on the upper berth and has a curtain that drags across except for when we open the slide out and it gets locked into place so there's no privacy. That can never happen again cuz I treasure privacy these days after lacking it for so long in my previous "home". Gawd I sound whiny.

Tobermory is our greatest excitement... before Murphy's law!  We wasted lots of time with parking issues, booking a campground and switching. Lots of natural sites are reduced by the size of our vehicle. Can't see the grotto by land until after Sept 27- booked solid. Couldn't see the Grotto, Flowerpot island OR the damn glass bottom boats by sea cause of the wind and cancellations that day. Had to remind myself the universe was telling us to slooow down and smell the roses. We did love the rocks, water and lighthouse. We did love walking thru the cute Alaska-ish  town and walked a boardwalk outside of town that cost a small fortune for the entry fee and wasn't that entertaining.

Booking the ferry to Manitoulin was a beast. Of course we left it til the last min AND its supposed to be online but that's down. Office is Covid closed so that leaves the min half hour online wait. At 25 min I was the Ferry greeter telling everyone where to go. Another family came up so I told him at the end of my call, I would pass the phone. My party got the LAST car out and they sadly walked away. Drove 3 hrs for nothing. I asked the guy on the phone if there was anything he could do for them and next thing I know, they are on. Woo hoo! Won the lottery. A bit later while waiting for shoppers, I saw a woman struggling with 2 heavy bags of groceries. Well my mama taught me better than that so I offered to carry one to her destination. BIG mistake! The bag weighed 1000 pounds but I would be damned if I'd quit. If she could carry two, I could certainly carry one. I have become very wimpy and out of shape since Covid.

Raining all nite, cold, I fear we will not make another day but onto the ferry we will go. This last RV site was the best... laundry, baby goats, bogs, ponds,... I saw none of it the nite before- just blogged in the laundry room wifi and watched a DVD. We are lazy, tired plugs so now you know.

Spent the morning going over whether we were going to our  next destination or to stay in the same place. I am getting testy as I spend my mornings planning our next destination  and LaLa Tom breezes in and asserts his wishes, changes everything,  annoys the poop out of the on hold reservation clerk and gaily dances out leaving wreckage in his wake. 

The campground put pressure on us so we finally gave up our spot and decided to move on. Oh what a disaster but now we at least have one night booked nowhere on the route we intended.  We had wanted to drive down Georgian Bay but it's  Friday, another weekend at parks Canada, and every single park is booked solid for the RV's, and our RV is too long and there are no electrical sites available anywhere. What I did learn is at the nicer prov parks, its only electrical so every time you use water,  the generator kicks in. At the more expensive RV parks, we have it all and then some. My favourite, Tobermory Village RV and Campgrounds had a blog, trails, massive paddle boats, baby goats, go carts, outdoor workout machines AND an island of hammocks. Outstanding!!

So, my fellow travelers told me to stop lying about my role on this trip. Sure, a few extra hundred bags of luggage, and mess and yes, I do eat every hour on the hour and plan every mealtime so I don't die of starvation or lose any of my Covid 20 pounds and I use every dish in the house for all the cooking but really, I have been a delight to travel with. 

Finally got go on a bike ride and see nature then get in the driver's seat to start driving. Not even off the campground Gps Agnes had me in the middle of nowhere and I couldn't back up so bossy older brother Tom had to navigate and take over. Rather than take a chance again he drove to the Cup and Saucer Escarpment hike.

I have wrecked every part of my body with the move but this was so worth it for 2 1/2 hours. What a glorious afternoon of cliffs, rocks, vistas and every single person on the trail touching the same life saving railing and rocks. Hope Covid was not present but not the worst way to go, if I had to pick my departure day.

 We got back and I decided to drive again and it was so beautiful until I pulled into a grocery store. Got the perfect site. And then I decided to think like a man and find something closer forgetting that it's Friday and the whole parking lot is full. I pull up and Tom says you're not going to be able to get out of the spot and he says and if you go forward the back end is going to hit that truck behind us. Now I panicked with every inch I went i noticed he was right. And then of course I noticed all the cars that were facing me waiting to get out and I couldn't do it. I had to just simply put the car in Park and simply get out and walk away in shame and horror. When I pulled into the smaller spot I thought I was in my smaller prius. Boy that could have cost me a bundle. Tom did his magic and got us out of my 2nd blunder of the day. Eventually I got back on the horse around Sudbury and it was lovely so I drove until dark. The other two women

hate driving so much that they are willing to be driven to their maker by me and I'm guessing its been close a few times. At least Tom finally got to relax in the back and play his guitar. Not many pictures of him but he was there.

We arrived in Restoule provincial Park with  a bad GPS  input so ended up in the dark, no signs, no office, if we could ever find it was closed... oh you can only imagine the bickering...ugly days. Found our spot, set up in minutes like well oiled machinery  and then face planted to sleep. Cinderella Cathy  joined them 20 minutes later after her table bed was set up... still not bitter but more cursing the greedy married couple and off to counting sheep. 

We decided one day was not enough after the nite before so we relocated to an available site and the rain came. Cards, drinking, some legal medicinal herbs and let the games begin. Deb had only one hope and dream, to hike the fireman's tower trail. She ended her trip with broken dreams. We sat like slugs for the day.

One highlight was when I warned the smug little marrieds that they were sleeping on the table for the last night and I got the queen bed of marshmallows. In glee, I stripped their bed and room and tossed everything out of my new home. Yes it was work, and true, they got more storage on the front seats  that I never had access to but priceless. He daydreamed rerouting the carbon monoxide or raw sewage into my room. Ya, I know, mean! I warned that as I now owned the thermostat, it would fluctuate between 2 degrees  Celsius and 300 degrees. 

We played with our sole three, stolen, illegally from home, wet useless logs so the fire was lame... sorry Marina. Wait, where did she go? Tom went on the prowl to find her but she was Gone Girl. Out came the jammie  clad sleepy co-travelers with their flashlights to find this wandering, confused gypsy. A car stopped and out she steps. She got lost, told strangers, and when she didn't know her site, he brought her to the registration desk and then to us. Night over and off to my Holiday Inn queen bed suite.

We all slept in, rain again so no last minute hike for poor Sad Deb.  Can't really complain about the weather as it was sunny when we needed it to be and even surprised us a few times.  Us Boretski's experienced disappointments but we had a treat in store... 3 waterfalls as we went home thru Algonquin Park. I set up the GPS, bro approved, I went for a nap and woke up to Parry sound.  The GPS missed the turnoff!  Waterfalls were not to be on our must see this trip. Off thru sleepy towns, late gross lunch that we should have skipped when we saw the Gordon Ramsey vehement  head shake 20 page menu. I might have to review this place it was so bad, but the service was great.  At least we would be able to see Peterborough and the country roads but that was not to be either.  My GPS missed yet another leisurely drive thru Peterborough... i should throw it out the window, or update the maps maybe? 

Thank goodness for all the pictures and memories...we all looked so happy. 

Now let's really analyze RV travel. Its 4 adults gritting their teeth and smiling sweetly, counting down the days till we never have to see each other again.

Marina said its like the rats nest of her hair which is full of no less than 3 pairs of glasses, enough hair clips to set off airport security, pencils, wasps, an unnamed insect that she actually placed in her mop, and a floppy hat. Oh she would make the homeless community proud.

Everything must be tied down so when brakes are applied, often suddenly because we missed yet another turn, everything won't go flying. Even the most innocent thing becomes a projectile missile at the tap of the brakes. I was most worried about the daily naps Marina would take, fearing she would become a human missile / hood ornament as I'm not sure she ever seat belted up.  Shhhhh.

The floor is made of this weird sweater material, dirt and sand - impossible to clean. 

Unless you are freakishly tall, most of the cupboards are not for us Hobbits  of three. We lost more food than we could eat and on the last day, we found all the things we were sure we brought.

If you want to sleep in the top bunk, the curtain must be closed for privacy for the table leper but its an over heated furnace.  Deb opened the vent only to be showered by rainfall. Her bed was the daily luggage cemetery storage and once we put the final puzzle piece in place for the top bunk, we never took it out so we were constantly bashing our heads on the metal.

 

Space is limited for thee cooks at one time in the kitchen that required two dishwashers  one sweeper, a TV technician  and Prince Tom the reader. The two co-conspirator were constantly trying to throw out gently expired food, or worse, Deb, using a full saran wrap box to wrap one tiny plate of food. Was she raised by environmentally unfriendly wolves? I weep for the future of my grandchildren.

In this tin box, if you sleep on the table, you are inundated with lights on the water heater, the TV, the microwave clock, the testing panel of lights...for freaking gods sake, how many airline landing lights do you need in one room.

Tom and I decided that renting two campers would be the best or one camper with two couples so that no one had to sleep on Cathy's Table.  Would I do it again, I think so.  Would I enjoy it more if we were less spontaneous and unorganized, most definitely.  If the dreamer and driver come back to Ontario in the fairy tale land of unicorns and no masks,  I definitely would do a re-do.  I'm waiting Diane.

The Dangers of Buying From Social Media Ads- Hard lessons Learned by Spoiled Rotten B&B

Well this Orleans Bed and Breakfast shmuck has been scammed, yet again, multiple times if we are being honest and I'm writing this to save you from making the same mistakes I've made. I'm not a stupid person. I have a University degree and a College Trade and I have too many years of wisdom but with  online social media, oh, I've been had. Fortunately, like so many of my other gullible moments, I was able to repair them easily so no, all is not lost.

You know what it's like. You are caught in the black hole of Facebook, Instagram or any of

the others and the ads pop up. You know that these sites remember every time you click on something so they know where you're creeping and have gotten inside your head. And it doesn't help that the stores are pandemically closed and we're bored out of our minds.  

                                                                              

Of course, everything I bought was essential, pretty, shiny and I couldn't possibly live without it.  A few items were impulsive, ok maybe 90% of them, but one was very well-researched  and over the course of many days I would finally take the leap and then forget about the order arriving.   

   

First I ordered some Accupressure pens that would be a great addition to my wellness theme at the B&B. and I waited and waited and mostly forgot. One day I followed up and they said, "we apologize but are out of stock. How can we reimburse you."  You can't, I want the pens and I will wait as long as it takes.  Nope, this darned legitimate company with morals would have none of it.  They were giving the money back, curses.  Little did I know how rare that is. 

I was daydreaming about receiving my latest find and that's when the sh*t hit the fan, It was 

a fabulous four tiered wood shelf that turned into a table (for only $44 USD/ a billion Canadian), when I realized I hadn't had any communication with the company in awhile.  When I looked up their company name, there was only one confirmation email saying, and I will paraphrase, "thanks alot sucka for your hard earned moula; we'll let ya know when we ship it out, aka, get as far out of Dodge or close to Mexico as we can".  Grrr.  That seems like a bad sign so I called my credit card Chargeback department for the first time.  The man was wonderful and immediately agreed to credit my account.  Can you imagine?  Even without proof!  The reviews were all saying the same thing.  No one received it.  While researching, I found a scrappy list of other purchases I had made and tentatively asked the Chargeback guy about the next purchase in line.  

All of my purchases came from social media for old people.  Now imagine this... every time I click on an ad, they get the next puzzle piece to my twisted psyche and learn what "turns my crank".  When you think about it, that's frightening.  When I want to screw with them, I click the link, and get all the way to pay then exit.  They will pester me and often add a discount.  Brilliant right?  I know! But by then, they know me and who is going to get closer to the front of the line to  screw me over in a game I was never going to win. 

The next beast had sent me a gorgeous picture of a plant that was rainbow coloured.  In my

garden it would have been magnificent.  I had to have it to be better than the Jones, which was pretty easy seeing as I am the only one with flowers on my street.  After I paid, they sent me a one time only 5 minute impulse buy to get the second plant for half price.  OMG I must have that too.   Damn this pandemic, I only have the strength to press yes and then I began the impatient wait.  Sadly, the confirmation 'it's on it's speedy way' told me the seeds would be arriving soon.  SEEDS????  WTH!  Can you imagine gullible me waiting for two dead plants to come in the mail during a pandemic? Sigh, I know.  I ordered Feb 3rd and had had a number of contacts saying on Mar 24th they were in Canada, (probably stuck at the border since they were from Covid country China) even though I was assured by them that they were disease free.  My hottie on the phone said, "No, we are charging back.  You should not have to wait that long, my princess".  Well, that is what I heard.  Now what could be next on the list for him to fulfill my dreams. 

The next one was very tricky.  It was this unbelievable find, and heavily researched, 64 gb photo stick which claimed to find and store 60,000 photos; even Best Buy couldn't do that.  I finally bought two, back in November of last year- one for me and one for my daughter with twins; didn't want her to lose her photo memories again.  This gift could outmatch all the crappy ones I'd ever bought for her and she would bow down at my feet begging forgiveness for being so ungrateful over all the other near misses and colossal failures.  I am the world's worst gift giver buyer I'm told but I do try.   It wasn't until I pressed send that I realized, the one the company advertised was for laptops but  all she uses are cell phones, and I had purchased two very expensive laptop ones which I instantly regretted.  Nope, they suddenly didn't speak English unlike the ad. Couldn't do anything and I received many unintelligible emails explaining I was screwed and the parcel was almost at my mailbox from China, after I had just pressed send.  When I received both, because it requires some reading of manuals and technical skills, I put it aside and forgot about them, knowing tho that someday, this USB would be saving the world from lost  memories.  I brought one to Australia in March of this year but could only use it to save some of her pics manually.  So BMO dude told me that since it was technology, I was basically screwed as I only had 48 hours left to prove it was faulty .  I pondered and thought, if I can try to figure this out, I still have 48 hours so he sent me a form and if I could get one semi-credible clerk with a business card to say it didn't work, they would accept it and reimburse my $133.   Stop gasping, like you have never been smoked before. 

Here's where it gets harried.  I'm going to go to Best Buy but my favourite IT dude/saviour said he would look at it remotely.  Unplanned sleeps were had , we lost 24 hours and we were down to the wire.  We got started and had I taken it to BB, they would have found nothing and charged me too much.  He worked on it for hours and after revealing that I had started uploading all my pics onto one, and it was full around 7000, dude Jim told me maybe it was a counterfeit USB claiming a huge capacity but bogus. If it was a fake, they claim a greater capacity and if you try to reach capacity, it starts to override your initial pictures and corrupts them.  Now that's rude!!! He ran the tests and indeed, as always, he was brilliantly correct.  I filled out the forms, needed my neighbours to fax it off, got invited in for my first drink with them in 20 years, and got it all taken care of.  I was thrilled.  Nothing I hate more than someone pulling a fast one on me.  

I have two more items to deal with.  One is a knock off FitBit watch ... so technology that needs to be dealt with.  It's a new arrival and I'm pretty sure I saw very bad reviews for all the other knock off watches with different companies when I was researching my other purchases.  Most of the stuff on social media seems to be coming from China and is very questionable.     I think I can only go thru Amazon going forward or better still, find it on Amazon, google the company name and go there directly so they get 100% of the money.  Oh the things I have learned and must remember.  

My biggest embarrassment is knowing I read 165 reviews and realizing that the reviews on the ad are not the same as reviews on Google even though they seemed soooo convincing.  When you've been had and start to research the company, this is where you are faced with your lack of true due diligence.  They are not the same reviews and it seriously never dawned on me that they would be different.  Luckily for the company, I'm not the only gullible noob on the planet. Also, they have a 30 day return policy but it comes from China and thru a pandemic.  I didn't have a chance in hell and they knew that. Hiney's were covered. 

My last purchase is still en route and if it arrives, it will no doubt be exactly as it was advertised and be beautiful.  Rainbow window film that fills your house with so many colours.  I will let you know.  

So the big take away is this:

1.  Buy, if you must, on social media BUT first google the company and read the reviews on Google for your product and other products they sell. Do not rely on the Ad fake reviews.

2.  You have exactly 100 days to complete a chargeback if something is delayed, (even with Covid), or not working.

3.  If you have something with technology that doesn't work, if you get an outside source with a business card, at minimum, you just might get your money back if you can prove the item is faulty.  

After typing all this, guess what happened.  All of my lousy purchases were charged back successfully and this underdog won.  I did just see this rug on Facebook and it's so cool.  Everyone on the ad loves it....now where did I put my credit card?  

   

THE WORKSHOP LADY FIGHTS OTTAWA BYLAW

I have hosted a lot of workshops to pay the bills in the off season.  Some of these workshops have one attendee, and some have had 25. On one of those more hectic of days, one of my  neighbors called Bylaw 

about the cars then bragged to my next door neighbour. He was perfectly within his right to do so because the street was full of cars for a few hours. I sure wish he would have talked to me directly because this one call impacted my business greatly. If you've ever read the book The Five People You Meet in Heaven, he is one of my five people; changed my life more than he could have imagined and he has no idea what a can of worms he opened, nor does he care. No longer could I live under the radar, trying to keep everyone happy.

This  notice from by law really threw me for a loop and filled me with fear. They weren't warning me that I would get a ticket on my car because there was no car past three hours on the road. Another fear I hadn't considered is that I would receive a large fine for doing something I didn't know I couldn't do.  I figured better to ask forgiveness because if I spoke to the wrong clerk answering the phone and they gave me inaccurate advice, which made me shut it down for no reason, that would be a colossal waste. Whenever I called city hall, I always got different answers.  

The boogey man powers-that-be were getting ready to impact my life potentially as The Workshop Lady.  Planning for the workshops can be exhausting but I do love doing them. My fear was I wouldn't be able to do them any further. On the reverse side if I didn't have the workshops I could finally focus on filling the bed and breakfast. I have boxes of ideas of things I've never done that I should have followed up on but why would I do that when I have the workshops to fall back on and I know they are helping so many people. I also know many people would be thrilled to know there's a bed and breakfast that's more economical than what they've been used to in the area. Back and forth my jumble of a mind went with His Nibs, my neighbour, not giving a rats ass and pretty proud of himself.  .

I'M NOT BITTER.  Just a few more hairs from his brush and I will have enough for a pin cushion doll, voodoo that is!  Mwahaha

I know if I have to shut down the workshops, it will strongly impact a number of other people including the church lady who holds her meetings here.  I love those meetings but if I can no longer host them they will have to be moved out of my home. If I could no longer host her, I could be going  to the church and fully participate but more than likely, she will semi-retire from this gig and that makes me sad.  For the Paint Nites, I could become a mobile paint Workshop lady instead of doing it in the comfort of my own home but that is a massive amount of work.  Oh my head is a jumble trying to figure out all the computations, pros and cons. What is the universe telling me?

I wouldn't have to deal with Meetup cancellations and no-shows  anymore and that would be a relief. People suck when they sign up and no show, some even on the same day.  I finally started holding people accountable and making them prepay and that made my life a whole lot easier. The irony that, now that it's gotten easier but I can no longer hold the large workshops does not escape me? In the blink of an eye, it's become next to impossible. 

Because I didn't know who it was who had complained; the whole neighbourhood became suspect- like mob mentality potentially. Everywhere I looked, I saw Big Brother, staring and frowning at me. I got paranoid. I cancelled my biggest workshop that I'm most proud of. I will be reduced to having tiny groups only. I was furious with this person but then I reminded myself that our biggest teachers are the ones we often resent the most. If I'm going to walk the walk, I better walk the talk.  A kindly neighbour let me know who the offender was and all of a sudden the vice grip on my nervous heart released.

A few years ago I went to every house on my street to give them my postcard to let them know there was a B&B which had opened and might benefit them. One particular gentleman took one look at me and said, "not interested".  Being Canadian, I apologized and said I wasn't selling, just wanted him to know about....I'M NOT INTERESTED he yelled at me.  There's no fixing that.

By then I had come to terms with the lemons I have been thrown and I realized that it might be a blessing in disguise.

As an entrepreneur I picture hosting a big Workshop makes me feel successful but I don't get to join in on the fun. Smaller ones are a lot more slap happy and we can chew the fat and get more intimate conversation going. I have now stopped advertising as much and people are still coming and hearing about it. It also frees me up time to cook less and even attend my own workshops. Today I got to go to Trish's mosaic broken glass art because I wasn't stressing about workshops. http://merakimosaics.ca/.  That was a blast.

As a goodwill gesture, before I knew whom I'd angered, I decided to host a free Street Paint and Sip for up to 16 families. I sent out the invites, cooked a lot, chilled wine, made hot cider and waited for RSVPs to come in. Unfortunately, even without the cherished positive RSVP, you still have to be prepared, just in case. Alas, no one showed. I knew in my heart before hand

that it would be a flop so I had invited a buddy to paint with and we had fun. Never have I more seriously considered moving on that very sad day.

Should have done this weeks earlier but finally made it to the Bylaw office and spoke to the most wonderful lady ever.  I never worried that anything I told her would be used against me as she was retiring soon and had seen it all. We talked about parking and building a front deck, hosting parties, Puff and Paint Weed Classes, and flowers. She knew every thing and every body.  She told me to build another parking spot but NEVER to the road....as I noticed on her map that every other neighbour, including the tattle tale had done. Verrrrrry interesting. Golly, I hope no one calls bylaw on him for that little indiscretion!  

So the bottom line is no man is an island but rather I must co-exist with many neighbours and I have to be cognizant of their many issues and eccentricities.  I myself, have none.  While I have had reason to call Bylaw myself, I chose rather to talk to the neighbour, no matter how awkward it was and how much I hate conflict.  

Finishing on a positive note, the pandemic strikes me as having similarities to my predicament which is based on fear. We have to turn around our perceptions of our negative events to extract the lesson, the positive.  We all want everyone to like us and when that doesn't happen, it can be quite disturbing.  As long as I can re-frame these events, everything will work out as it should.  I just have to trust the process. 

AN ESSENTIAL SERVICE IN A PANDEMIC AT A BED AND BREAKFAST

Much has changed since my pre-Corona life when I returned from seeing my grandbabies in Australia. I've gone from the dark of the night, faced  with fear,  scorn, anger, shrieking, and accusations while having a cold and travelling, being told to quarantine at home NOW by my government, to embracing unexpected inner peace. 

As an A-type person, initially I crawled the walls with lack of motivation, lack of human contact, and being out of sorts. I've had to decide whether this is a time to go crazy or realize this is the best paid vacation I've had in years. I can't go anywhere, I can't talk to anybody in person, I don't feel obligated to visit people; my time is finally my own to do whatever I want to do. Most importantly, l am not glued to the TV news because it is too negative.  I get all kinds of articles I read from Public Health and FB watch parties by the PM (this was my favourite of Trudeau Speaking Moistly made to a song:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eySDeBdqxGY).  I read lots of "official" articles and it's still just a repeat of what I know or think I know aka fake news.  Rest assured, if I do anything wrong or go anywhere wrong my friends are front-and-center correcting me, tearing me a new one for sticking my head in the sand. 

Technology and social media are killing me. My phone and laptop are like a pinball machine all day long.  Yesterday I was so fed up that I turned everything off and  slept for 3 glorious hours. Friends are noticing they're getting very wired because they're so connected to everything and they're doing the same thing too.  I don't have to worry about missing calls for potential guests and it's very liberating. 

My B&B was deemed an essential service but only if I host front line workers and I'm not sure I want the exposure.  More importantly, I haven't had to deep clean for a month and I love the freedom.  Imagine having your house in selling, ready-for-a- showing 365 days a year for six years.  This time off is priceless.

I now have stacks of paperwork covering every table in my house.

For the very first time in six years, I can leave out all my messes and not worry that the phone is going to ring and somebody's looking for a last-minute booking so I would have to shove everything into a bag never to be looked at again. I'm finally getting through it all, the boxes are disappearing and a miracle is happening. There is counter and table space underneath. 

I used to go to bed late, not intentionally; I'd just lose track of time engrossed in all sorts of projects.  Now I'm getting caught up on a lot of sleep especially lost while around toddlers. On my unmotivated days, some would say my "best vacation" days, I get up,  have my daily long bath, go for a walk, have a morning nap, maybe exercise and the day is over. I look at the clock and its 8pm and I wonder what did I do with yet another Groundhog Day?

My taxes are done but I should never do anything to do with numbers.  I'm terrible at math calculations even though I use a calculator and it makes no sense. How can so many calculations not compute? The biggest problem came when I added up the last column and it was totally out of whack from the previous one. Turns out if I put in 83, my calculator changes it to .83. Every single column was wrong and then I realized how long has the calculator been doing this???  I'm going to prison.

Another plus is I have seen so much generosity since this has happened. One of my biggest challenges is I like to grocery and second hand shop. I'd been in quarantine for nine days with groceries being my biggest challenge. l left my fridge empty when I went away and coming home, it was still quite empty.  

I have a wonderful group of eclectic spiritual ladies whom I zoom with online and a few of them have offered to do my groceries but they're either older and shouldn't be out or they live too far away or they live in another province and they're going to drive all that way drop it off at the doorstep and turn around and drive away. That makes no sense to me. I don't like to ever ask anybody for anything so this is a real challenge for me. 

One neighbour Marie, who should not be out shopping would fill a few bags for me of fruits and vegetables. I didn't even bother giving her a list anymore, whatever she wanted to buy me I would gratefully accept and pay for. It was like Santa Claus left me a care package . It didn't matter whether it was full of socks and chocolate; it  was really quite exciting and I will be eternally grateful for her. On my last day of quarantine my fruit drawer looked like this.   I knew scurvy was coming soon if I didn't get to the grocery store asap.

 It killed me that I couldn't do competitive shopping when I know one store has raspberries at a $1.59 and I'm paying $6 if I do actually get the raspberries which I never did. I must assume the stores are out of them. I had no idea what the shelves looked like even though I saw pictures on Facebook. I wished I had the luxury of seeing the empty shelves myself. I guess it's all first world problems. We never had this problem in Australia when we shopped everyday  with the four of us sick spewing our unwellness. We had no idea  the world was spiraling out of control except that Australians were buying up all the toilet paper.

 I have a deep freeze full of meats like bacon and sausage which I really don't eat a lot of so at least I know I've got food if I really need it. They're strictly for my guests and I will never touch it since I crave vegetables and salads.

On the plus side, I was so sick with a cold in Australia that I lost my appetite and I refused to eat junk if I couldn't taste it. Back in Canada I realized I had lost eight pounds but now that I'm getting my appetite back those lost pounds have taken a dingy across the oceans and settled back to where they were.

Started little projects. Since the food is challenging I thought I

would make my own bread in my daughter's bread maker. No, I do not have bread maker yeast but how much of a difference could that make? I didn't have the proper bread flour either, or the proper quantities but being the queen of substitutions, I'd figure it out with the different kinds of flours that I have in my house, I mean really, what could go wrong? 

According to the manual, you put everything in a special way, close the top turn it on and when it beeps a lot you put in the fruit or the seasoning and close it up and I thought it would go for another whole cycle but no it didn't.  So there's this ugly twisted brownish dog turd where nothing mixed in. I took it out sliced it all up and tasted a hint of Rye and Caraway but mostly just glue. I dropped it and it made a loud clunk but did not break the countertop this time.  The good thing was because there's no preservatives in it, it turned moldy in 2 days so I got to throw it out yay !  I'm getting so sick of everybody on Facebook doing all their own home baking and it turning out like Martha Stewart and Betty Crocker had a baby. Stop it all of you, WE DON'T CARE.

I have multi pane glass doors to paint Birds on, book reports to do, retreats to plan, closets to clean, sewing to do, gardening if the snow ever goes away, and so much more useless papers to go through.  No one is here to bother me or stimulate my mind or anything else for that matter.

Initially there were no walks for me- just the frozen back yard in quarantine. I heard of a family that did a zoom call with 42 of her family members across the world including Italy. I was inspired to set one up for my family but oh the challenges they presented. In the end a good majority of my family participated. It was like a comic event among IT challenged siblings. One had neither internet connection, a decent cell phone nor a computer so he was out. One could hear us but not see us or talk as their webcam was faulty. One could talk but not hear us or see us. Two forgot and for the rest of us the sound cut out for no apparent reason.  Oh, it was a dog's breakfast but still kind of fun. Because I am the host and I didn't want to press any extra buttons and get locked out I never did press the host button and at exactly 40 minutes, with no warning, we all got cut off. Just curious I logged on again and they were all doing exactly the same thing so our phone call continued. Cool.

I'm spending most of my days doing dishes because the rest of the day I'm cooking. Went to make a new chocolate banana cranberry bread loaf and made one extra cookie on the side. I think it was the best cookie I've ever eaten.

I'm slowly understanding the value of pj's all day if I don't have plans to garden or go out.  One day, I even refused myself breakfast until I exercised.  I still start everyday in gym clothes, hoping to work out but I disappoint myself often.

Today was a turning point. I took out the shovel, carefully removed all of the very thick ice on the deck and located summer. And then I asked myself when I'm sitting on the front step which is so warm, how can 7 degrees outside be so warm yet 19 in my house shivers me to the bone? 

How can I plan meals with nothing in the fridge or food cupboard and eat better than when I have bought $400 worth of food and I eat cheese and crackers only?

I now go to bed by 10pm, and I have, more often than not, afternoon naps that range from 1 to 3 hours, cocooned in my thermal semi-weighted, oh so cozy blanket, dead to the world. This is what I wake up to and it's one of my favourite things in my house.  I am loving this vacation time, I mean pandemic isolation.

Surviving Traveling Thru Pandemic- States of Emergencies All over the World

Feb 29

Have you ever started a vacation deep in your heart thinking it's not going to happen, I cannot see the end result? That's how mine started. I booked with a third party that was obscure and could never really find my flight properly online. That made me nervous. I was never able to book all of my seats....  I could not do a proper check in from home and I also had to leave from Montreal which is a huge anxiety for me. If I don't turn left on a road because there's no light, I really don't want to drive to Montreal. Could take the train, could take the bus but then somehow I've got to get to both of those terminal without spending a lot of money. I've only taken the new LRT-1 so now I would have to take a local bus on a Saturday without Express routes, switch to the train and switch to a bus. Last time I did this for another trip I missed connections my feet froze it was a snowstorm, not great memories. In the end I left my car with my cousin parked in her driveway and she drove me to the bus station. 

I immediately met a woman who  wants to see my business. The lady in front was listening, lives a few streets away from me, is a realtor and wants to do business and before we knew it we were there in the blink of an eye. Unlike last time when I traveled to Montreal years ago  this one went smoothly. Back then, the lineups were a mile long, security a mile long for customs and we barely made the flight as we ran frantically to catch our flight. Today both departments were completely empty, I flew through everything without problems. I asked for a pat-down they asked me to take off my hoodie and didn't even bother  checking me. I knew that form fitting tank top would pay off one day. It will be a very long flight with all the connections but at this moment in time I feel like I will make them all and arrive absolutely exhausted, to be surrounded by two three year olds who will run me ragged and I can't wait.

The airport and planes are an eerie experience. It is rare to see an Asian without a mask and it's rare to see a Caucasian with one but us whities have the opportunity to access good quality ones made of thick black stretchy material, reminiscent of Silence of the Lambs. The is a tall skinny man in a long black cloak,  black sleeping mask and a black mouth mask. He scares the bejeebers out of me in the middle of the night. I now carry garlic, just in case when I pass him on the plane. You know its a scare when all the Asian staff are sporting masks. what a world we live in.

My seat mates have black special masks but they are not sick. That is the media hype of the Corona virus. The masks are only if you are sick to prevent others from catching what you have. None of these people are sick but 20 hours with a mask, not me... or so I thought.

The guy beside me is double stretchy cloth mask like the material of scuba diving suits. Now imagine the utter gall of this couple complaining that there are tons of extra seats on the plane and because I'm travelling alone, they tell the attendant that THEY want me moved so they can be more comfortable. Forget that I love my seat, my one neighbour and have completely unpacked and I chose close to the bathroom intentionally. I hate bullies. Gawd I was furious, spitting bullets, mad enough to drink on this flight when my daughter forbade me. I kept telling the attendant I did not want to relocate but to no avail.

The aircraft is gorgeous....not on the lines of Emirates but suuweet. Virgin Australia has the best airline food and snacks I've ever eaten.

I've had a number of cat naps, so the typical sleep of a middle aged woman. I'm less bitter but still glad for the rule about no nail files on board. Not sure how vindictive I could become when you screw with my aisle seat.

At one point its mandatory shut the blinds no matter whether its light out or not. At 5am I asked the sweet window girl to peek outside and the sun was rising  clouds were spooky, likes millions of popcorn kernels, it was magical but the nearby sleeping millennial vampires cringed and covered their heads with blankets. Pretty funny actually. 

I found the airline stash of chips, granola, fruit, and popcorn. Uh oh...not off to a good start as I squirrel them all away like a winter gathering chipmunk. I'd rather be the hibernating sleeping bears on board.

March 2-Just arrived and not a snow droplet to be found. Just green grass and steamy hot. Not a minute too soon because I think every single person on the flight was snivelling and juicy sounding and very contagious. Get me out of here fast.

I'm already 17000 kilometres away from my home town. I converted a lot of Canadian money and realised that the envelope was not in my purse nor in my knapsack so it's probably in my unlocked checked bag. I sure hope it's still there when I get to destination. If not some lucky baggaget guy is planning a trip to go somewhere . Crossing my my fingers. In the meantime I'm going to eat my body weight hourly while I charge up my debit card like The Flintstones wives.

Mar 4- we're a day later here so I'm thoroughly confused about what day it is.

Australia is really and truly a beautiful place in March at 18+ degrees. The cacophony of birds makes me feel like I'm in Costa Rica again again. The magpies the warbling the chipping and the crying baby sounds are the funniest thing ever. There are so many beautiful plants and trees here that reminds me of Hawaii. 

Ok enough on that rainbows and unicorns bull. Costa Rica was torture. This is the real world we live in. My son-in-law and I took the girls for a long walk- I forgot how much fun that age can be. Not!  Twin 3 year old girls are only happy when they are carried for hour after hour after hour and if you foolishly put them down, they will run in opposite directions towards traffic. I got back and hobbled into the house and curled up into a fetal position praying for death.  A short while later I was fine and apparently I'm a drama queen.  In the time that Christelle has gleefully worked every day (I get it now. I would be picking up extra shifts if I were her) I have given kids their first bath since they moved into the house 6 months ago. They don't know how to sit in the bath so they squat; it's so funny. We have coloured, read lots,  stickered up papers, watched lots of old  Disney, jumped on the trampoline pushed on hours of swings, washed the hands, feet, runny noses and clothes 100, 000 times only to have them run outside in the mud, rinse and repeat. We even took them swimming.

Because they generally go to bed at 7 p.m, the rest of us are in bed no later than 9:30pm ...party animals are we. 

Look closely, she has 2 balls

Yesterday I had the brilliant idea to have us all go for a zen first bowling session. They didn't want to give the two adults bumper bowling so we forged on. You've never seen sadder adult bowling as there was yesterday. Finally agreed  to turn on the bumper for everyone. The kids were rolling balls so slowly that the balls stopped dead in the middle of the lane or the gutter and someone had to retrieve them- all rules were off with people walking on the sacred Lane. The rolling rack was a deathtrap too because these fiercely independent 3 year olds had to lift this 500lb ball over their head to put it on while fighting tooth and nail over whose turn it was. It was mad chaos. In the end  dad played for four people while we chased the other two bored children through the arcade letting them try everything without putting money in. We all left exhausted.

March 5

Up at anytime after 4pm so my imaginary naptime comes early. It's such a good day when

  

you leave your bedroom door open in the morning at o' dark hundred and a little body stands in the doorway kind of confused and tired but then jumps into your bed. That doesn't happen very often. More likely I jump up and down excited at the prospect and scare the hell out of them and they run back to Mummy and Daddy. Brats hate me in the morning.

So we had grand plans for today. The Aquarium, possibly a park, lunch, ride their first tram and go to the Dinosaur Museum. We did the aquarium rode a tram and went to an awesome back alley Asian restaurant and ate kimchi pancakes. we drank some flavoured saki and then we drank some more and some more and some more and I have to admit I got a little giddy and I'm pretty sure my daughter will never let me forget it since it is such a rare occasion . We went out for supper , just my daughter and I and made a short stop at their version of a dollar store but it's much more expensive. Since the twins birthday is coming up shortly I went to this five dollar store and dropped over $100 worth of craft supplies. What was I thinking? Oh ya, too much sake!

Mar 6

3am the babes were a wailing but I ignored them because they never want to come to me in the middle of the night. I get up anyway and one wants to sleep with me. Yippee yippee I'm so excited and then the other one walks in the room and wants to sleep with me too. I truly feel like Grandma now . They hogged the bed, one of them sucker punched me twice , both kicked off their blankets and then rolled on top of them so that I couldn't have access to blankets. I was so cold but realised there was one blanket stuffed between the wall and the bed so I hunkered down in it to keep warm. Got no sleep but still it was awesome. 

Up very early colouring , eating, wasting so much food and watching TV.  Their mum and dad were going out so I decided to invite the outlaws over so they could see the babies before we went on a trip. Might rethink that sequence of events in the future- chaos. We played outside on the trampoline read lots of books, danced, wasted more food and then thankfully the day was over with before I was issued a straight jacket. May be locking my my bedroom door and putting in two sets of ear plugs tonight. Why didn't anyone tell me that 3 year old twin girls could make me feel like I was run over by a mack truck?

And now I'm very afraid because tomorrow morning my daughter and I take the twins on a 7-day road trip. Someone shake some sense into me next time.

By average human standards, road trip day seems like it was a bust. Yes, we did load the van to the ceiling with stuff we absolutely couldnt live without. Vague breakfasts were attempted and ankle biters dressed and redressed as quickly as we congratulated ourselves...it was loosely like a bordello with naked baby bums everywhere and clothes hanging from the lites.

We made good time to windy and chilly Torquay to see the family surfer beach and watch our winter clad girls race like possessed maniacs to see how wet in the shore waves and rolling in sand they could get while moving as fast as the speed of lite. My daughter and I dislike sand but no sand castle was left unstomped by the Terminator and the Hulk. Then off to get ice cream and it was like adding sugar and honey to pigpen from Charlie Brown. Now that they were sticky, we thought of the world famous ice cream shop then fish and chips, yes in that order, would be smart.  

Back at the homestead, they loved the Airbnb but us esp because the back yard was enclosed, like a doggie park AND they found a creative way to get in and out to play.. We did get some good advise about a playground and found parks in Australia are
unbelievable. 

 Trails and trails on bridges to get to it so we all got exercise. 

Well, as per the Australian custom, every time I come for a visit, I catch the babies colds. They are forever coughing in my mouth, sucking on my toothbrush, using my lipsol... even putting my night guard in their mouths. Ninja sleuths finding everything I have hidden. It's becoming a slower pace as a result. Wish you were here, and I was home sleeping. 

Mar 9

Be cause their birthday is coming up shortly, I gave out most of the entertainment and crafts. They thought of new ways to torture every surface they played on. I might have to kiss my cleaning fee goodbye cuz paint, playdough, food, stamps, stickers and dirt have                                         creatively covered everything.

 We went to the Chocolate Factory. Imagine Labour Day Monday packed to the gills with tourists and locals and with free samples also of chocolate. Kids were hanging from the ceiling - was not a pretty sight but if you were to go in the backyard there was a football sized yard fully enclosed and stocked with a  chicken coop, soccer balls and tons of things to occupy them with. Wonder if we can sneak away once they are occupied.

Attempted to stroller to the beach. Ya, NO, not happening. Redirected to the grocery store with that danged talking howling chimp. Some very unhappy shoppers and cashiers there until we left the mad house.

Really loving shower time, books, kisses and lites out at 7. Sadly by then, we are too pooped to appreciate quiet time. And one of the little monsters always joins us in our queen bed at some point. Yes I will need a vacation after my vacation.

Mar 10

We massively cleaned their Airbnb and I think the place looks as good as it did before we arrived. We drove along the coast and saw some  spectacular beaches, winding roads reminiscent of Tofino and cliffs that reminded me of Taos, New Mexico. We went to one place jumped on multiple trampolines and swam in the ocean with the waves and had the beat ever Thai noodle food. The girls loved it and instead of seeing all the other cute little towns along the way I just took a few pictures and we went to the last place. It's a caravan park that I was dreading and it's fabulous. There are koalas in the trees and I saw a kangaroo on the side of the road. Met some nice neighbours with a perfect 6 month old. The young dad was surprised to hear that if you get bitten by a snake you are not to do anything

and do not move move. I laughed and asked if his  wife told him that? She probably also told you to expose your neck and drop into a fetal position circling the snake so it bites you repeatedly then you have to go to the hospital and explain to them why you didn't walk away and you'll be the laughing stock while she is going through your insurance policy.

 Went to buy a bottle of wine and didn't have enough money and she said oh that's ok hun. come back when you do have it tomorrow and sent me home with the bottle. I don't do well on the honour system. Thinking of keeping the two dollars and driving to Mexico, or the Australian equivalent. Never did drink it. The cold has taken over all my senses and kleenex.

I did go to pay the missing balance and she said to keep it. I love this peaceful place.

So the Corona virus does not have affected me or my business but yesterday we did have one cancellation due partially. we ended up renting a nicer place for less money so that worked out good. 

Now there is a really weird side effect of the virus in Australia and that's that people are hoarding toilet paper not even masks. You can't get toilet paper anywhere. if you order it online you can't even find it in their inventory. It's so weird and it's such a frenzy here. The Aussies are so strange lol.

Mar 11

So it was another long night with Renee up perhaps three times, coughing alot. The first time she crawled in bed it was so cute but that gets old fast. Now I'm  run down, sleep deprived with a head cold, cranky on vacation.

We left the kids in their jammies and decided to go for a field and forest hike to the beach far

away.  Saw lots of horses along the way and hoped to see kangaroos but no luck. Did see a another small koala outside our cabin. Fed the horses rotten old apples and Renee was so nervous.

Realised that this campground was super Zen so we stopped worrying about the cars until the twins separated and one disappeared. I was not worried but am I a bad grandma to think that if something bad happened, I was going to be in big trouble? 

I lay down for a nap in the afternoon while daughter looked after the ankle biters and did 1000 crafts with them. The highlight of our day was going to the park to play on the swings and spying some loose baby goats. They were so cute until they started head butting us.

They walked the pet goats/unicorn home

After many photos, the owner came over and put them on leashes and our girls walked them home. That will be the highlite I'm sure. Finally cracked into the bottle of wine play some dice and made jam out of the $24 container of pick your own strawberries. Time to crash.

Oh crap, all flights flying into states will be refused from Europe. No idea if Australia is safer- someone suggested that Trump probably thinks Australia is Europe as well.  Doesn't matter, once they hear me croak like a hoarse frog, coughing, I will be quarantined. Sigh!

And the only "news" I read and re-posted for being so helpful was from Facebook. Daughter debunked every single belief I had. Damn. When did the internet start lying,?

Hated leaving the caravan park paradise. They upgraded us and backed us onto an idyllic farm vista that I could look outside forever.

Last thing we did was sing happy birthday again and apply powdered coloured streaks to everyone's hair. They have blond, very fine hair and it was adorable. Now it's time for Cathy's annual fashion tip. Do not under any circumstances do it to a brunet with fine hair. First of all it doesn't show up and secondly it DESTROYS your hair so you wont be able to comb  it after; like a discount dry hair shampoo made of ajax. Another stoopid idea from FB.

Had a psychotic experience at the  cheese factory. They ran, touched everything they shouldn't, esp in the wine display. We left the cheese factory with no cheese. Grrrr. Every time I chase and yell, I cant talk and swallow and it hurts.

The highlite of the Great Ocean road are the 12 Apostle rock formations. Lots of racing, notice for proper selfies, hot but spectacular.  Ok I dont want to say it out loud but maybe sightseeing is for adults only.

Had to stop at the grocery store for wine, need wine, l must buy it all up so I don't throttle them. Kids were rotten going to bed with so many excuses. I predicted

7:46 pm, and it was a hard well-earned win for all.

Mar 12

So many breakfasts wasted. Make up your minds! Yer grumpy grandma is tired and sick.

8-9am we drove to Thunder Point Lookout and it was more than breathtaking, then nearby to Stingray beach where they constantly ran into the deep water. Gawd they would try the patience of Job, or Mother Theresa for you souls who are going to hell anyway for not knowing the Bible reference.

We checked out only to have the little spawns of Satan scream for hours- we were ragged. Of course just before we arrived they both nodded off. One was so distraught, she missed her daddy so I sent him a plea to video himself talking to the girls. He did one better and read them a story but they didn't get that it was a video, so they cried harder when he ignored their questions.

Arrived- there was a monstrous kangaroo a car length away...we were all so excited. After visiting, we decided to do finger paints on deck and suddenly it's there, on our deck scaring the bejesus out of us. Can they run off with the babies? What if we talk softly and we place them in their pouches?  

We were mesmerized for an hour then realized there were 26 of them short walkway at a sanctuary.

Shopping for food- kill me

Picking up restaurant food for supper- kill me.  All they do is scream and beg for candy- where are big kangaroos with empty pouches when you need them?!

Been away two weeks. At home I'm "regular" 3x a day. Here, never!  I haven't pooped in months...I'm  sure that's how long I've really  been here for. If I ever do get on the plane I will need 3 bloated seats. 

Its bleak, wrapped up with scarves shivering, too listless to get a blanket or walk to my bed, coughing up lungs. How many freakin'  lungs do I have?

Mar 13- went to bed totally drugged up with babies medicines, my medicines, everything but I was still coughing a good part of the night. Best part of the morning is Ground Zero Renee joining me in bed and snuggling. 

I been looking for love in all the wrong places. I found it with two little non Corona spewing coughing crabby laughing babies- they're the loves of my life....and I really can't wait to go home and get better.

Our cabin came with a large Jacuzzi tub and I thought they'd love to swim with grandma but with their swim bottoms on- I'm not completely stoopid, please. What was I thinking? Turns out I'm  completely stoopid. Slippery munchkins,  floaties, fighting and one just stood beside me and started spitting. Wish you were there instead of me.

Went to the kangaroo sanctuary and the girls were so excited to be so close...but of course they took off in a dead run towards these probably territorial beasts. Sheer panic... that should be the new title for our adventures. You can see it in their eyes the exact moment they decide, "screw this, I want to fly" and both telepathically bolt away in opposite directions, usually towards a cliff, road, wildlife or waterfalls. It's when the swears fly out of your mouth as you curse their children's  children for 7 generations. I should have been a voodoo priestess but by now I'm probably an honorary one. One time I was sooooooooooooo angry and as I held the least culpable one, I said, your sister is very very bad! She looked at me with angelic eyes and said, "grandma, I'm  bad too". Arrrgh stop being so damn cute.

Played in the wonderful park until another meltdown...not sure if it was ours or their's but a meltdown was had. If we can just make it thru another short kill-me grocery trip without a murder happening. I know these passages are getting darker. Two sick mommies should never go out with two ninja babies who are full of piss and vinegar. 

Final outing was to find the natural Venus Bath Hot springs. A couple of very rough chasing marathons till we found the trail, gorgeous only to learn all the pools were frigid. Sigh! What am I doing looking for hot springs in Australia? On the bright side, I think I've convinced daughter to buy leashes for the girls.

 We promised  ourselves we wouldn't go out again, just supper in but we are weak and off to see the roos again.

Bedtime goes like this... once they are in bed at 7pm, on the dot, we attempt to eat uninterrupted. No more showers for the ankle biters - too tired. Only 2 books each, hugs and our tears when it all works. We get a glass off sleeping wine, both pull out our phones, do the droopy head bob for 1-2 hours and in bed by 9 at the latest. Cough all nite, and repeat with the early cuddle.

Mar 14

430 they awoke and one came in darkness with arms uplifted, like my heart. As we walked

to my room, she asked for her echidna, and I realized with horror, I did not have the cuddler. I had Mickie the stump- when she sleeps, she does not move, or hug. Boody hell, I want my money back. Now don't be looking at me that way. I didn't send her off in the woods to be kicked by angry kangaroos. I hugged her and pretended I was married again lmao. I'm just kidding. We slept well but the sight of our house when we woke up was painful. With zombie moms, the kids get away with murder and emptied every container of toys and puzzles they could find and then started on scattering the dry cereal... Checking out was going to be brutal and very time consuming but somehow, we pulled it off and left. Screw any stops. Enough is enough. Her house was mini Nirvana, fresh and clean and every room smelling of fresh paint. After massages for the weary master of the house, and a wonderfully long massage session for the girls, the rest of the day was so uneventfully pleasant I won't even bore you with it. 

Mar 16

Back to the real world... flight day, I hope. I did notice our sabbatical deprived us from our current events -state of emergency where I was flying out of and notices to all foreigners to get out, get the hell out now you unwelcome locusts. Messages from concerned family and friends. State of emergency where I'm flying to and me with three seats on a plane choking back coughing. The morning after the red eye I went to the bathroom and the coughing started. Usually it's a half hour to hour clearing affair but it finally ended. I slunk out knowing all the staff were there listening to "ground zero" come out. I looked down, took my drink and had the kindest steward ask if I was ok. It's getting harder to reassure people 'it's just a cold'. Landing in the states shortly. If I make my short connection, I think Dorothy  is finally coming home. 

It's much worse than it looks

Well, LAX went smoothly and I caught my flight but there were endless lines and securities and health checks.  On the plane, after someone notified them, a sweet airline staffer asked if I would wear a mask because I had "a bit of a cough".  Was she kidding me?  A bit?  I took it gratefully and realized for the next 4 1/2 hours I'd be re-breathing my breath and coughing. When I stood to let someone walk, I accidentally touched the stop of the screen of the lady behind me.  She actually shrieked, "What are you doing.  Don't touch. OMG!" then she wiped down her entire unit again.  When you wear a mask, you are the enemy and it's mob warfare out there.  The couple beside me put their hoods up and refused to look my way.  Another lady, before the mask, refused to let me get the seat change I was promised. In the airport people were loudly saying into their phones that EVERYONE is sick in the airport as they looked pointedly at me and they were so angry.  When the country you are in and the one you are going back to say get out now, you do. My last prideful moment was in border security answering all the questions.  I did admit to having a cough, high fever and pain (one question) so when the young dude repeated that, I said, actually, just a cough and explained. He asked if I wanted to speak to the Public Health officer and I saw where he motioned, a room full of sick people with masks, and all looking like they had been detained for a long time, I said, Absolutely not.  It's a cold, and he stared for a long time then sighed and said, welcome to Canada.  Tried to arrange my return bus ride home and the dude was angry, abrasive, and in my face, no matter how softly I spoke .  It was only when I said I had a refundable ticket that he changed completely.  The whole world has gone mad! 

I did not realize just how lucky I had been to actually get in before the borders closed.  At

Pic of a rose I took

home the next day, my doctor said to stay home, suck it up and wait it out and you know what?  The trip was totally worth it all cause now the Australian Prime Minister has banned all non essential flights out of the country and the borders are closed indefinitely.  The end.  Thanks for following  my chronicles.  Feel free to sign up for my much shorter blogs.